This is who I really am
by Gagirl29
Summary: This is the story of grown up Jordan Catalano...how he really is. Read and Review, please...  Chapter 21 updated.
1. The Real Jordan

**This is who I really am...**

**The Real Jordan**

**I do not own Jordan Catalano or any of the MSCL characters...this is for my own enjoyment, and hopefully yours. As always, I ask that you kindly take a minute and review. BTW, this story will soon be moving over to the M section. I started it here so that it would be easier to find. ~gagirl29**

Another city, another show, another night sleeping on the tour bus or a hotel room, that's what I, Jordan Catalano, have to look forward to. Life on the road isn't so bad, not really. I like it this way, no ties, no commitments. Being out here, touring, this is what I love. I'm traveling the country with my two best friends, performing the songs that I wrote, and I have more money than I could ever spend in this lifetime. What more could I want?

I have everything, so why am I not happy? I'm unhappy because, other than my music, everything I touch turns to shit. I have this way about me. I can't stand when things are going good, I just have to go and fuck it up. I end up hurting everyone who cares about me.

I know I'm a selfish bastard. I do what I want and I do what I have to do to get it. I've always been that way. I take and take, but I've never learned how to give back. I mean, I try, I really do. I'm just not that good at it.

It's not as if I had good role models growing up or anything. My mom, the perpetual party girl, took off when I was 7. I guess my dad and I weren't good enough for her or something. I didn't see her much when I was growing up. My dad, a detective for Pittsburgh PD, was never home, so I pretty much raised myself.

It wasn't easy growing up in the house with my dad. I mean, we had money, but there was no love. From the time my mom left, my dad and I didn't get along. It was like he blamed me for her leaving or whatever. It was like he thought I was the reason she wasn't happy.

At first, he just ignored me. I had a string of different babysitters in and out of the house. When I got older, he left me home alone most of the time. When I was 11, I got suspended from school for fighting and he beat the shit out of me. For several years, that's how things were. I'd fuck up and he'd beat me senseless. One day, not long after my fifteenth birthday, I got caught shoplifting some cigarettes and he roughed me up pretty good. After the second punch to the face, I picked up the kitchen chair and threw it at him, breaking his wrist. He didn't touch me again.

From the time I was 15 until I left home at 19, my dad and I were roommates. We both came and went as we pleased. He would leave money for me and I'd run around doing whatever I wanted to. When I was 16, he bought Red for me as a birthday present. I guess he thought if he gave me an old car, something I could fix up and work on, that it would keep my sorry ass out of trouble. And to a certain extent, it did.

When I was 17, I started hanging out with Tino and his crew. Tino is the one who started our first band. Tino, 19 with at juvenile record, got me into all kinds of shit. My old man hated it, so most of the time, I did shit just to piss him off. I started partying and sleeping around, moving from one girl to the next. I could get any girl I wanted.

Hell, I can still get any girl I want. I'm not stupid. I mean, I know I'm easy on the eyes or whatever. All my life, I've had people telling me how handsome I am, how good looking. I see the way people look at me. I know it doesn't hurt to look the way I do. I'm sure it helps to sell records, too. Anyway, I was 17 when I first started seeing Angela. Well, that's when Angela first started seeing me, I guess.

That's the year everything in my life centered around Angela Chase, the girl who pushed and pushed me to be a better person. The girl who made sure I learned to read and helped me to graduate. The girl who drove me crazy all through high school and even after I left Three Rivers. The first girl I actually cared about. The first girl I obsessed over and made a fool of myself for.

Here, I am, all these years later and I find myself still obsessing over Angela Chase. She was my first love and the woman I am still very much in love with. She's my inspiration, my motivation. At one time, everything I did was to please her. Now, everything I do is to piss her off. I can't help it. She knows how to push my buttons and I know how to push hers.

See, Angela just isn't some girl. She's always been _the _girl for me. Our problem is, we can't be together. I've hurt her and she's hurt me. No matter how hard we try, we keep doing it all over and over again. It's been that way since we were kids. We were together, then we weren't. We'd break up, but not break up. It's all so confusing. I wish things were different. I wish we could be together, but I guess it just isn't meant to be. That's why I'm sitting here, right before I go on stage, arguing with my ex-wife.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Angela! He's 8 years old, how hard can it be discipline him? Why do I always gotta be the one to do it? I'm all the way on the other side of the country!" She does this to me all the time. It's like I'm the only one who can control Jay. She calls and puts him on the phone with me, just so I can tell him to do his homework or keep his ass out of trouble.

"Jordan, he doesn't listen to me. You're the only one he'll listen to. Please, just talk to him." I can tell she's frustrated, but she's his mother. She should be able to get our 8 year old son in line, right?

"Look, Red, I'm about to go on stage. I can't deal with this shit right now." Ending the call, I turn my phone off, tossing it on the dressing room table. Taking one last look in the mirror, I head out the door.

I know she'll be pissed at me for hanging up on her, but so what. Maybe it will do her good to stew for a little while. See, we've been divorced for over 3 years now, but she always uses me to make Jay behave. We argue nonstop because she won't stand up to him. Every single time he gets out of hand, she picks up the phone to call me. I'm beginning to wonder if it's even about Jay anymore. I think it's more about Angela.

Standing on the edge of the stage, Shane and Tommy beside me, I can hear the crowd already going crazy. Jaded, our opening act just finished their set and the lights were down. I love this time, right before we go on. I love the adrenaline rush I get. My heart starts pumping and I feel a high like no drug can give me.

On cue, we walk out together. Shane and Tommy take their places, Shane at his drums, Tommy beside me with his guitar. Standing in front of the microphone, I give a nod and they slowly bring the lights up. "Hello, Las Vegas, we're Residue." From where I'm standing, center stage, I can see every seat in the house. Not that anyone is sitting. Everyone is on their feet. "You know, I had planned to start out with a different song tonight, but it's been a helluva day. I'm in a fighting mood, so we're gonna change it up a little. Who wants to hear 'Attack'?" As the crowd cheers loudly, Shane starts beating out the song.

Taking the mic from the stand, I let the song take me over, shoving thoughts of Angela Chase from my head, at least for a few minutes...

_I won't suffer, be broken, get tired, or wasted  
>Surrender to nothing, or give up what I<br>Started and stopped it, from end to beginning  
>A new day is coming, and I am finally free<em>

Run away, run away, I'll attack  
>Run away, run away, go chase yourself<br>Run away, run away, now I'll attack  
>I'll attack, I'll aa-WHOOOAAAAAAAAA<p>

I would have kept you, forever, but we had to sever  
>It ended for both of us, faster than a<br>Kill off this thinking, it's starting to sink in  
>I'm losing control now, and without you I can finally see<p>

Run away, run away, I'll attack  
>Run away, run away, go chase yourself<br>Run away, run away, now I'll attack  
>I'll attack, I'll aa-WHOOOAAAAAAAAA<p>

Your promises, they look like lies  
>Your honesty, like a back that hides a knife (knife)<br>I promise you (promise you)  
>I promise you (promise you)<br>And I am finally free

Run away, run away, I'll attack  
>Run away, run away, go chase yourself<br>Run away, run away, now I'll attack  
>I'll attack, I'll attack, I will attack<p>

Run away, I'll attack, I will attack  
>Run away, I'll attack, I will attack<p>

Run away (Run away), I'll attack (I'll attack)  
>I'll aa-WHOOOAAAAAAAAA<p>

Your promises  
>(promises, promises)<br>I promise you  
>(promise you)<br>I promise you  
>(promise you, promise you)<p>

I always tell myself that I'm going to put Angela out of my head when we go on stage. It never ever works. Every damn song I've written in the last 15 years is either about her or for her or has something to do with our times together. Eventually, I'll stop kidding myself and accept that it isn't going to change.

Taking a drink of my water, I pick up my guitar. "So how the fuck are you doing, Vegas? I hope you're ready to rock." Putting the mic in the stand, I slip my guitar strap over my head. "I know you guys want to hear the new shit, but I'm in the mood to play some of our older songs. This next one is off our first album, sing along if you know it." As I start to play the first chords of 'Capricorn', Tommy joins in followed by Shane.

All of our concerts are like this. I set out a play list, we rehearse, and then I change it as we go. At first, Tommy and Shane would bitch and bitch about it. After all these years, it's kind of a joke between us now. They know me, they get it. We end up playing whatever songs I'm in the mood for. It works for us.

Going from one song to another, the crowd is pretty pumped. I feed off the energy of the fans, so I love to get them going. I turn to Shane and give him the cue to start into 'Battle of One'. I love this song and it's always so fun to play. It gets the crowd on their feet and I get to scream a lot. Jumping around the stage, I get to work out all the anger and frustration I have built up.

Seeing that Shane and Tommy need a break, I work through my acoustic set. As much as I enjoy performing with the guys, I also get off on singing with just my guitar and all the fans. It's a time when I can just be me. It doesn't matter if I fuck up, or forget the lyrics. It doesn't matter if I get angry and scream or get emotional and sing my heart out. It's all _me. _

As I wrap up, the guys come back out. Playing through the last set, I can feel my body coming down a little. After 2 hours of screaming and running around, I'm starting to get tired. My clothes, soaked through with sweat, are starting to stick to me.

Wrapping up our last song, I step up to the mic. "Thank you so much for coming out tonight. I hope you've enjoyed the show. You've been fucking awesome! We're Residue. Good night!"

As the three of us are walking back stage together, Shane and Tommy are discussing what they plan to do for the night. After we finish a show, we always head back to the dressing room, first to shower and change, then we go our separate ways. Not being one for the night club scene, I usually hole up in my hotel room or on the bus. Shane and Tommy like to hit the town. Whereever we are, they like to go out and explore the night life.

"Hey, Catalano, why don't you come out with us tonight? It'll be good for you." Shane, being my oldest friend, can always tell when something is bothering me.

"Nah, Shane, I don't think so. I gotta call Jay. He's being a little shit again." I know I shouldn't, but he's my son. No matter what me and Angela do or say to each other, he still needs to respect her. At least his mom is there for him. And she loves him.

Shane, knowing me as he does, knows not to push when I've made up my mind. He and Tommy understand me better than anyone else, that's why we all work so well together. They're there when I need them and the leave me the hell alone when I don't.

Showered and changed, we all get in the limo. Swinging by the hotel, the guys drop me out before heading to the strip. As I take the elevator to our floor, I turn my phone back on. Once I get inside the room, I dial out Angela's number.

Answering on the third ring, she sounds pissed. "What the fuck, Jordan? Don't hang up on me like that! I don't know why I bother to call you, anyway."

Laughing at her always seems to piss her off more, so I don't even try to stifle it. "Red, I know why you call me. You just have to figure it out for yourself. Where's my son? Is he still up?"

"Jordan, do you know what time it is? Do you think I'd let him stay up this late on a school night?" Looking at the clock, I'm surprised to see that it's midnight. I must have really gotten carried away tonight. If it's midnight in Vegas, it's 3 am in Pennsylvania.

"Damn, it is late, isn't it? What are you doing up? Shouldn't you be sleeping?" She really hates it when I'm a smart ass. I know I'm the one that called her, most likely waking her up, but I love it when she gets fired up.

"Seriously, Jordan? You called me." I can hear her moving around on the bed, probably sitting up.

"What? You could have been up. Maybe Matt decided to spend the night. How the hell do I know?" Matt, Angela's on again off again boyfriend, was a touchy subject.

"Are you asking me if he's here? Because if you are, it's none of your damn business." I can't help but chuckle because I know she wouldn't let Matt stay over. That's one of the reasons they're on again off again. I don't like to think about her being with someone else, but it gives me a little satisfaction knowing she won't let him spend the night, especially since she's still sleeping in _our_ bed.

"So, that's a no?" As I'm talking to her, I kick my shoes off and strip down to my boxers. Climbing in the bed, I settle back against the pillows and pull the covers up over my chest.

"If you have to know, I broke up with Matt. For good this time. I'm tired of him playing stupid games with me. We were never that serious, anyway." Now I can hear her TV on in the background.

Smiling to myself, I can't help but ask, "Games? What kind of games?"

"I'm sick and tired of having to deal with him being jealous. I mean, I won't have him tell me who I can talk to, or who I can see. I kinda snapped when I caught him going through my cell phone." I can hear the cabinet door close, and then the water running, so I assume she's getting herself a glass of water.

"He was going through your phone? That's really fucked up. It's none of his business who you're talking to. It's not like you're seeing someone else, is it?" Holding my breath, I wait for her to tell me.

"Come on, Jordan. You already know the answer to that. No, I'm not seeing anyone else." I can picture her, sitting in bed, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Well, who were you talking to that he was so jealous over?" I can't help but yawn. I don't know how much longer I can stay awake, but I don't want to hang up, either.

She said it so softly, I barely heard her. Wanting to make sure I heard her, I ask her to say it again. "You, ok? He was, is, jealous of you. We had a really big fight. Bigger than any we've had before. And trust me, we've fought plenty." Taking a deep breath, maybe so that she can work up the courage to continue, she says, "He's always been jealous of my relationship with you. He wanted me to like stop talking to you altogether. I tried to explain to him that we have a past together, that we share a child, but he doesn't understand."

"I hope you told him to go fuck himself." I've never liked Matt. Not just because he was with Angela, either. I was never jealous of him or anything. Well, maybe a little, but we aren't together anymore. I do want her to be happy. I can't explain it, really. There was just something about him that rubbed me the wrong way.

"Oh, yeah. That and then some. We were going to Sharon and Brian's house for dinner a few nights ago and I went in to the bathroom to fix my makeup. I found him going through my phone when I came out. He had went in my purse and got it out. Instead of apologizing or even being embarrassed at being caught, he started bitching at me."

Pulling myself up in the bed, so that I don't give in to sleep, I ask her the one question I already know the answer to. "What was in your phone that set him off?"

"I don't know, Jordan. Maybe it was all the 3 am phone calls where we talk into the morning. Maybe it was the text messages you send me. You know, when you've been drinking. The ones where you tell me you love me and can't live without me. Or maybe it's the ones where you tell me what you want to do to me the next time we're in the same time zone. Or maybe it was all of the above." I can close my eyes and see her, sitting there, her knees pulled up in front of her, worrying the edge of her oversized tshirt.

Running my hand through my hair, this habit I have when I get nervous, I struggle to find the right words to say. None of it is a lie. I do love her. And I can't imagine what my life would be like without her in it. See, that's what I mean when I say we're together, even when we're not. She's my best friend, just like Shane and Tommy are, but with her it's different. Even though we're divorced and we're not together, we still have this connection.

"I'm sorry, babe. I'm sorry that I came between you. I'm sorry that he didn't trust you like he should have. I'm sorry that I'm such a selfish asshole that I don't stop to think before I do shit." Sitting now, with my knees pulled up in front of me, much how I imagined her, I lay my head on my knees.

"Jordan, don't apologize. This is entirely my fault. I should have deleted the text messages or told you to stop. Or maybe I should have quit answering my phone at 3 am. Or maybe I wanted something like this to happen so that I didn't have to be the one to break up with him. There's a hundred different things I probably could have done to make it different, but I didn't."

"Well, I am sorry. All I want is for you to be happy." Sighing, I slide back down in the bed. "See, I told you I'm no good for you. You should tell me to fuck off."

"You know I would never do that. No matter what happens between us, we'll always have Jay to think about. And I guess I'm not ready to be done with you." I can hear the longing in her voice, even when she's mad at me, it's still there.

I can feel myself getting sleepy. Knowing I should hang up, but not doing it. I lay there with my phone to my ear, listening to her breathe. All I want right at this moment is to be beside her, holding her in my arms listening to her breathing relax into sleep. If I can't have that, then this is the next best thing.

After several minutes of neither of us talking, I turn over on my side. "Angela, you awake?"

I hear a long sigh, then, "Yeah, Jordan, I'm here."

"Baby, I'm falling asleep. I'm gonna hang up. I'll call Jay in the morning, before he goes to school, ok?" Rubbing my eyes, I take a deep breath. "And, Red?"

"Jordan, please don't say it. I know you do, and I do, too. I just don't think I could take it if you said the words." It's funny, this connection we have. She knows what I'm thinking. She knows what I'm feeling, without me even saying a word.

"Always, Red. Good night." Ending the call, I throw my phone on the bed beside me. Pulling the covers over my head, I let sleep take over.

**Oops...I knew I forgot something! All the songs mentioned in this chapter do belong to me because Jared Leto said so, but in reality...they belong to 30STM. THANKS!**


	2. Getting my way

**Getting my way**

**I own nothing...**

Listening to the hum of the wheels as we move from one city to another, I lie in my bunk fighting for sleep. It's always quietest in the early morning hours, when the boys are still sleeping. So quiet that all the thoughts I've fought so hard to suppress come rising to the surface. Thoughts and regrets, mostly regrets.

It's always this time of morning, after performing the night before and having yet to succumb to sleep, that my demons catch up to me. It's almost as if they're waiting for me to relax, to let my guard down, before they take me over. In the light of day, I successfully hold them off. In the darkness, they eat at my soul. For someone who seems to have it all, I'm a sad lonely shell of a man.

I know that everything I've done in my life has lead me to this moment. Me, lying here alone, wallowing in my misery. Choices I've made, paths I've traveled. No one is to blame for my misery, but me. The blame lies squarely on my shoulders. I know I should change my ways. I know I should stop doing the things I do, but it's like I just can't help myself.

I put myself in these positions, not really thinking about the outcome. I do things impulsively and then worry about the effects later. Or I simply do things because I'm me.

Take the other day, for example. I intentionally set myself up to look like a bed hopping, man whore. Literally throwing myself in front of the camera. Not only did the photogs shoot me with one girl, they got shots of me with three different girls. Two of them at the same time.

We were in LA. Since we spend a lot of time in Los Angeles, we keep an apartment there. We'd been home for a day when I started to get restless. Deciding to go out and enjoy my morning instead of moping around in the apartment, I went down to the coffee shop on the corner. I'm not stupid. I knew the paparazzi would be out in full force, so I took a little extra time getting ready, instead of dressing down in my hat and dark glasses.

I mean, some days, I just want to hide away. Other days, I crave the attention that my celebrity status gives me. It's like I want to be alone, but not really. So I go down to the coffee shop, as Jordan Catalano, rockstar, instead of just Jordan. As soon as I walked in the door, everyone recognized me. Several people called out to me, people that I've gotten to know over the years.

I took my seat at a corner table and the waitress brought my coffee, still black with only 2 sugars now, and a chocolate chip muffin. The same thing I order every time. As I sit, more and more people come into the shop. Apparently, quite a few celebs frequent the place. Pretending not to notice, I pull out my phone, checking emails, replying to text messages, and even playing around on Twitter. Several photogs, known for patrolling the area, decided to hang out on the corner. More than likely waiting for me to leave.

And no, I didn't call someone and have them meet me, but nevertheless, someone I knew walked in. Jenny, a full-time student and part-time waitress at the bar around the corner, was one of the first people I made friends with when we first rented our apartment a few years ago. She's a very pretty, curvy brunette, and as different from Angela as you can get. It was never more than a friends with benefits situation with either of us. In the 3 years we'd known each other, we'd only slept together twice, and that hadn't happened in over a year. She's a nice girl.

Seeing me in the corner, she rushes over. Standing up, I gave her a hug and a quick kiss (picture number 1). I invited her to sit with me. For a while, we just sat together and talked. She told me about school and her recent trip home to Nebraska to visit her folks. I told her funny stories about life on the road and showed her the most recent picture of Jay that was in my phone. I had a good time catching up with her, just talking. Finishing my coffee, I stood up, getting ready to say my goodbyes. Instead, she stood up with me, taking my hand and pulled me out the door with her.

When we got outside, she wrapped her arms around me and held her face up for a kiss. Never one turn down a pretty girl and knowing the paparazzi was standing close by, I leaned in and laid one on her. To all the world, it looked like a very passionate kiss. I know because I saw the picture (picture number 2). But in reality, we were both laughing about the photographers. Saying our goodbyes this time we head off in different directions.

I didn't do anything crazy. Well, not right then anyway, I went back home. I spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon, sitting out by the pool, tossing back bottle after bottle of Bud Light. Shane and Tommy, true to form, decided to go club hopping that night. Surprising them both, I went with them.

After the third club, the third VIP room, I was getting restless. Leaving the boys in the VIP area, I made my way back into the club. Moving up to the bar, I ordered a Jack and Coke. I pulled out my phone and started to text Angela, a very bad habit I have when I start drinking. Sitting there, holding my drink in one hand and my phone in the other, I started thinking. With all the noise around me, all the laughter and all the people dancing all around, I was thinking. I didn't want to think. Thinking made me do things I knew I would later regret.

I put my phone back in my pocket and turned to look out at the dance floor. I saw two girls, one blonde, one brunette, dancing together. Thinking "What the hell," I tossed back my drink and walked over to them. As I got closer, they both seemed to notice me at the same time. Hell, I didn't even bother to introduce myself. Why should I? I didn't want to know their names. And I'm pretty sure they knew who I was anyway.

I started dancing with them, both of them. I say dancing, but it was really more like bumping and grinding and a lot of touching. I know that there was some kissing involved, too. Hell, I was so drunk, I don't remember most of it. I do remember asking them if they wanted to get out of there. I remember putting my arms around both of them and walking out the door. I remember all the flashes going off.

We walked down the street to another club. Somewhere along the way, we must have stopped, because in one of the pictures (picture number 4 or 5?) I had the blonde's tongue down my throat and the brunette was sucking on my neck. I got them into the club, then I went home, alone. I didn't go home with them. The funny thing about all of it? It took seeing the pictures, on TMZ's website of all places, to remind me of what happened.

I woke up with a massive hangover the next morning. Eyes bloodshot and everything. I laid around the apartment all day that day, like I should have the day before.

And why did I go home alone? Because I wasn't looking for a meaningless fuck. I didn't want to take some no name chic home, just to relieve some tension. Don't get me wrong, I've slept with my fair share of women over the years. By the way, none of them were ever redheads after Angela. I've done things that would probably make a hooker blush, but I don't get off on that kind of thing anymore.

As a teenager, I slept around. That is, until I got with Angela. Not once, ever, did I sleep with someone else while we were together. None of the times we were dating. In the 5 and half years we were married, it was only her. But truthfully, we've been apart more than we were together. After our divorce, I went through a self destructive phase, partying all the time and sleeping around. I don't party nearly as much anymore. I guess I'm over the sleeping around part of it, too. I haven't had sex in months.

What's changed? I've realized that I don't want to be with just anyone. I don't want to bring a girl home and pretend that I want to be with her when who I really want is Angela. More and more lately, I find myself thinking about her. Always wondering if things will ever work out with us. I think about what went wrong, what we could do differently. As much as I'd like to think I've changed and maybe we could make it work, I'm scared to go back to that place. I don't think I could walk away intact this time.

And why did I intentionally set myself up for the tabloids? Because I knew Angela would see the pictures. I knew it would drive her crazy. I knew she'd get pissed and yell at me for putting myself out there like that. Basically? I wanted to make her jealous.

And boy, did it piss her off. She didn't come out and say she was jealous, but when I talked to her a few hours ago, she practically bit my head off. She called me a few names and made a few threats. She says she always worried that Jay will see the pictures or that he'll have questions that she can't answer. Maybe she is just worried about Jay. Or maybe she was really jealous. Who knows.

She told me to stop calling her in the middle of the night. She said she was an idiot for believing that I could ever be anything more than the asshole I've always been. Then she hung up on me.

So, here I am. Miserable, because I pulled a stupid stunt that backfired on me. Turning over to face the wall, I pull my covers up over my head. Closing my eyes, I pray for sleep.

Just as I feel myself relaxing, my damn cell phone rings. Picking it up from is place beside me on the mattress, I see that it's Jay. It may be 4 am here, but where his is, it's 7 o'clock and it's a school day.

Clearing my throat, I answer. "Hey, buddy. What's up?"

"Dad, can I come to live with you?" He sounds like he's about to cry.

"Jay, what do you mean? You know you can't come live with me. I live on a tour bus, remember? And what about your mom? She would really really miss you." Knowing I won't get back to sleep now, I sit up on the side of my bunk. "What's a matter?"

"Mom's being a jerk this morning. She hasn't stopped yelling at me since I got up." Sniffling, he continues, "I spilled my milk and she yelled at me. I left my towel on the floor and she yelled at me. I asked her to help me find my library book and she yelled at me. She sucks."

Trying not to laugh, I say to him, "Jay, she doesn't suck. She loves you very much. I'm sorry that she's been yelling at you. I think maybe she's mad at me and that's why she's yelling."

"You mean she's mad about the pictures she saw of you on the TV?"

The pictures are on TV? Oh, shit. "She saw pictures of me on the TV? Did you see pictures of me on TV, too?"

"No, but I heard her talking to Aunt Danielle about it last night. She was really mad and she called you an ugly name. She told her you were trying to make her jealous."

"Jay, she won't stay mad forever. Just do what she tells you to and be a good boy." I breathe a sigh of relief. Thankfully, he hadn't seen the pictures.

"Dad, when are you coming to visit again? I miss you." I haven't been to Pennsylvania in over 3 months. We've been touring the West coast.

"I don't know, buddy. Hopefully, I'll see you soon. We aren't scheduled to be out there for a few weeks, but maybe I can fly out to see you next week when we get a few days off." We usually play Thursday through Sunday and take Monday through Wednesday off. "Would you like that? I'll fly out on Monday and leave on Wednesday."

"But, Dad, I have school those days. I won't get to spend much time with you." I wish I could be with him all the time. I've missed so much of his life already. I've pretty much been on the road since he was two.

"I know you do. We'll figure something out." Rubbing my eyes, I ask him, "Hey, is your mom around? I want to tell her that I'm coming to see you, ok?"

"She's in her bedroom. I'm supposed to be getting dressed for school. I don't wanna get in trouble for calling you." I knew he had called me without her knowing.

"It's alright, Jay. I'll tell her I called you. I love you, buddy. I'll call you back tonight, ok? Now, go get your mom for me." I can hear him knock on the door and then I hear her yell at him.

"_Jordan Michael Catalano! I thought I told you to get ready for school. You're going to miss the bus. And what are you doing on the phone?"_

Smiling to myself, I listen to their exchange. _"Mom, Dad wants to talk to you. I'm about to get ready. Gosh, will you just chill?"_

"_Jay, did you call your dad? You know it's still night time where he is. You can't call him this early. He probably has a show tonight so he needs to sleep. Go get ready!"_

"Jordan, did he call you?" She's still pissed.

"It's alright, I wasn't asleep anyway." Not wanting to miss a chance to needle her, I can't resist bringing up what Jay told me. "So, you called me an ugly name? To Danielle?"

"Shut up, Jordan. I've called you plenty of ugly names over the years. Besides, I didn't know Jay heard me."

"Did it work?" Maybe I shouldn't poke at an angry bear, but it's so much fun getting her riled up.

"Did what work?" I can hear the impatience in her voice.

"You know, me trying to make you jealous?"

"Damn it, Jordan. Is this the only reason you wanted to talk to me? I'm done talking about your stupid tabloid pictures. I don't give a crap who you screw around with. I just don't want my son seeing that shit. Right now, he thinks you can do no wrong. You're his hero. I don't want to ruin that for him."

"And I'm not helping to uphold that allusion with my stupid stunts, am I? I do appreciate the fact that you shield him from my stupidity. Anyway, I'm coming out on Monday to stay a few nights. Can I crash with you guys?" Here it comes.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Can you crash with us? Why should I let you sleep here?"

"Because I'm coming out to visit my son, who has school both days. Because I want to spend as much time as possible with him, without having to run back and forth to a hotel. Because my car is sitting in your garage. Want me to keep going?" I knew this wasn't going to be easy when the thought popped into my head.

"Jordan, do you think that's a good idea? Really?" I can tell she's thinking about it.

"Why not? It used to be my house, too. Why shouldn't I stay there?" Chewing on my thumb, I wait for her to answer me.

"Because, Jordan. I don't know." Sighing she says, "Do you promise to behave?"

Chuckling, I say, "What? Behave? I promise to be a good boy."

"You know what I mean, Jordan. You gotta sleep in the guest room." I know what she means, but I pretend not to.

"I'll sleep in the guest room. Where else would I sleep?"

"Well, I'm not gonna give in to you, so don't try anything." If she's telling me this, then I know she's thinking about it.

"Red, I promise I won't make you do anything you don't want to do. How's that?" This way, I'm not making a promise to her that I can't keep.

"Jordan. This isn't going to be like last time you stayed with us. Things got out of hand and then we didn't talk for weeks after. I don't want to do that again." She's right. I know she is, but it still doesn't stop me from wanting it.

"I can't help it that you find me irresistible. Besides, I knew you were seeing Matt back then. I shouldn't have put you in that position. I should have never went there with you." See, I'm an asshole.

"That's why we can't do that. I like being able to talk to you. I don't want us to make things awkward between us again." One of us needs to be sensible about it, and I know it's not gonna be me. I always just go after what I want then deal with the fallout afterward.

"I know. I'll behave, ok? Now will you pick me up at the airport? I'll take the red eye after the show from Seattle Sunday night, so it will probably be after Jay is at school."

"I guess I can do that. Just let me know."

"Ok, I'll call you with the details tomorrow afternoon. I promise not to call you after the show tonight." I just had to bring that up, didn't I. Why do I do that?

"You can call me tonight, if you want." I hear Jay say something to her, then, "Damn it! Your son missed the bus. I gotta get dressed and take him to school. I'll talk to you later."

Before she can hang up, I call out to her. "Hey, Ang. Thank you."

"Yeah, yeah. Just don't make me regret it, Catalano."

Smiling to myself, I hang up the phone. It still isn't daylight, so I climb back into bed and snuggle down. This time, I fall right to sleep, a smile still on my face.

**Are you enjoying the story so far? Let me know...review! Thanks! ~gagirl29**


	3. Who, me?

**Who, me?**

**I own nothing...after this chapter, I'll be moving this over to the 'M' section. Enjoy!**

I really hate flying. I hate going to the airport. I hate walking through the terminal. I hate waiting to go through security. Most of all, I hate all the paparazzi. And it's always worse on the West coast for some reason. I know, sometimes I go looking for them, but when I'm at the airport I just want to be left alone. It helps that I always try to fly at night, when there's hardly anyone at the airport. I prefer the red eye, just so I can have my peace.

When I fly, I dress down as much as possible. Sweats, hoodie with hood on, sneakers and dark, dark glasses. I try to deter any attention. And when I fly home, I always travel light. I never have any checked luggage, so that makes things a little easier. Sometimes, there a few people that recognize me. Most times, I make it to the gate without being noticed.

This night, however, I haven't been so lucky. There was a group of photogs just inside the door. As they called out my name, I pretended not to hear them, walking by with my head turned. As I was going through security, a lady in line behind me recognized me. Seeing that there were no photographers around and not wanting to be rude, when she asked for my autograph, I gave it to her. This then lead to more people in line wanting to talk to me and asking for autographs.

I mean, come on. It's one o'clock in the morning. I just finished playing a two hour set and I'm tired. I should have ignored them, right? Nope, I didn't. I gave each person that asked an autograph, on their shirts, napkins, airline itineraries. I signed one guys arm. I even took some pictures. Any other time, I probably would have lived up to my dickhead reputation, but I was kinda in a good mood because I'm headed to see my family. I had already talked to Angela on the way to the airport, letting her know to pick me up in Pittsburgh at 10 am.

After security, I make it to the gate just in time to board. And regardless what you read, rock stars don't always fly first class. I prefer to sit in coach, so that even the flight attendants overlook me. I once had a flight attendant spend a whole 3 hour flight trying to talk to me. I just want to be left alone.

As I board the plane, with my head down, I make my way to my seat. I always sit by a window, too. I can turn my body toward the window and not have to talk to anyone. After stowing my bag and laptop case in the overhead compartment, I take my seat. Turning my cell phone off, I stick it in my pocket. I know the drill already.

It's not long before we take off. Sticking my earplugs in my ears and pulling my hood tight around my head, I lean my seat back and go right to sleep.

Sleeping the whole flight, 5 and a half hours, I wake only when the flight attendant shakes my arm to tell me to fasten my seat belt so we can land. I'm really not looking forward to the trip out of the airport. I like it even less than the trip inside. Especially since I always seem to be extremely cranky after flying. At least I got some sleep on this flight.

Grabbing my bags, I make my way off the plane. As quickly as possible, head down the whole time, I make my way through the airport. I get to the door right at 10 am. As I push my way outside, I see Red. Well, technically BOTH Reds, but I saw the car first.

Not bothering to stop the grin on my face, I pull my glasses off and stand staring at my car. That car is just as much a part of me as Angela is, or Shane and Tommy, or Jay. It's part of what makes me who I am. And it makes me very happy that Angela, the other Red, drove her to get me. Angela has let me keep her in the garage at her house, formerly _our_ house, because I don't want to rent garage space in LA to park her.

Pulling to a stop at the curb, Angela gets out. Walking around the front, she leans against the fender, waiting for me to get to her. As I walk toward her, I take her in from head to toe. With it being an unseasonably warm Spring in Pennsylvania, she's wearing a Residue t shirt, cut offs and flip flops. Her now blond hair pulled into a messy ponytail and her sunglasses resting on top of her head. Honestly, she had never looked better.

Seeing her, just being near her, and probably a little due to the temperature, I can feel sweat running down my back. As I'm walking toward her, I can easily imagine dropping my bags, grabbing her in my arms and kissing her silly. In reality, when I get to her, I pull her into my arms for a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, Red. Thanks for bringing her. I missed her." What I really mean is "I miss you," but I don't say that to her. Not yet, anyway. I don't want to push her too soon, but if everything goes the way I want it to, I'll tell her that and more later.

"Hey, Jordan. I see you wore your disguise." Handing me the keys, she opens the passenger door and gets in.

I open the driver's door, throw my bags in the back and climb behind the wheel. Pulling my hoodie off, I toss it in the back seat. As I sit behind the wheel, I lovingly run my hands across the dash and around the steering wheel.

Chuckling, Angela says to me, "Jordan, you always loved this car more than anything else."

"Yeah, whatever. This car is the one thing in my life that's always been mine." Looking over at her, I realize what I said and I know how is must have sounded. But you know what, I won't explain myself and I won't take it back. Let her think what she will.

Apparently, it didn't have any affect on her, because she reaches over to smooth my hair back from my face. "It's good to see you, Jordan."

Smiling at her, I can't resist taking her hand. Starting the car, her hand firmly in mine, I pull away from the curb. Merging in with traffic, I let go over her hand just long enough to turn on the radio. Grabbing her hand again, I lace our fingers together, pulling her a little closer to me on the seat.

As I drive all kinds of thoughts are going through my head. I can't believe how good it feels to be home, with Angela, driving around in Red. It feels a lot like old times.

I can't believe how good the car sounds and I'm so glad I spent the money restoring her a few years back. It feels weird to drive at all, because I haven't had to drive for a long time. Is my drivers license still valid? I'm sure they are.

Pittsburgh has changed some. More buildings, more subdivisions, more strip malls. As we drive toward Three Rivers, I take in all the differences in the landscape.

When Angela shifts in her seat, my thoughts return to her. I still can't believe how good she looks. I mean, to me, she's always been beautiful. She has a natural beauty that no makeup can create. She looks just as good in a t shirt and shorts as she does all dolled up.

I can't believe I ever let her go, not even one time. Am I an idiot? I must be. She's always been the best thing that ever came into my life. Should I just tell her how I feel, just go for it? What, no! What the hell am I thinking? I'm not ready for that. I've been back in her company for 10 minutes and I'm acting like a lovesick pussy.

To prevent making a fool of myself, I ask about Jay. "So, has Jay been behaving? No more fighting at school?"

"No, not since the last time. I think having to spend 3 days with Grandpa Graham broke him of that. I was glad Dad volunteered to watch him for me. I was helping Mom at the print shop because she was short handed and there's no way I was taking him there. Not after last time." Tucking the hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear, she looks at me. "I swear he is just like you. So much so that it scares me sometimes."

"Uh, oh. I take it you don't mean in a good way, either." I'm kinda proud that my boy is like me. He looks just like me.

"Jordan, he has many of your good qualities, too. He just has a habit of wanting to do his own thing, too." As we drive onto her street, she pulls her hand from mine. It's almost like she's already putting up invisible barriers.

I pull into the driveway, hitting the button to open the garage. When the door is up, I pull Red inside, then letting it back down. Angela doesn't even wait for me to get out of the car, before heading into the house. It's like she's running from me or something. Hell, I know she doesn't trust me. I wouldn't trust me, either.

Grabbing my bags, I head inside, walking down the hall to the kitchen. "Hey, Angela. You care if I take a shower?" Standing near the sink, she turns to look at me.

"No, go ahead. Use Jay's bathroom." Damn, she's gonna make sure I know the limits.

"Yeah, I know which one to use. I just wanted to know if you minded. Got a special towel you want me to use, too?" Here I am, ready to declare my love for her and she's holding me at arms length.

"Don't be a jerk, Jordan. Grab a towel from the hall closet."

Stopping by the guest room, I throw my bags on the bed. Rummaging through my bag, I realize I've only packed jeans and long sleeve shirts because it was still cool out west. "Hey, Angela? Do you still have some of my clothes around here somewhere?"

Sticking her head in the door, she says, "Yeah, I do. Why?"

"Why? Because they're my clothes? Because I didn't pack any summer clothes and in case you didn't notice, it's hot out there." Why? What the hell does it matter why?

"Hold on a minute, I'll see what I can find." She walks down the hall and into her bedroom. Following behind, I step into her room. It looks much the same as it did when it was our room.

Opening the closet, she starts moving stuff around. Moving closer, I realize all my clothes are still hanging in there. "Damn, Angela. You kept all my clothes?" Why would she do that? I took some of them with me, but what I left was all still hanging there. Even my old corduroy jacket.

"Jordan, what are you doing in my room? Get out of here." She turns and pushes me toward the door.

"Why can't I be in your room? I've been in this room plenty of times before. This used to be my room, too." What's the big deal? Does she think I'm going to throw her down on the bed and have my way with her? Well, I did think about it, but I told her I would behave.

"I just don't want you in here, ok? This is my space. Stay out of it." Ok, now she's just being plain bitchy. And here I thought we were going to be civil to each other, with the way things started out and all.

"Well, since I can't go in there and you're holding all my damn clothes hostage, go grab me a t shirt and a pair of shorts. You still got all my underwear, too?" For real, why would she still have my clothes? I understand her keeping some of the shirts, my shirts are cool. And I know she's always slept in t shirts. But everything else?

"No, I didn't keep your underwear. I kept it all in case you ever wanted it. I didn't have the heart to throw it out and I was too lazy to pack it away. It really isn't a big deal." Yeah, ok. I don't buy that, but whatever.

She comes back out with a Nirvana t shirt and jeans shorts. Handing them over, careful not to touch me, she scoots around me and heads down the hall. I reach out and put my hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"Well, would it be too much to ask for you to fix me something to eat? I'm a little hungry. I haven't eaten since before the show last night." Is she gonna freak out about that, too?

"Why didn't you say something? We could have stopped on the way. Let me go see what I have in there. I haven't been to the grocery store in a few days." She walks back toward the kitchen. "Hey, Jordan? I have a frozen pizza. Will that work?"

She still doesn't eat right. I hope she isn't feeding my son all that crap all the time. As hungry as I am, I won't complain, though. "Yeah, that'll work. I'll be out in a minute."

I think I probably took the quickest shower on record. The whole time thinking how shitty it was of her to make me use this shower, when I know her shower has a lot more room to move around. I would have actually been able to stand up instead of having to bend over to rinse my head.

After drying off, I get dressed, brush my hair and my teeth before walking barefoot into the living room. Matt is sitting on the sofa. I know I didn't hide my surprise very well because Angela gave me a pleading look. What the hell is he doing here?

"Uh, hey, Matt. How's it going?" I can tell he's taking in my appearance, probably thinking the worst. Not skipping a beat, I go over to coffee table and pick up the remote, turning on the TV. Flopping down in what used to be my recliner, I turn to him.

"Hey, Jordan. I didn't expect to see you here." Obviously, Jackass. From the look on Angela's face, I can tell she hadn't been expecting him. Oh, boy. This is gonna be fun.

"Well, you know, I haven't seen my family in a while. Thought I'd come home for a few days." Watching his jaw tighten, I decide to poke a little harder. "Hey, babe, is my lunch ready?"

Giving me a dirty look, Angela gets up to check on my pizza. Yelling from the other room she says, "It's about ready. Want a soda or something?"

"Yeah, that will be fine. Could you bring it to me?" Man, she's gonna kill me when he leaves.

"Sure." I know she won't cut into me until he's gone. "I'll be there in a minute."

"So, Matt. Whatcha' been up to lately? I mean, since Angela broke up with you and all?" Squirming in his seat, he looks at me, then looks away.

"Uh, well. I've been working. When did you get back in town? You're staying here?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I stay here? This is where my family is, right?"

"Hey, look, I'm going to leave. I came by to talk Angela. I didn't know you were going to be here." Getting up, he heads toward the door.

Not budging from my chair, I say, "Well, it was good to see you. Take care of yourself."

As Matt heads to the door, Angela comes into the room with my soda. "Matt, you're leaving? You never did say why you stopped by." Geez, it's obvious why he stopped by. What he didn't count on was me being here.

"It wasn't important. I'm just going to get out of here and let you guys spend some time together. Take care, Angela." Matt practically runs out the door.

Turning to me, I can see she's pissed off. "What did you say to him, Jordan?"

Giving her my most innocent look, I say, "Who, me? I didn't say nothing to him. I just asked how he's been." I didn't have to say much, he jumped to his own conclusions. Good. Maybe he'll stay the hell away from her now.

**There's a whole lot of you reading this story, why not take the time to review it for me? It doesn't take long...anyway, thanks for reading! ~gagirl29**


	4. I just couldn't help it

**I just couldn't help it**

**I own nothing... Thanks for the reviews, guys! You know who you are. :) **

"Ok, Jordan, I know you said something. Why else would he run out of here like that?" I knew this was coming.

"I dunno. I asked how he'd been and he said he'd been working. He asked if I was staying here, I said yes. That's all." Well, that is what happened. And what does it matter? She said she was done with him anyway.

"You just couldn't resist, could you?" Angela, face flushed, eyes flashing, tosses my soda at me before spinning around and stomping back to the kitchen.

I prefer this Angela to the Angela that keeps pushing me away. I know she's not done yelling at me.

Walking back into the room carrying two plates, she hands one to me. Then, she hands me a napkin. Walking over to the sofa, she kicks her flip flops off, then sits on the sofa with her legs curled under her. After a few minutes of us eating in silence, I thought maybe she was going to let it go.

"So what did you really say to him? You expect me to believe that was all?" Guess I was wrong. I knew she wouldn't believe me.

"I swear that's all I said. And what does it matter? I thought you broke up with him. You said you were done with him 'for good' this time. And why was he here in the middle of the day?" She won't look at me, she's sitting there picking the toppings off her pizza. I don't blame her, because this pizza tastes like cardboard with cheese on it.

"He was on his lunch break. That's not the point. You let him believe that you were here with me, didn't you? I bet you knew exactly what he was thinking and you played along with him." Setting her plate on the coffee table, she turns to look at me.

"Why are you getting so mad at me? I didn't do anything. I was nice to him. What, were you planning to get back together with him?" Is that what this is about? She wants him?

"No, Jordan. This isn't about Matt. It's about you. We're not married anymore. We haven't been married for a while now. You can't just come in here and act like you live here." Well, I didn't expect her to say that.

"What? I just thought it would be easier for me to be with Jay if I stayed here. You don't want me to stay? I can call Dad, he'll let me crash there."

Getting up from the chair, I carry my plate and empty soda can in the kitchen. Dumping the pizza and can in the trash and putting the plate in the dishwasher. When I turn around, Angela is standing behind me.

"I didn't say I didn't want you to stay here. Just don't do shit like what you did with Matt." Yeah, I knew we'd get back to Matt.

"So this is about Matt? If I had known you wanted to get back with him, I would have begged him to forgive you. I would have promised to leave you alone." Yeah, right.

"Damn it, Jordan! Why do you do this shit? I don't want Matt, I don't. If I wanted him, I wouldn't have told him to get lost in the first place. But don't you see? Matt was sitting there, probably trying to get me to take him back and in you walk, the whole reason we split up in the first place. Not only that, you're fresh from the shower, head wet and barefoot. How do you think that looked? Then you make yourself at home, kicking back and turning on the TV!" She's so cute when she gets mad. I know I should just apologize. I should just tell her she's right and promise not to do it again, but I can't.

"I did just get out of the shower. And I had no idea he was even going to be here. What, am I supposed to be psychic now, too? Besides, I bought this damn house. I paid for everything in it. Why shouldn't I watch the fucking TV I paid for?" Shit. Why did I say that?

"Oh my god. Did you just say that to me? Are you serious?" She steps closer to me, practically yelling now. "I've never once asked you to spend your money on us. I never asked you for a damn thing."

"Yeah, I know. You made it perfectly clear that you didn't want anything of mine the day you told me you wanted a fucking divorce." I know I should stop. I know I should probably give her some space, maybe take a drive or something, but I can't make myself walk away from this. "I would give you the whole god damn world if you'd let me, but you don't want that!"

"How the hell do you know what I want? You never took the time to figure out what I wanted. You have no idea! If you did, we'd still be married." What the fuck does that mean?

"What? What do you want? Tell me." If all it takes to get her back is doing what she wants, I'll gladly do it.

"It's not that easy! It's not something that all your money can buy, Jordan. You can't just run out and pick it up!" She's standing there, right in front of me with her arms crossed. I want so bad to just reach out and pull her to me. To lose myself in her and forget that we've ever been apart.

This is the closest we've ever come to talking about the divorce. We avoid the subject when we're on the phone. Usually, Jay's around when we're together, so we don't talk about it then. And the last time we were completely alone together, 3 months, 1 week and 2 days ago to be exact, we ended up in her bed. After which, I left the next morning and we didn't talk for weeks.

"So tell me. Tell me what you wanted that I couldn't give you. Tell me what it was that made you throw our marriage away. Because you're right, I have no idea! I thought I was giving you what you wanted. I tried very hard to be who you wanted me to be. Nothing I did was good enough!" Why does this shit hurt so bad? It has been 3 years since we signed the papers. Shouldn't I be over it?

"God, Jordan! Why are we even doing this? Nothing's changed. We're still the same two people we were then. No matter what I want or what you want, we still can't be together. All we do is hurt each other. I don't want to go through that again." She turns away, trying to hide the tears welling in her eyes. I hate it when she cries. I hate it that I make her cry. Just seeing the tears rolling down her face knocks some of the fight out of me.

Taking a step closer to her, I can't help but reach out and touch her face. "Red, please don't cry. I'm sorry."

Jerking away, she turns to leave the room. "Just don't, ok? Just leave me alone. I don't want to do this with you."

Standing here, in the middle of her kitchen, with her walking away from me again, I realize something. I never really did know what she wanted. I mean, I thought she wanted what all women want, marriage. I bought her expensive gifts and gave her credit cards with no limits. I let her pick the house, the street, the city. I bought her the car she wanted. I took her to Milan, Rome, Paris, and Tokyo. All before Jay was born.

After he was born, I took some time off to be with them, because that's what I thought she wanted. I took two years away from my music career to be with them, then I left on tour. A tour that lasted 22 months, seeing them only every couple weeks, for a few days at a time. I'd only been home a few months when Angela asked me for a divorce. Confused, hurt and angry, I gave her what she wanted. I didn't fight for her like I should have. I made sure that they would be provided for. She would never have to want for anything.

I packed my shit, and called Shane. He, Tommy and I went to LA to record our next album. Then came another tour and then the tour we're on right now. So again, being the selfish bastard that is me, I never stopped to find out what she wanted.

I know that I can't leave it like this now. I've come this far into it, I have to finish it. Going in search of her, I find her in the bedroom, our bedroom, crying on the bed. Why she hadn't closed the door and locked me out, I don't know.

"Angela, can I come in? We need to talk about this." As she rolls over to look at me, I stand in the doorway, leaning against the door jam.

"Do you really think it's a good idea for you to be in here with me? Because I don't." She frustrates the hell out of me sometimes.

"Well, since you're scared I'm going to force myself on you, why don't you come back to the living room?" This is going to be like pulling teeth.

Not waiting for her to follow, I turn and walk back to the living room. As I sit in _my _recliner waiting for her, I catch myself chewing on my thumb. After a few minutes, she comes back into the room, taking her previous position on the sofa.

"Look, Jordan. Let's not get into this again. What's done is done. We both need to let go and move on. It's for the best." Can I just bang my head against the wall? It would be easier, and less painful.

"Best for who exactly? You? 'Cause I'm telling you, the last few years have not been easy on me. I tried to let you go, because that's what you said you wanted, but it doesn't feel like that's what you want." So I should just cut her out of my life? "Are you saying you want me to stop calling you? Stop answering the phone when you call?"

"I don't know. We've been doing good as friends. Why do we have to change that?" Here she goes, not looking at me again.

"Have we? Been doing good as friends, I mean? Is that all you want from me? You want to be my friend? How did that work out for us when we were kids? It didn't." How did we get back to this?

"Please, just stop." Why should I stop? Is this too painful for her?

"No, Angela, I won't. We need to work this out. I'm tired of not knowing what I did wrong. I'm tired of trying to figure it all out on my own. I should have never agreed to let you divorce me. I should have fought for you." Does she think I can just turn my feelings off?

"You don't get it, do you?" Finally, she decides to look at me. "I won't let you hurt me again. I'm not willing to take that chance. We're better off this way."

"I get that you're scared. I'm scared, too. And believe me when I say I've thought about all this over and over again. I've spent many sleepless nights, after I've spent hours on the phone with you, thinking about this. I've tried and tried to get over you. It just isn't working. Hell, I'm miserable!" Getting up from the chair, I start to pace the room.

"Oh, really. Because you sure didn't look miserable in the middle of your bimbo sandwich. Or what about the other girl, in the coffee shop? Was she licking the tears off your face? I've seen how miserable you are." So, she was jealous. I knew it.

"Angela, nothing happened with any of those girls, I swear. That was a low day for me. I'm a little embarrassed to admit, I kinda did that on purpose." Now, why did I say that?

"Whatever, Jordan. I'm not stupid. I know you." Well, yeah, the way I used to be.

"I mean it. I wasn't with those girls. I knew the cameras were there. I knew you'd see the pictures." Come on, Catalano. Next you'll be on your knees begging.

"Really? Why would you do that?" Because I'm a fucking idiot and I do stupid shit.

"Because I was trying to make you jealous. Because I was missing you. Because all I've thought about since the day I left this house 3 months ago is how much I wanted you." There, you asked for it.

"Why, because we had sex? That didn't change anything." Maybe for you it didn't.

"Yes, it did. It changed everything! It made me realize that I want you back in my life. I want us to work all this out. I want to be with you." God, I sound like such a pussy, spouting off about my feelings and shit. "JESUS CHRIST, ANGELA! I love you. I've always loved you."

Jumping up from the sofa, she yells at me, "Don't you dare use that against me! You don't think I know that you love me? I do know. I've always known that! But it's never been enough. We've done this over and over again. How many times have we split up in the past? How many?"

"Way too many times." So many that I've lost track.

"You'd have thought we would have learned, but we didn't. We don't belong together, Jordan. It doesn't matter that I love you or that you love me. Don't you see?" At the moment, all I can see is her.

I'm tired of arguing about this. I'm tired of her telling me she doesn't want me, when I know she does. And I know damn well she'll hate me for it later, but right now I don't care. Walking over to her, I pull her up against me. Kissing her like a man starved, I wrap one hand in her hair, using the other to hold her against my body.

At first she tries to pull away, but I'm not letting her go. Licking at her lips, I coax her mouth open slipping my tongue inside. She maybe telling me that she doesn't want this, but I know she does.

God, It feels so good to hold her in my arms again. The sweet taste of her breath on my tongue, the smell of her surrounding me. This is all I've thought about for months.

Pulling back a little, I give her a chance to stop it. Looking her in the eye, I say, "Tell me you don't want this, and I'll leave. I'll go to Dad's and come back when Jay's home. I want you to know it's not just about this."

I can see it in her eyes. She wants to tell me to stop. She wants to be the one in control, but she also wants this. She wants it as badly as I do. After watching the different emotions cross her face for what seemed like hours, but was probably more like a minute, I let her go. As I'm stepping back from her, she reaches out to me with both hands. Wrapping her hands in my shirt, she pulls me back to her.

"I know this won't solve anything. It'll probably make things worse. But I can't help myself when it comes to you. I want you, Jordan, I want this. Just promise me you won't hurt me." How can I promise her that?

"Red, I never meant to hurt you, ever. I promise you I'll try not to." I'm done talking. I think I've talked more today than I have in months. Right now, what I want is to get her naked and under me.

Grabbing her shirt, I slowly pull it over her head, dropping it on the floor. Kissing her lips, I put my hands on her body. Just touching her soft, smooth skin is enough to make me hot. I love how she arches her back when I move my hands down it. It's like she's offering her body to my mouth. As I kiss across her cheek, down to her neck, she makes that moaning sound that I love. While I'm sucking on her earlobe, I unfasten her bra, moving the straps down her arms, letting it fall to the floor.

With both of her breasts now bare in front of me, I kiss and lick down across her chest and take one of them in my mouth, taking the other one in my hand. I know she likes it best when I suck on her nipple, then gently bite it. It drives her crazy. Moving my mouth to the other breast, I move both hands down to her shorts. In no time at all, I have her shorts and panties in a pool at her feet.

Standing back, I can't help but stare at her. She's so fucking beautiful. I can't believe I'm here with her, like this again. I'm almost afraid that if I close my eyes, it will all disappear.

I make quick work of removing my clothes and push her down on the sofa, before following her down. I really wish I could take it slow, take my time. I should savor the moment and all, but I've waited too long for this.

Moving between her legs, I position myself at the entrance of her slick wet core. Just as I'm about to push inside, I remember. "Angela, do you want me to use protection?"

"Are you clean?"

"Yes, I promise." I hate that it's even an issue.

"Then, no, I don't want you to. I'm on the pill." That's all the assurance I need.

Slowly pushing inside of her tight body, I almost lose it. I can't believe how, after all this time, we still fit together like this. No other woman has ever felt like this to me. It's like she was made for me or something.

As I stroke in and out of her, I try to memorize everything about this moment. How her body clings to mine. How her hands are holding me to her, her legs wrapped around my waist. Her hair spread out of the cushion beneath her head. Her lips, swollen from my kisses. Her eyes, half closed, looking back at me. The sounds she making as I pleasure her.

I don't think I've ever loved her more than I do right now, right this minute. I know that no matter what happens, we are meant to be together. I'll find a way to make her see that.

I know I'm thinking entirely too much. It just all seems unreal, like a dream. If I don't kiss her right now, I think I may die.

Taking her face in my hands, I kiss her like my life depends on it. I put all the emotions I'm feeling into it. I'm sure she can see it in my eyes if she looks hard enough.

Burying my head in her neck, I continue to stroke in and out of her body. Feeling her tighten beneath me and hearing her moaning my name is all it takes. As she crying out, clawing her nails into my shoulders, I come inside her.

For a few minutes, neither of us move. I don't think I could if I tried. Once reality sets in, I realize that I still have her pinned to the sofa, all my weight still holding her down. As I move to get off her she tightens her arms around me. Shifting toward the back of the sofa, she makes room for me. Sliding out of her body, I move over to lay half beside, half on top of her with my face still buried in her neck. Angela's arms still holding me tight.

That's how I wake up a little while later. My body pressed to hers, her hands on my back. Pulling my head back, I look at her. She still has that sleepy satisfied look on her face. I can't help but smile. Kissing her cheek, I pull myself off her and head to the bathroom, grabbing my clothes off the floor on the way.

When I return to the living room she's sitting on the sofa, fully dressed. I really don't know what to expect from her. Is she going to be mad at me now that she's had time to think about it? She looks at me and smiles. "You know, Jordan, you're much easier to resist when you're being an asshole."

Grinning at her, I shake my head. "What? That's all you've got? I thought for sure you were gonna be all pissy when I got back in here. I thought maybe you'd tell me how it was a mistake and we couldn't do it again, blah blah blah."

"Well, right now, I think I'm in such a good mood that I don't want to ruin it. Maybe you should just follow my lead, huh? Don't start saying stupid shit." Who is this woman?

Sitting down beside her, I pull her against me, putting my arm around her shoulders. It feels so right having her head resting against my chest. I think I could sit like this with her forever.

"So, you're on the pill?" Fuck, where did that come from. Way to go, Jordan.

"Yeah, so what?" I can feel her withdrawing.

"I was just wondering how long you've been taking them. I mean, I know you used to take them when we were married." Just shut up. Stop doing this.

"Well, I stopped when we split up, but I started taking them again a few months ago." Now she's holding my hand in hers, twisting my ever present silver ring around my finger. Something she used to do all the time.

"So, you weren't taking them while you were with Matt?"

Sighing loudly, she says, "No, I wasn't."

"Why the hell not?" Why am I getting mad about this? It really isn't my business, right?

"Because, Jordan, I never slept with Matt." Wait, what?

"You didn't?" Well, hot damn.

"No, I didn't and before you ask what I know you're going to ask, I started taking them again after we were together." I'm glad she can't see my face right now. I'm sure if she did, she'd knock the shit out of me because there's no way I can wipe this smug smile off.

Yeah, right now, my life is pretty damn good.

**I think I read this chapter 4 times after I wrote it...I gotta admit, it's one of my favorites. I love Jordan... ****sigh**** Hope you enjoyed it! ~gagirl29**


	5. Wide awake

**Wide awake**

**I own nothing...thanks to everyone who's reading this. I've gotten so many hits on this story since I posted 4 days ago. **

After spending two days with my family, with Jay and Angela, I find myself lying wide awake in the middle of my double bed in the guest room of Angela's house. Two whole days, of being with her and with Jay when he wasn't at school, has made me think about the sad, sorry state of my life. It's made me yearn for things I didn't even know that I wanted.

Never having been a part of a real family, I had no idea what it was like. I would have never thought something as simple as helping my son with his homework would give me so much pleasure. Especially considering how much I struggled when I was in school. If it hadn't been for Angela, I'm sure I would have dropped out.

Having dinner, all three of us, together at the table was great. I don't think I ever remember a time when my mom and dad sat down to dinner with me. The times I had eaten dinner with the Chase family as a teenager doesn't count because I was nervous as hell, wanting to escape the whole time.

Walking to the park around the corner, pushing Jay on the swings, playing catch. Sitting on his bed, playing Xbox with him, that was fun. Sitting on the sofa with him watching SpongeBob while Angela was making dinner. Those are things normal families do, right?

I love watching Angela and Jay together. It's obvious that they love each other very much. I'm very grateful to her for how she is raising my son. Despite the fact that he often gets in trouble at school, something I can relate to, he is a very smart, very polite little boy. I can't take any credit for it because I'm never around. That's something I hope to change very soon.

Angela and I haven't talked much since Monday afternoon. We've both gone back to avoiding the whole subject. We haven't had anymore physical contact, either. Not long after she admitted to me that she hadn't slept with Matt, she completely shut down on me. I had expected it, so I didn't fight it. I know I need to give her time. If I push her on this, we'll never get back together. I don't even want to think about that.

We went back to being, well, friends. Damn, that doesn't even sound right in my head. She's never been just my friend. Several times, after we had broken up for one stupid reason or another, we tried just being friends. It never worked. We'd always end up sleeping together, which in turn, always ended with us together again.

When Jay got home yesterday, it was a distraction for both of us. He was so excited to see me, and I was happy to be with him again. It pushed everything to the back of my mind. I didn't want anything to ruin my time with him.

This morning, after he got on the school bus, Angela got busy around the house and I sat in the living room watching TV with my laptop in front of me. After checking and returning emails, returning phone calls and even getting down some lyrics that had been floating around in my head, I shut it off and went to sit on the deck.

Before long, Angela came out and sat in the chair beside me. We didn't really even say anything important. We just kind of sat together. We made lunch together, sub sandwiches, thanks to me for going to the grocery store and buying food that was actually fit to eat, and took them back out to the deck. It was nice, just being with her, laughing and joking around. For the first time in a long time, I didn't feel the need to piss her off. We'd gotten so good at fighting that I'd forgotten what it felt like to just be together.

Before we knew it, the afternoon had passed and Jay was getting off the school bus. For the rest of the day, and night, I did whatever Jay wanted me to do. I'm not sure when I'll see him again. I mean, we'll be on the East coast soon, but even then things will be crazy. I'm gonna have to see what I can do to make sure I get to spend more time with him. And hopefully, with Angela, too.

Looking at the clock, I realize that here I am, wide awake after midnight. Again. Why can't I ever just go to sleep? I think entirely too much. I wish I could just shut my mind off or something.

Getting out of bed, I quietly make my way into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of milk. As I'm standing there, in front of the sink drinking my milk, I notice Angela's iPod laying on the windowsill. Maybe if I listen to some music, I'll be able to relax. After I finish my milk and put the glass in the dishwasher, I grab the iPod and head back to the bedroom.

Settling back down in the bed, I turn the iPod on. Not even bothering to look at what song's playing, I stick the ear buds in my ears and close my eyes.

Ok, so she likes to listen to Residue. Not wanting to hear myself, I start flipping through the songs. Damn, she's got all our songs on here. There's even some on here that I didn't know were recordings. As I'm laying here, flipping through song after song, I come upon one that I'd tried my best to forget about. How she got it on her iPod, I don't know.

As I lay here, listening to myself sing 'Red', I start to chuckle. I really was an idiot back then. How the hell did I ever expect her to believe I wrote this song about my fucking car? It was bad enough that I invited her to hear me sing it and I even kissed, really kissed her for the first time that night. Then when she told me her parents had to meet me so that we could go out, I freaked. That next day, when Ricky told me she was mad at me and why, I didn't know what to say. So I told him the song was about my car.

Yeah, I'm a real prize. It's no wonder she wants to be done with me. Taking the ear buds out and turning the iPod off, I lay it on the table beside the bed. Flipping over onto my stomach, I try to get comfortable.

After a few minutes of laying here, I can hear a door opening. Maybe Jay has to use the bathroom. As I'm turning back over, the door to my room opens.

"Jordan, are you awake?" What is she doing in here?

"Yeah, I'm awake. I guess my body's still on Pacific time." So, she can't sleep either.

"Can I come in?" Uh, yeah.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Isn't that what she said to me?

"Shut up." She walks over to the bed and pulls back the covers. "Move over."

Ok, so what is she doing? She's just going to climb into bed with me? Am I supposed to keep my hands to myself, or what?

As I move over, to make room for her, she gets under the covers and lays her head on the pillow facing me. With the lights off, I can barely see her. But I can smell her and I can feel the warmth coming off her body.

"Uh, Angela. You do know I sleep in my underwear, right?" I can be naked in seconds, if you want me to be.

"Yeah, I know. I just thought we should talk." What? Talk? Damn it.

"So, you come and climb into bed with me, in the middle of the night, so we can just talk?" God, I'm in so much trouble.

"Well, yeah. We can be near each other without doing that, can't we? And we seem to get along better this time of night." When we're on the phone, 2000 miles away from each other. Not in the same bed, half naked.

"Woman, you're killing me. How am I supposed to concentrate with you this close to me? Especially when I know all you have on is a t shirt." I'm gonna make a fool of myself, I know it.

"Can you please just try to control yourself for few minutes?" I'll try, but I won't promise anything.

"Ok, talk. I'm listening." I have to cross my arms over my chest, to keep from reaching out to her.

"I've really thought about the things we said to each other yesterday. I've thought about everything." She pauses to take a deep breath, before rushing on. "I mean, we've both made mistakes. We've both done things to hurt each other. You and I never seem to be able to communicate what it is we're thinking or feeling. Until we figure that out, I don't think we should try to get back together."

"What? You came in here to tell me that? You told me that yesterday." Fuck.

"Jordan, wait. Let me finish." I know I won't like hearing what she has to say, but I'll listen anyway.

"Just say it, ok? Just get it over with so..." She put her hand over my mouth. What the hell?

"Just shut up and let me talk. What I'm saying is, I'm willing to start over. I'm willing to try this with you. Because I love you." With her hand still over my mouth, she continues, "But if we do this, we're going to do it my way. I won't settle for having just a piece of Jordan, the rock star. I want Jordan Catalano. All of him. I didn't marry you because you were famous. I married you because I've always loved you.

I understand that you have a career in the spotlight. I know you love what you do and I will never, ever ask you to give that up. But I don't want to always come second to your music. Before, I always felt like I was an obligation to you, not a priority. If we're a family, Jay and I should be one of your priorities. Can you handle that? If not, you need to let me know now."

Removing her hand from my mouth, I imagine that she's looking at me expectantly. "Are you done? Can I talk now?" Am I asleep? Did she really just tell me everything I wanted to hear?

"Yes, you can talk now." Why do I feel like crying?

"Red, all I want is a chance. Just knowing that you're willing to give me that chance means everything. You know what a fuck up I am. But I love you. I'm tired of not being with you. I'll do whatever you want me to. Just please be patient with me." Am I allowed to touch her now? Because I don't think I can keep talking without making a fool of myself. I may just break down and cry like a fucking baby if I keep on.

"We're going to have to take it slow. I'm not going to rush into anything. If we decide that this isn't working, either of us, we'll put a stop to it before one of us gets hurt." What does she mean, take it slow?

"So, what does 'take it slow' mean?" Please don't say I can't touch you.

"I mean, I'm not ready for you to move back in or anything. Not like you could, with the tour and all, but maybe we could like, date or something. You know, just spend time together. We never really did that. And we need to really work on our communication. Learn how to talk to each other about the important things." Yeah, ok.

"So, you want us to start dating? Does that mean I can't touch you? Does that mean I can't tell you that I love you? Because if we're together, I don't think I could stop from doing either." Nice, Jordan.

"Well." Why is she hesitating? "I guess you can touch me. And hearing that you love me won't be so bad." What, can I touch her now? Or is she going to say I have to wait?

"Can I touch you now? Because if you say I can't, I may just die." Please.

Reaching for my hand, she pulls me toward her. "I want you to touch me now." As my body comes in contact with hers, all I feel is skin. Oh my god. Has she really been laying here beside me, this whole time, completely totally naked?

"Angela, you hussy! If I had known you were naked, you probably wouldn't have gotten a word out!" Wrapping my hands in her hair, I pull her lips to mine. The only thing between us is my boxers. "Damn, woman. Do you know how hard it's been for me to keep my hands off you? And you were laying this close to me with not a stitch of clothes on?"

"Jordan, when did you start talking so much? Please just shut up and kiss me." Laughing out loud, I can't help but give her what she wants.

I'm so glad I decided to come home.

**I know that this is a short chapter...sorry. I promise to make it up to you in the next one. Hope you enjoyed it! If you haven't...and a lot of you haven't, please leave a review. Let me know what you think. Do you like it or not? :) ~gagirl29**


	6. Taking it slow

**Taking it slow**

**I own nothing...**

Laying in bed, in my room in LA, I'm listening to the sounds of the city outside my open window. I'm happy. I'm happier than I've been in a really long time. Why? Because Angela has agreed to give us another chance. She wants to start over. She wants to take it slow.

Not that I know how to do that, exactly, but I'm willing to try. She means that much to me. And besides, we've always just kinda rushed into things. But she says we can do this, so that's what we're doing. Thank God she didn't say we couldn't sleep together.

It's been one week since she climbed into my bed and made me very happy, on several counts. We had an amazing night together. Hell, the whole trip was amazing. I honestly never thought I'd go out there and come back happy. I went for two reasons, to get under her skin and to see Jay. I guess I did accomplish what I set out to do, but it turned out way better than I imagined.

Here I lay in the dark, alone, and the demons are nowhere in sight. For the first time in a long time, I don't feel empty inside. I actually feel like I have something to look forward to. I'm not living my life for the stage anymore.

As I'm just starting to fall asleep, my phone rings. Picking it up from where it lays on the table beside the bed, I see that it's Angela. It's just after 11 pm here, so that means it's 2 am there. I haven't talked to her since last night.

"Hey, babe. What are you doing up so late?" I'm usually keeping her up.

"I just couldn't sleep. I didn't wake you, did I?" Well, not really. I was just starting to doze off.

"No, what's up?" We talk almost every night. Much like we did before. But now, we aren't hell bent on pissing each other off.

"Nothing, really. Just thinking about a lot of stuff." Uh, oh.

"What kind of stuff?" About us? This could be good or bad.

"Well, I gotta tell you something. You've got to promise not to get mad, ok?" I'm probably not going to like this.

"How can I promise not to be mad, when I have no idea what you're going to say?" Just say it, already.

"Ok, then just listen to me before you go off. Can you do that?" Whatever, just say it.

"Angela, what is it?" Come on.

"I went out to dinner with Matt tonight." What the hell?

"You did what? Why?" I knew I wouldn't like this.

"Just hear me out. He asked me, and I went. I felt like I owed it to him." Is she really doing this to me?

"You don't owe him a damn thing? And what's with all this shit about us starting over? Then you go on a date with your ex boyfriend? Really?" This is just fucking great.

"Jordan, let me finish. Don't get pissed off at me. I went because I thought he should know that we're trying to work things out, you and I. I wanted him to hear it from me. I didn't want him to read about it at the grocery store checkout or have one of my friends tell him. He really is a nice guy and he deserves better than the way I treated him." Why is she defending him?

"What do you mean? The way you treated him?" What is she talking about?

"Well, I kind of used him. I knew that he had feelings for me, feelings that I never returned. Still, I kept stringing him along because I was lonely, and because I knew how much you didn't like him. I knew you were jealous." Oh, god damn. I will never admit that to her.

"So what happened on this dinner date with Matt, the guy you never really liked?" This is unbelievable. This is Brian Krakow all over again. FUCK.

"Jordan, he asked me to marry him." Holy hell.

"I don't think I heard you right. You just said he asked you to marry him?" And here I thought things were going to work out for us.

"That's what I said." Breathe, Jordan.

"Angela, you better have told him no. Because if you said anything other than that, I'll be on the next flight to Pittsburgh." Maybe I should go anyway. Our next show is two nights away. I can make it to Santa Fe by Thursday night.

"What? Jordan, of course I told him no." Thank you, Jesus.

"Damn you, Angela. Don't do that to me." I was seriously considering bodily harm.

"I'm sorry." Did she just chuckle? Is she really laughing?

"It's not funny! I was ready to come and fight for you." Maybe I should have just let her tell me without interrupting her like she asked me to.

"Awww, that's sweet. But you don't have to fight for me." But I would.

"It's not sweet. I'm not sweet. Stay away from Matt." I don't want to talk about this anymore. The only person she is going to marry is me.

"Jordan, I'm sorry you got mad. I just thought you should know. I don't want any secrets between us. You don't have to worry about Matt. He knows that he has no chance. His exact words were, 'I knew I could never compete with the greatness that is Jordan Catalano, but I thought I would try'." Damn right.

"Good. He should remember that." I can't help but laugh, partly in relief.

"I told Mom and Dad that we were trying to work things out. You know how much my mom loves you, so she was happy. My dad was a different story." Yeah, Graham has never liked me.

"What did he say? He didn't give you a hard time about me, did he? I mean, come on. We're both adults now. It's not like I'm still trying to get his teenage daughter to sleep with me. And we do have a child together." Nothing is going to stop me from being with her this time.

"He's my dad. Of course he thinks you're going to break my heart all over again. He knows he can't can't change my mind. He just told me to be careful, that's all."

"Babe, we will be careful. We're going to do it right. We want to be together, so we'll do whatever it takes. This time, I'm not letting you go." Ever.

For a while, we just hold the phone. I enjoy this time. It's like we're together, in the same room. It's peaceful and soothing. Even when we were fighting, we still had this. After a few minutes, I hear her sigh.

"Is that all you were thinking about? Anything else you need to tell me?" I hope not.

"I've done nothing but think for the last week, but no, there's nothing else."

"Good, because I was laying here, all happy before you sprang that shit on me. I'm serious. I was thinking about flying home." To be with you.

"When are you coming home again? I mean to Three Rivers, to visit?" Yeah, home. I know what you mean.

"Why? You miss me or something?" Because I sure as hell miss you. "If I come home, do I have to stay in the guest room?"

"Do you want to sleep in the guest room? That bed is pretty comfortable." Funny girl.

"So is our bed. How 'bout you let me sleep in it?" Please.

"If you're really good, I might let you sleep with me."

"Oh, I'll be good. Want me to come home tomorrow and show you? I can leave for the airport now and be in Pittsburgh by noon." All you have to do is say the words.

"Don't you have a show Thursday night? What, you'll fly in for a quickie and then fly back out? I think that would just make me mad! We have a lot of lost time to make up for." I can hear her laughing. "Why don't you just wait until you can stay for a few days? It would be really nice if you could come home for the weekend. We can let Jay have a sleepover with Patrick at Sharon and Brian's. You could take me out on a real date, then we would have the whole night to ourselves. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

"Think Shane and Tommy would get mad if I skipped out on a few shows? I could just cancel our last four West coast shows." Yeah, I wish.

"Uh, yeah. I'm sure they, along with all your fans, would be pissed." I know she's right.

"Well, I know we're taking the week after next off, because we have to move everything to the East coast. Maybe I can come and stay from Thursday until Monday. Would that be ok? Do you think you could put up with me for that long?"

I have so much to do that week. I probably shouldn't be going to Three Rivers. I hadn't planned on it, but if she wants me to, I will. We were thinking about renting an apartment in New York for a few months so we'll have a place to crash on our off days. We're supposed to be looking at places with a real estate agent.

"That's two weeks away. I was hoping you could come next week." Ok, so I'm going home next week. And I'll stay the week after, too.

"You want me to come next week? I can do the Monday til Wednesday thing again." She's asking me to come home?

"So I'll pick you up like last time?" I'm dreaming, aren't I?

"Yeah, I'll let you know what time." I need to let her get to sleep, we've been talking for a while and she has to get Jay up for school in just a little bit.

"Hey, baby. You have to get up with Jay soon. I'm going to hang up now so you can get to sleep." I don't want to hang up, but we talk like this every night, then she complains of being tired all day.

"Do we have to hang up? I'll just lay here awake anyway. I used to use my iPod to help me get to sleep, but I can't find it. You could always sing to me." Crap, I didn't put her iPod back.

"I know where you iPod is. I was kinda listening to it the other night. It's still laying on the table beside the bed in the guest room." She uses my voice to get to sleep?

"You listened to my iPod? Jordan! Now, that's embarrassing." Huh?

"Why is it embarrassing? It's just music. So what? You like us. That's no big deal. I'm glad you like us, because you're a big part of what made us who we are. You've been around since the beginning."

Why is she embarrassed? I'm the one who should be embarrassed. Most of those songs were written for her or to her or about her. Our whole second album was basically about our divorce.

"Because it just is. Now you know my secret. I guess you could say I never got over my Jordan Catalano obsession from high school. If the tape you made for me back then hadn't broken from being played so many times, I would have those songs on there, too." Really?

"I'm kinda fond of your Jordan Catalano obsession. I hope you never get over it." She's the one girl who I want to be obsessed with me. "Speaking of tapes, how did you get 'Red' on your iPod. I had no idea that was recorded. I haven't sang that song in years and years."

"You heard that? Well, you can thank Shane for that one. He made it into an mp3 and sent it to me a while back." No way.

"Yeah, right. You and Shane can't stand each other. Why would he do that?" They've never gotten along.

"It might have had something to do with me threatening to give Rayanne Graff his number. He was more than willing to help me after that. And Shane and I have an understanding. I don't hurt you again, and he'll try to be nice to me." Shane is very protective of me, he's the closest thing I have to a brother.

"So Shane has a copy of that song? Now it's an mp3? I hope to God it doesn't leak out. That would be embarrassing. Did you delete the file after you put it on your iPod?" I must make sure Shane deleted the file, too.

"There's nothing wrong with that song. So you wrote a song for your first love? Big deal. Who cares that you wrote about your car? I think it's sweet." Here she goes again, trying to be a comedian.

"Oh, shut the hell up. You know that song was not about my fucking car! And I told you, I'm not sweet." Geez.

"You said it was about your car." I'm gonna get her for this.

"See what a dumbass I was back then? Go get your iPod and get to sleep, young lady. You need your rest." I need sleep, too.

"I don't want to get up. Why don't you just sing me a song? It doesn't matter which one, just sing to me. I love hearing your voice." I really don't want to sing, but because she asked me to, I will.

Holding the phone to my ear, listening to her breathe, I start to sing.

_No warning sign, no alibi_  
><em>We faded faster than the speed of light<em>  
><em>Took our chance, crashed and burned<em>  
><em>No we'll never ever learn<em>

_I fell apart, but got back up again_  
><em>And then I fell apart, but got back up again yeah<em>

_We both could see crystal clear_  
><em>That the inevitable end was near<em>  
><em>Made our choice, a trial by fire<em>  
><em>To battle is the only way we feel... alive<em>

_I fell apart, but got back up again_  
><em>And then I fell apart, but got back up again<em>  
><em>And then I fell apart, but got back up again<em>

_Way, oh, way, oh_  
><em>Way, oh, way, oh<em>  
><em>Way, oh<em>

_So here we are, the witching hour_  
><em>The quickest tongue to divide and devour<em>  
><em>Divide and devour<em>

_If I could end the quest for fire,_  
><em>For truth, for love and my desire<em>  
><em>Myself<em>

_And I fell apart, but got back up again_

_Way, oh, way, oh_  
><em>Way, oh, way, oh<em>  
><em>Way, oh, way, oh<em>  
><em>Way, oh, way, oh<em>  
><em>Way, oh<em>

_I fell apart, I fell apart_  
><em>I fell apart, I fell apart<em>  
><em>I fell apart<em>

_But got back up again_

When I stop singing, I'm sure she's asleep. I'm debating on just hanging up, but I can't make myself do it. As I sit here, holding this phone, not wanting to break our connection, I remember writing this song. I remember ever emotion that I felt as I put it down on paper. I go to shut my phone off when I hear her sigh.

"I was about to hang up. I thought I put you to sleep." I really need to hang up.

"No, I was listening. That's a new song, isn't it? I haven't heard that one before." Because no one has.

"It's new." I don't know if I want to put it on the new album or not. It's kind of personal. You know, it took forever for me to let Shane talk me into recording 'The Kill' and that has been our biggest hit. He said the more personal the song, the more passion behind it, is what makes it a good song.

"When did you write it? Around the same time I started taking birth control again?" She knows me too well.

"Yeah. Good night, Red. Sweet dreams." Hope you dream of me.

"Good night, Jordan."

"Hey, Red?"

"I love you, too. Now go to sleep. I'll call you later."

Man, I love that woman. Shutting the phone off, I go right to sleep.

**Hope you enjoyed it! Have a good weekend. Again, I forgot to mention that I used 30STM songs. ~gagirl29**


	7. Some things never change

**Some things never change**

**I own nothing...Thanks to my faithfuls! I love reading your reviews. **

How do I do it? How do I always manage to fuck things up? I don't even have to try. I knew things seemed too good to be true. I'm never allowed to be happy for long. I guess I'm just destined to be a sad miserable fuck for the rest of my life.

Angela is mad at me, _again._ This time, it's not my fault. I swear it's not, but she's still mad and I'm still miserable. She's not answering her phone, she's not returning my text messages. I even emailed her, but she hasn't returned that, either.

I didn't make it to Three Rivers last week. I wanted to. I had planned to. I'd even bought my plane ticket. Then our manager called and said we had to play the Tonight Show on Monday night. I couldn't leave. And if I'd gone after the taping, we still would have had only one night together. So I couldn't go last week.

We've been in New York since Monday, trying to secure an apartment and storage space for our buses and equipment. We had to move everything from LA to New York to prepare for our East coast tour. Here I am, in New York on Thursday evening, waiting on our real estate agent to bring us the keys to our new apartment. The same Thursday that I planned to fly home.

I called Angela yesterday morning to tell her I probably wouldn't make it until Friday afternoon. She got really mad at me and told me not to bother to come at all. She said she knew I would never change. She said I was still putting my job first. She hung up on me and now she won't talk to me.

Hell, what was I supposed to do? I can't just say fuck it and drop everything. We've been apart this long, what's one more day? I have stuff to do. Stuff that can't be put off.

We found a place to park the buses. We found a place to store the equipment. We even found a flat for the crew to use. We weren't so lucky with finding an apartment. Probably because all three of us are picky as hell.

It took us 3 days and 22 apartments before Shane, Tommy and I agreed on one. The location was never right, it didn't have a balcony, the rooms were too small, the doorman was rude. There were a variety of different reasons that it took so long. I'm just glad it's finally settled. Now if the damn agent would hurry, I could still make it to Three Rivers tonight.

I told the agent that we needed to be in the apartment by Thursday. I should have told her Wednesday. We'd already paid the 6 month lease and signed all the papers. We were just waiting on her to bring the keys.

Shane, Tommy and I are sitting in the back of our limo parked in front of the apartment. We've been here for over an hour already and everyone's patience is wearing thin. Checking my phone for the third time in less than 5 minutes, with still no word from Angela or the real estate agent, I sigh and shove it back in my pocket. Apparently, I was getting on Shane's nerves.

"Damn it, Jay. Will you please chill with the fucking phone? It'll let you know if someone is trying to reach you. It's not going to ring just because you keep looking at it." Laying his head back on the seat, he closes his eyes. "The agent will be here soon. She must have gotten stuck in traffic or something."

"She just needs to hurry up. I've got somewhere to be." I haven't told Shane and Tommy that Angela and I were trying to work things out. Well, we were trying. I don't know what we're doing now. I just don't want Shane to start giving me shit about it. He and Angela have never gotten along.

When I first started talking to Angela, Shane told me he didn't like her. He thought she was weird. He even said so, more than once, and to her face. That's why I was sneaking down to the boiler room to be with her. I didn't want my friends giving me shit about being with her because I really did like her. I was just too stupid to realize I should have stood up to them from the beginning.

When I did tell them that I wanted to be with her, he told me to do what I wanted. If I wanted to be with her, go ahead. He also told me that she wasn't the type of girl that would sleep with me without being in a relationship. Everyone knew I didn't do relationships. I only went out with girls for one thing. Until Angela.

After we broke up the first time, he was the first one to say "I told you so." He was also the first one to sit and listen to me bitch and moan about her. Then after the shit with Rayanne Graff, he saw how miserable I was. After practice on night, he handed me a beer and let me spill my guts to him. He told me that no matter how he felt about Angela, he could see how much I cared about her. He told me to talk to her, to tell her I was sorry. That's how all that shit with the love letter got started.

And speaking of Brian Krakow and that stupid fucking letter, after Angela found out Brian had written the damn thing, she told me she didn't think we could be together and she started dating him. I had to find another tutor and everything. For three months, the rest of the school year, I had to watch her walk around school with him holding hands. I'm sure all they ever did was hold hands because that little fucker was too scared to try anything else.

It wasn't until that Summer, at one of Tino's parties that I found out what had really been going on. Me and Shane had just gotten there, not even out of the car yet, when Angela and Rayanne came around the side of the house, followed closely by Brian. I could tell that she was pissed about something, Rayanne was trying to calm her down. I guess they didn't see me and Shane, because we witnessed the whole thing.

Brian said something to her and she turned on him. She started yelling at him. I couldn't hear what she was saying, so I got out and leaned against the front of the car. Shane got out and sat on the hood beside me, watching the show.

Angela told him that she was tired of him following her around, she wanted him to leave her alone. At that point, I probably should have walked away, but I made myself stay there. I'm glad I did.

She said he shouldn't have come. She said she broke up with him and it was over. She told him that he was never really her boyfriend, she never even liked him that way. She thought she could be with him because he cared about her, but she couldn't pretend anymore. He was getting on her nerves and she just wanted him to go away.

As I watched Brian Krakow turn from her and walk down the driveway, I felt bad for him. I mean, I knew how he felt about her. I knew that he was probably more in love with her than I was. She had just basically told him that she'd used him.

We ended up getting back together that night. She told me that she thought she could use Brian to make me jealous. I told her that it worked. We spent the rest of the summer together and the first part of the new school year, before I fucked up again. But to be fair, she's fucked up plenty, too.

My phone rings, pulling me out of my memories. As I'm pulling it out of my pocket, the real estate agent is tapping on the window. Seeing Angela's name on the display, I get out of the car and walk a little way down the sidewalk before taking the call.

"Hey, Angela. I've been trying to call you all day. Why haven't you returned my calls." I know she's mad at me. Maybe she won't yell too much.

"I know you have. I didn't feel like talking to you. I was busy." Why is it always like this? When things are good, they're really good. When they're bad, everything sucks. "What do you want?"

"What do I want? I want to come home, to be with you. We had plans, right?" I hope we still have plans.

"I thought I told you not to bother. Don't you have things you need to do anyway? I don't want to keep you from doing what's important." She acts so childish sometimes.

"Angela, don't do this. I know you're mad at me, but I'm still coming. I didn't say I wasn't, I just said I'd be a day late. I can stay until Tuesday to make up for today." Our first show isn't until Thursday night in New Jersey, so I won't have to rush back.

Shane walks up, stopping beside me. "Hey, we got the keys. The driver is unloading your bags." I expected him to leave, but he's still just standing there, giving me that look. The look that I get when he knows I'm trying to keep something from him.

"Hey, can you hold on a minute? Please don't hang up." I say into the phone. "Shane, what? Why are you looking at me that way?"

Shaking his head, he scowls at me. "That's Angela, isn't it? It all makes sense now. That's where you went a few weeks ago. That's why you were in such a fucking chipper mood for the last few weeks. And that's why you've been pissy all day. You're fighting again."

"Yeah, so? What's your point?" Please get on with this. She's gonna hang up on me.

"Damn it, Jay. Don't start this shit again. How many times are the two of you going to play this game? You were almost over her. I thought for once, you were finally going to be done with that woman." Turning his back to me, he takes a few steps, then turns back, tossing my key to me. "I'll talk to you when you get off the phone." He walks away, heading up the steps to the front door.

Taking a deep breath, I put the phone back to my ear. "You there?"

"I'm here. I take it you haven't told Shane anything? He doesn't seem too happy that you're even talking to me." Shit.

"He'll get over it." It doesn't matter what Shane thinks.

"Look, Jordan, I know you have things to do. I was already mad when you called yesterday and I took it out on you. If you can't come, I'll understand." That's a start, right?

"I did have things to do, but they're done now. We were waiting on the agent to bring the keys for our apartment. We weren't able to sign the lease until this morning. That's why I couldn't leave." Does she want me to come, or not? "I can still get a flight out tonight and take a cab to the house."

"Why don't you just fly out in the morning? It's getting late and Jay will be getting ready for bed soon. Get settled into your apartment tonight and call me in the morning to let me know what time to pick you up." That was easier than I thought it would be.

"So you do still want me to come? For a while there I thought you'd changed your mind." We have to get better at this. "I'm sorry that I couldn't make it today. I would really rather be with you and Jay right now."

"Yes, I want you to come. I was just pouting." And acting childish.

"Ok, I'll text you later with the flight times. I need to get inside. I'm sure Shane isn't done with me. I didn't tell him or Tommy. Guess I should have, huh?" It wasn't like I was sneaking around or anything.

"You tell Shane to mind his own business. It's not up to him what we do. Sometimes he can be an ass." I wish they would just try to get along.

"I'm sure that will come up. You know, he is just looking out for me, he knows what we do to each other. I think that's why you guys don't get along. Just like your friend Sharon has never liked me. But like you said, it's not up to them, is it?"

"No, it's not. Go face the music. I'll talk to you later."

Telling her bye, I hang up the phone, slipping it in my pocket. Not in a hurry to hear Shane tell me why all this is wrong, I walk into the building slowly. Taking the elevator up to our 12th floor apartment, I walk to the door and stand outside for a minute before using my key to get in. Tommy is standing by the balcony door and Shane is nowhere to be seen.

Tommy turns to look at me. "So, you and Angela?" Tommy has never been one to talk much. He usually just says what he's thinking.

"Yeah, I think so. We're going to try anyway." I like it that Tommy has stayed out of it. He and Angela do get along. They've always been friendly to each other. Maybe because Tommy keeps his opinions to himself most of the time, unlike Shane.

"That's cool. Just be careful, man." Tommy turns back to look out the window.

Shane, walking back into the room, heads straight for me. "What the hell are you thinking? How many times have you done this? She fucking divorced you, Jay. She told you to leave. Why would you put yourself in that position again?"

"Because, I love her, Shane. I don't want to be without her. And I'm tired of spending so much time away from my son." Because I can't live without them.

"I don't get it. You could have any girl you want. Or every girl you want, but you always go running back to her. Why is that? I've never understood it." Me, either.

"All I know is that I do love her and we're going to try to work this out. Three years is a long time. We're not kids anymore. We've both grown up since we first got together. Maybe it will work out this time. I won't know unless I try, though." I have stuff to do, I don't want to be standing here arguing with him about this again.

"You drive me crazy, you know that? This time you better make it work, because I'm tired of having to help put you back together when it's over." Sitting down on the sofa, he looks up at me. "You leaving tonight? It's a little, late isn't it?"

"No, I'll leave in the morning. I won't be back until Tuesday afternoon." Grabbing some of my bags from the floor, I head down the hall to the bedroom I had picked out yesterday. When I return to get the rest of them, Shane stops me by putting his hand on my arm.

"Look, Jay. I do want you to be happy. I'm just tired of seeing you do this dance with her. Work it all out this time. Make sure that this is what you want before you make any major decisions." I know he only wants what's best for me. And I know what he's saying makes sense.

"Shane, I know where you're coming from. I am listening to what you're saying. I've thought about this and thought about it. It's what I want. We both want it. We just have to figure out how to keep it." Slipping my arm around his shoulders, I give him a squeeze. "Thanks for worrying about me. I love you, too."

Laughing, he pushes me away. "Get the fuck off, man! Go unpack your shit, I want to go out for dinner."

Walking back to my room, I unpack my clothes, putting them away. Pulling out my laptop, I reserve an 8 am flight from New York to Pittsburgh. When I get the conformation email, I forward it to Angela. Pulling out my phone, I text her. "_See you at 10 am. Wish I were there right now. See you soon. ILY ~ Jordan."_

She wastes no time texting me back. "_Can't wait. See you then. I'll bring Red. ILY2 ~Angela."_

With my phone in my pocket and smile on my face, I leave my bedroom, ready to go to dinner with the boys. We head out on foot, ending up at a restaurant just around the corner. After we eat dinner, Shane wants to stop for drinks, so I head back home.

I pack my bags and sit them by the door before rushing through my shower and brushing my teeth. I head back to the bedroom, crawling in bed, I go right to sleep.

**I'll say it, even if you ignore it...please review. There are so many of you reading, but none of you bother to let me know what you think. I guess if you're continuing to read, you must like it, right? ~gagirl29**


	8. Feelings

**Feelings**

**I own nothing...just my imagination. I should probably warn you, this chapter is definitely rated NC 17. Hope you enjoy! :)**

I have no idea what's gotten into me lately. I find myself thinking about, and talking about, my feelings an awful lot. _Feelings_ were never my specialty. Hell, _talking_ has never been my specialty. I've been told a time or two that I have no feelings, that I'm emotionally crippled or something, so this is a surprise to me.

I think about how miserable I'd been each time Angela and I split up. I think about how happy I am when we're back together. How lonely I am when I'm sleeping alone on the bus, or in a hotel room, or in our apartment. I think about the joy I experienced when Jay was born, the pride I felt when we heard our first single on the radio, the high I get when I'm on stage. Those are all feelings I'm familiar with.

I'm starting to feel like a fucking girl, all in touch with my feelings and shit. Maybe I should have channeled my inner female a long time ago. Maybe then I could have talked to Angela instead of just ignoring our problems. Maybe everything would have been different.

So here I am, thinking about feelings again. Thinking about how I'm feeling right now, right at this moment. I know one thing. If I were to die right now, I think I'd die happy.

You know that feeling you get when you're doing something that you know you've done before? Where you've done the exact same thing, in the exact same place? With the exact same person? What's that called? Deja something? That's what I'm feeling right now. Well, that and a whole lot more.

I've been in this same spot many times over the years. Sitting behind the wheel of Red, listening to the radio. With my head thrown back and my eyes closed. Some of my fondest memories took place in this car, as well as some of my not so fondest memories.

I lived in this car for a few weeks when I first went to LA. I've slept in this car, I've eaten in this car. I've gotten drunk in her, I've thrown up in her and I've even wrecked her a time or two. I've had girls in here. I've had sex with girls in here. Angela and I have had sex in here many, many times. I have a pretty good feeling now is going to be another one of those times.

Angela picked me up at the airport a little while ago. She showed up this morning, greeting me with a kiss, wearing a floral print sundress with barely there straps and sandals, hair hanging down around her shoulders. She'd been smiling since she first spotted me, so I take it she's over what happened a few days ago. If she's happy and apparently over it, then so am I.

We left the airport, headed toward Three Rivers. With the radio blasting and the top down, Angela right beside me with her hand on my leg, I drove toward home. We really didn't say much. We couldn't, not with the wind blowing and the blaring speakers. We were just happy to be together again.

I pulled in the driveway, opening the garage door, pulled Red inside, and shut the engine off. As the door was closing behind us, I started to turn toward Angela. Before I knew it, she had her tongue in my mouth and her hands in my hair. I wrapped my arms around her and tried to pull her into my lap, but she pulled back. As she was smiling at me, her hands were unfastening my shorts. Slipping her hand down the front of boxers, she leaned toward me for another kiss.

As I'm kissing her, licking at her lips, sliding my tongue against hers, she's working my shorts down around my hips, freeing my cock. The next thing I know, she's laying across the front seat with her head in my lap, her mouth moving on me.

That's how I find myself again, my head thrown back against the seat, my eyes closed. The radio is on. Angela's head is in my lap and my dick is in her mouth. I tried to keep my eyes open so I could watch her, but it just feels too good.

Wrapping my hands in her hair, not to hold her in place, but to stop myself from pulling her up, I can't help but moan. The things she's doing to me feels so fucking good. She knows just how I like it. Her mouth, so warm and so soft, sliding up and down. Her breath, whispering across my thighs as she exhales. She knows how fast to move, or how slow. She knows how to drive me crazy.

Opening my eyes, seeing her head move up and down in my lap, feeling her lick and suck on me, I can't take it anymore. Taking her by the shoulders, I ease her up beside me. Taking her face in my hands, I take her mouth with mine. I don't think I could ever get tired of kissing her, of tasting her. I just want to ravish her.

She's now on her knees beside me on the seat. Moving one hand from her face, I run it down over her shoulder, across her breast, down the front of her dress to her leg. As I caress her naked thigh, moving my hand under the edge of her dress, her hands are pulling my shirt up. Sitting up, I let her pull my shirt over my head. It seems like her hands are everywhere. On my face, on my chest, on my dick. And, God, her mouth is everywhere, too.

As she's peppering kisses across my chest and up to my ear, my hand is moving to the top of her panties. Hearing her moan, with her mouth right against my ear as I slip my fingers into her has to be the sexiest sound I have ever heard. She's so wet and hot. As I move my fingers inside her, stroking her, I feel her tighten around me. If I don't get inside of her soon, we're going to have a mess to clean up.

"Babe, let's take this in the house." With her mouth on my neck and her hand stroking me, this is going to be over quick. "Please? I can't take much more of this. I've got to be inside of you."

Moving back from me, she sits down on the seat. Leaning back, she reaches under her dress and pulls her panties down her legs and off, before throwing them in the floor. "I don't want to go inside. I want you right here."

She pulls on me until I'm sitting in the middle of the front seat. Throwing her leg over me, she straddles my lap. As hard as I am and as wet as she is, and the position that we're in, if I moved just an inch I would be inside her. When I push against her slick opening and start to slip inside, she pulls back. "No, not yet." God she's going to be the death of me.

Groaning, I capture her bottom lip between my teeth biting down on it gently. "Baby. Come on. You're killing me."

She starts to move her hips, rubbing her slick wet skin against me, careful not to let me slip inside. I know she's enjoying it, she's enjoying this torture. Her mouth is all over me, licking, sucking, biting anywhere it lands. The feel of her teeth on my skin, her tongue licking me, it's all driving me insane.

One of her hands is in my hair, the other is squeezing my side. I start to anticipate her moves. As she slides up, I position myself just right. When she slides back down, she takes me all the way inside.

For a few seconds, neither of us move. Then both of us are moving. Leaning forward, I catch her lips with mine. She's grinding down on me, as I'm pushing up into her. Our movements are frantic, frenzied. It's like we're racing to the end. Both of us are out of control. If we keep this up, it'll all be over in a second.

I'm not ready for it to be over. I take her hips and hold her still. Taking her dress in my hands, I pull it over her head. Still inside of her, still rock hard, I hold her hips in place as I lean forward, greedily sucking at first one breast and then the other, listening to her whimper and moan.

I can feel her start to slowly move against me. Loosening my grip on her, she starts to rock back and forth, I continue to lick and suck on her. Sliding my hands around to her ass, I hold on and she starts rocking up and down on my cock.

Looking at her, watching her, with her head thrown back, her face flushed. Feeling her tight body gripping mine as she moves is like heaven. It's amazing what she does to me. This feeling that she gives me in unexplainable. Every stroke, every caress, every kiss with her is amazing.

When she leans into me, still stroking up and down, I feel her body grow taut. Her breathing is erratic and uneven in my ear. She's moaning my name, gyrating her hips. I know she's about to lose it. I can always tell.

Holding her arms, pushing her away from me so I can watch her come apart, I start to thrust up into her. Her eyes are open, locked with mine. I see her arch her back, biting her lip. I move my hands to her sides and hers are on my shoulders.

With us moving, stroking, sliding against each other, I watch her come apart. Her eyes close, her mouth falls open, she's crying out my name. God, I missed this. I don't think I'll ever get enough of it. I continue to thrust into her as her body starts to slow, feeling her contract against me, hearing her moaning, saying my name.

Wrapping her in my arms, pulling her body against mine, I thrust harder and harder. She feels so good. I want to just keep doing this for hours and hours, but my body won't let me. I can feel myself harden, my muscle straining. Turning my face to hers, I take her mouth, slipping my tongue inside. Kissing, thrusting, I empty myself inside of her.

It takes me a few minutes to catch my breath. Her body, still draped around me, is slick with sweat. I'm almost afraid to let go of her because she may slide to the floor.

Although it wasn't the first time, it's been a long time since we've done anything like this. Out of all the times we'd done it in Red, this will be the time I remember above all others. It was wild and crazy and sexy and I loved every minute of it.

Pushing her hair from her face, I steal a kiss. "So, I guess you missed me, huh?"

"What makes you think I missed you?" Pushing herself up, she looks down at me. "Maybe I'm just using you for sex."

"Is that so? I don't seem to have a problem with that at the moment." Please use me.

Now, both of us laughing, she moves off me and sits beside me on the seat. Grabbing her dress, as I reach for my shirt, we start to pull our clothes back on. As she's running her fingers through her hair, I can't resist pulling her to me.

"God, Angela. That was hot. It was like something straight out of my fantasies. Promise me we can do that again sometime?" Watching her grin, I brush my lips against hers again.

"Make sure you come home and I'll make sure you get what you want." Opening the passenger door, she gets out and waits for me to get out behind her.

After grabbing my bags from the backseat, I take her hand and head into the house.

* * *

><p>Later that night, Angela and I are sitting at a corner table in her dad's restaurant. We'd just been seated when Graham came out from the back. When he spots us, he comes right over. Standing I shake his hand and then watch as he bends to kiss Angela's cheek.<p>

"Hello, Graham. How are you?" Even though I know he doesn't like me, I'm still polite to him.

"I'm fine, Jordan. Just really busy." Turning to Angela, he asks, "Where's Jay?"

"He's staying at the Krakow's tonight. He and Patrick are having a sleepover. You'll probably see him in the morning. You know he's not going to spend the night across the street from Grandpa and Grandma without stopping in." It's still hard for me to imagine Brian Krakow married to Sharon Cherski. And they live in his parents house across the street from the Chase's. Weird.

Turning back to me, he says, "So how long are you staying this time? Am I going to be seeing more of you, or is this just a visit?"

"Dad, don't start." I watch as Angela rolls her eyes.

Smiling at her, I say, "This time, I'm only here until Tuesday. I'm hoping that I get to come home every week, or at least every other week. I'll be living in New York with the rest of the band while we finish the East Coast portion of our tour. And I'm hoping Angela and Jay will be able to spend some time with me in New York while he's out of school for the summer." I won't let him get to me.

"So you plan to hang around? You aren't going to run out when things get tough?" What the hell?

"DAD!" Angela starts to say something to her father, but I hold up my hand to stop her. I need to say this to him.

"Graham, I understand that you want to protect your daughter, I get that. But Angela and I are adults. We're trying to work all this out so that we can be together, as a family. I've made some mistakes, I won't deny it. I should have stayed and fought for my marriage, instead of running from my problems." Standing a little straighter, I tell him, "I love Angela. I want to be with her and with my son. I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen."

Graham, still standing in the same spot, still staring at me, nods his head. "Good. I'm glad to hear that. I hope the two of you can finally get your act together. You both need to figure out what you want and think about what's really important, your family." Graham turns to go.

As I take my seat across from Angela, he turns back to us. "Jordan, I only want what's best for all of you. If you and Angela can work things out, that would be wonderful for everyone. Why don't you guys come by on Sunday for dinner at the house?"

Looking at Angela, seeing the smile that she's giving her dad, I know that she would like that. "Sure. Just let us know what time to be there. Thanks, Graham."

"Enjoy your dinner. Whatever you want, it's on the house. I'll have Cindy bring you a bottle of wine." As Graham walks away, Angela reaches across the table to take my hand.

"Well, that was awkward." No, not really.

"He just wants to know what my intentions are, that's all. He wants to make sure you don't get hurt again. I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen." I don't care if I have to explain to everyone.

"We don't have to go if you don't want to. I mean, don't feel like you have to just because he asked." Toying with her napkin, she looks down.

"Why wouldn't we go? I don't mind having dinner with your parents." I can tell she's still unsure. "It's no big deal."

"Ok, we'll go." So, that's settled.

Picking up the menu, I turn my thoughts toward dinner. I seem to be starving all of a sudden. After Cindy brings our wine and we order, we spend a few minutes just looking across the table at each other.

This is nice. "So talk to me. Tell me about your day." Seeing her blush, I can't help but chuckle. "Well, you don't have to tell me about your day. I remember it, in vivid detail. Tell me about the rest of your week then."

As I sit there across the table from Angela, sipping my wine and listening to her tell me about taking Jay to get his haircut and shopping for new shoes and going to the grocery store, I realize something. I've never really just sat and listened to Angela. I mean, she talks to me all the time. I hear what she's saying and all, but I don't think I've ever really listened before.

You know, I realize that I've been selfish and self centered. I've been totally focused on myself and what I want and how I feel. Maybe, just maybe, if I learn to listen and I take the time to consider her feelings and what she wants, we'll be ok.

We finish our dinner. Graham stops back by the table to ask how it was and remind us to come by on Sunday. Angela hugs her dad, promising to call. As we're walking out the door, with her hand in mine, I feel good, really good. I kinda think this being in touch with my feelings thing is not so bad after all.

**Hope you liked it... ;) Review, please.**


	9. Memory lane

**Memory lane**

**I own nothing...Sorry for the delay!**

As you get older and you move on, you tend to forget things. You forget people, you forget places. You forget thoughts and feelings. Sometimes you remember them, sometimes you don't. It's always the things that impact your life the most that you hang on to.

Driving through Three Rivers, Pennsylvania, memories are jumping out at me from everywhere. The gas station where I worked, the loft where we practiced, the school, the cinema, Let's Bolt, Vertigo, all places that impacted my life.

When I turned onto the street Angela's parents live on, so many things hit me at once. Picking Angela up for school, taking her home from school. Picking her up for a date, bringing her home and making out in Red parked at the curb. Sneaking in late at night, just to kiss her before heading home. Sneaking in at night to do more than kiss her.

I pulled the car to a stop in front of the house, like I'd done so many times in the past. The memories kept coming at me, faster than I could sort through them in my head. The time I drove off, headed for LA, watching Angela in the rear view mirror. When I came home from LA six months later and drove straight to Angela. It all comes back to her.

To be honest, everything makes me think of Angela, reminds me of her. But this house, this is where it really began for us. We'd been dancing around each other, dating on and off, for over a year when it finally happened. When we finally did _it._ And we did it in her bed with her parents sleeping down the hall. Guess she wasn't joking.

I got out and went around to the passenger side to open Angela's door for her. As she and Jay got out of the car, I glanced over toward the Krakow's house. Just like old times, Brian Krakow was standing on the porch, watching us. Brian is smart, really smart, but he kinda creeps me out. I mean, as long as I've known him, he's had a problem staring at people. Like he's staring at us now. Throwing my hand up, I wave to him and turn back to shut the car door before taking Angela's hand.

Jay, running up the path in front of us, is talking animatedly about the neighbor's cat or something. Angela is smiling up at me, and I'm remembering what it felt like the first time I walked this path and rang the doorbell. Just like a teenager, I feel my stomach knot and I start to sweat. I was looking forward to this dinner and seeing Patty, but this trip down memory lane is starting to get to me.

Angela, sensing my unease, pulls me to a stop and turns toward me. Leaning against me, she kisses me softly. "Jordan, relax. Why are you so nervous? We've done this many times before."

"I'm not nervous." Maybe just a little.

"Yes, you are. You've already talked to Dad, so this should be easy." Pulling me up the path, she walks up the steps and in the front door.

Even though I hadn't been in this house in over four and a half years, it still looked the same. The Chase house even smelled the same. It was like I'd walked into a different dimension or something. I didn't make it all the way into the house before Patty grabbed me in a hug.

Patty Chase had become like a mother to me over the years. Not having my own mother around, she kinda took me in. Angela doesn't know it, but Patty and I talk all the time. Through everything, she's been there for me.

"Jordan, honey, it's so good to see you. I'm glad you could come." Holding my hands in hers, she says, "It's been way too long."

"It's good to see you, too." She always makes me feel welcome. "I hope we're not late. Jay was playing with the neighbor's cat and we couldn't get him to change."

Moving toward the kitchen, Patty says, "Oh, no, you guys are right on time. Graham is pulling the roast out of the oven as we speak."

Angela and I follow behind. When we get to the kitchen Graham is holding a pan of dinner rolls in his hand, about to put them in the oven. Taking a seat at the table, Angela motions for me to do the same.

"Hey, guys. I'm glad you came. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." Graham turns back to the counter, stirring some kind of sauce.

All this seems so surreal. I can remember the first time I had dinner here, at this table. Everything happened much the same way, except I had just turned 18 and I was scared to death of Graham Chase. Afterward, Angela and I sneaked off down the street to the park to play on the swings. Maybe we should take Jay to do that.

Graham serves dinner and we all sit around talking. Patty and Graham ask questions about the tour and places I've been. Jay talks about school and his new video game. Angela and Patty talk about Sharon Cherski, now Krakow and how she and Brian just found out they were expecting again. Just a typical family dinner, right?

As Angela and her mom are cleaning the kitchen and Graham and Jay are taking out the trash, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. Heading up the stairs, I use the one that used to be Angela and Danielle's. After washing my hands and turning off the light, I start to head back downstairs. As I pass by Angela's old room, I stop. Something seems to draw me inside.

Her room looks exactly like it did when she lived at home, minus the clothes on the floor and the posters on the wall. My mind instantly takes me back to all the times Angela and I were in that bed together. That first time is never far from my thoughts.

Angela and I had been back together for a few weeks. We'd worked through the whole I think we should see other people thing because she had wanted to go out with that Bobby Mitchell kid. Apparently he liked her and hadn't pressured her to sleep with him like, according to her, I did without even meaning to. She acted like I could just turn off my attraction to her or something.

One Friday night, we'd went out to a movie, then to Big Guy Burger. It was close to midnight when we got back to her house. We'd sat out front in my car, making out like crazy for a long time. When she told me to walk her to the door, I did. All the lights were out, even the front porch light.

I was set to kiss her good night and get back in my car, when she opened the door and pulled me inside with her. She told me to wait in the den and she would be right back. The whole time I kept thinking to myself that Graham would kill me and I would never get to see her again if he found me downstairs at one o'clock in the morning. I wasn't even sure where she went.

When she returned, she grabbed me by the hand. Putting her finger over her lips, she told me that we had to be quiet. She started up the stairs, pulling me up behind her. I must have hesitated because she stopped and turned to me. I remember her whispering, asking me if I wanted to go. I shook my head. She continued up the stairs, me following behind.

She pushed her door open and waited for me to go inside before closing it behind us, locking it. I had been in her room before, but never this late and never with her door closed. It was a rule Graham had given us very early on. I knew that he would kill me if he ever found out I was in his house, in his 16 year old daughter's bedroom right then. He'd had that talk with me. You know, the "You're 18 and she's 16" talk. The talk that meant, you're too old to sleep with my daughter, so back off.

Not really knowing what to do, I just stood there. She started pulling my jacket off my shoulders. I remember asking her what she was doing. She just smiled at me and took my jacket off, then she took hers off and laid them both on the chair of her vanity. She pushed me down on her bed and then sat beside me.

I can picture it all, hear every word she said to me, every word I said to her. It was almost like I was reliving it.

"_Angela, what are you doing? Your dad is going to kill me." Angela put her arms around my neck and kissed me. At first, I hesitated. I wasn't sure what I really wanted to do. I mean, I know what I wanted to do to her, but I wasn't sure I wanted to do it just then, with her parents down the hall._

"_Jordan, what's wrong? I thought you wanted this?" Now unsure of herself, Angela removes her arms and starts toying with her skirt._

"_God, Angela, you don't know how much I do want this. It's just, your parents, they're like right down the hall." I reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I do want you. I've thought about nothing else for like over a year, but what if we get caught?"_

"_Jordan, my parents are sleeping. I told them good night. They won't come in here. We just have to be quiet." She was biting her lip, like she does when she gets nervous. It was like she expected me to change my mind or something._

"_Angela, are you sure? Because if you aren't sure, then we don't have to do this." Touching her face, I looked her right in the eye. "I promise if you change your mind, it won't change things between us. I'll still wait for you. Once we do it, we can't undo it."_

_She put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me back on the bed. Straddling my hips, she leaned down to kiss me. With her lips on mine, her tongue teasing me before slipping into my mouth, she was telling me that she was sure. _

_I pushed her up and helped her take her flannel shirt off, then her t shirt. I didn't want to rush her so I left her bra on. Pulling her back down to me, I kissed her softly on the forehead, then on the cheek, then I took her lips with mine. I wanted to take it slow. I knew that this first time would be uncomfortable for her, so I wanted to make sure she was relaxed and really ready._

_Flipping her over onto her back, I got up from the bed and removed her shoes and tights before unzipping her skirt and moving it down her legs. I quickly removed my clothes and then just stood there at the foot of the bed, taking her in. Looking down at her, laying there in her bra and panties waiting for me, I knew then that I had to tell her. I had to say those words to her that I'd been holding back._

_Crawling up to lay beside her, I gently took her face in my hands. "Angela, you're really sure?" When she nodded to me, I leaned down with my forehead against hers. "Red, I just wanted to tell you that, you know, this isn't the only reason I'm with you, or whatever." When it comes to my feelings, I'm an idiot. I can never just say it._

"_Jordan, I know." With her under me, my face that close to hers, I just had to tell her._

"_Angela, I love you." I closed my eyes. When I opened them, she was looking up at me with tears in her eyes._

"_I love you, too." She whispered._

_No longer able to hold back, I moved over her and settled my body against hers. The only thing between us was the thin cloth of our underwear. I knew she could feel how ready I was, but I wanted to make sure she enjoyed it, too._

_We'd made out many times over the last 16 months, but we'd never been together with our clothes off, never down to our underwear, even. I could sense that she was nervous, but she seemed to be handling well._

_As I kissed her, her hands were all over my back. Her hands, so small and so soft, were driving me crazy. I slid down her body a little, kissing down her neck and across her collarbone. I gently kissed the top of her left breast just above her bra. _

_Although I'd seen her breasts, I had never had my mouth on them. Just the thought had me reaching under her to unfasten her bra and slide it down her arms. When they were bare, right in front of my face, I just had to put my mouth on her. Taking her first one breast, then the other in my mouth, I had her moaning and moving under me. _

_Sliding down further, I started to plant kisses over her stomach. When I reached the top of her panties, I stopped and looked up at her. Her eyes were open, she was watching me, waiting for me to make the next move. Moving over beside her, I took her panties and slowly slid them down her legs, taking them off and throwing them on the floor. _

_I put my hand on her thigh and ran it slowly up her body, over her hip, across her stomach, taking her right breast in my hand. Leaning over, I ran my tongue up the side of her neck, tasting the saltiness of her skin. My hand, as if it had a mind of it's own, traveled back down over her stomach to that soft triangle of blonde hair between her legs. _

_At the touch of my hand, she let her legs fall open so that I could touch her, like really touch her there. With my mouth on her ear, I slid my fingers down into her wetness, slowly stoking her, playing with her opening. When she pushed against my hand, I pushed my finger into her, moving it back and forth. She was so tight. I was really scared that I would hurt her, but I could feel her wetness on my hand. I was past the point of stopping._

_Rolling over, I slid my boxers down my legs and threw them on the floor before I reached for my pants to get my wallet. Since I was 14, I'd always carried a condom with me, always safe. Putting it on, I moved up over Angela again, this time with nothing separating us._

"_Angela, I'm going to try my best to be gentle. You're going to have to let me know if I'm hurting you." I was so ready to be inside of her, but I held back, waiting for her._

"_Jordan, I know you wouldn't hurt me." Putting her hands on my face, she pulled me down, kissing me._

_Supporting my weight on my arms, I slowly pushed inside of her. Watching her face, I slid in a little bit at a time, waiting for her body to relax around me. She was so tight and so wet, I just wanted to thrust into her, but I didn't. I watched her face, I saw her frown, so I started to pull out. She put her arms around me and held me to her._

"_Jordan, please don't stop. It's a little uncomfortable, but I'll get used to it." She moved her hips slowly up toward mine._

_I pushed forward again, meeting the evidence that this was really her first time. I was terrified that I was hurting her, but she lifted her hips higher. Slowly pulling out, I thrust my hips forward, pushing through the last barrier, the final barrier that really made her mine. She winced with pain, so I stopped moving. "Babe, are you ok?"_

"_Oh my god, Jordan. You're so big. I feel like you're ripping me apart. Please move slowly." Biting her lip, she started moving her hips, I started moving mine, slowly stroking in and out of her._

_I leaned down, taking her lips with mine, kissing her softly as we moved together. Her arms tightly wrapped around me, she started moving her hips faster. I moved one hand down to squeeze her hip, slowing her. If she continued at that pace, I wouldn't have lasted very long at all. _

_Moving my head back, I watched her face. Her eyes were almost closed, her mouth, lips swollen and slightly parted. I listened to her rapid breathing. I felt her muscles tighten around me. I bent to take her nipple in my mouth, gently sucking. That's all it took for her to fall apart under me. She started moaning and I had to kiss her to keep her from crying out as her orgasm overtook her._

_After a moment, I could feel every muscle in her body relax under me. I started stroking in and out of her a little faster, a little deeper. Since I knew that I had pleasured her, I took my own pleasure. As I stroked in and out, I moved my tongue in her mouth licking at her tongue and her lips. I could feel my self losing it. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth and gently bit it as I came. _

_With her arms still around me, I collapsed on top of her._

I hear footsteps in the hallway, just outside the door, pulling me out of my memories. When I look up, Angela is standing in the doorway. "There you are. I wondered where you got off to." Walking up, she slips her arm around my waist. "What are you doing in here?"

I'm sure my face is a nice shade of red as I tell her, "Nothing. Just remembering." Kissing her on top of the head, I slip my arm around her shoulders.

Looking up at my face, then following me gaze to the bed, she chuckles. "I know what you're remembering. We had a lot of fun on that bed, didn't we?"

"We did. But I was remembering that first time. You know, when we did it while your parents were sleeping?" Now, watching her blush, I can't help but grin at her. "We've come a long way from those days, haven't we?"

"Yeah, but it's still just as hot, isn't it?" Hugging her to me, I can't help but agree.

"Angela, I do love you. All these years later, I love you just as much. I'm willing to wait on you as long as it takes." Wrapping both my arms around her, I hug her tight.

"I love you, too. I promise I won't make you wait forever. And it will all be worth it in the end, don't you think?" She hugs me back.

"Definitely." Releasing her, I take her hand and pull her out of the room with me. "Let's walk to the park. I need to work off that dinner and I want to push my son on the swings."

We say our goodbyes to Patty and Graham before heading off down the sidewalk. Holding hands, Jay running ahead of us, we walk to the park as a family.

**It was worth the wait, wasn't it? Did you like it? Let me know...review! I hope you all have a safe Memorial Day Weekend. ~gagirl29**


	10. Old friends

**Old friends**

**I own nothing...**

Meeting the fans, interacting with them, has always been one of the things I enjoy the most. I enjoy seeing them, talking to them, taking photos with them. I love hearing how our music has affected them in one way or another. I really like doing this, just not on my personal time. That's why we started doing meet and greets before our shows.

When we have a meet and greet, we let the fans come back stage and spend some time with us. Just us and them. We talk to them, we give them autographs, and we take pictures with them. I look forward to this, usually. Today, however, has been a little difficult.

I'm not having any fun. I'm just ready for it to be over and we still have a while to go. The lines are long and I find myself being short with fans. I can't concentrate, and I've been snapping at both Shane and Tommy. Why? Because Angela is sitting over in the corner with Janet, our assistant, watching every single thing I do.

I find myself watching what I say, what I do, how I act. I don't want to be too flirtatious. I don't want to be too friendly. I don't stand too close in any of the photos. I'm not being myself and it pisses me off. And I don't want to give her any reason to get mad at me.

It's my fault, too. I invited her to sit in with us. It was my idea. She wanted to go to the aquarium with Danielle and Jay, but I asked her to come with me because I didn't want to be away from her.

We hadn't seen each other in almost three weeks, so I had her and Jay come to Atlanta to spend the weekend with me. Danielle had decided to tag along. They'd flown in last night and went straight to the hotel from the airport.

We played in Charlotte yesterday, and we slept on the bus while it moved to Atlanta. When we got here, I went to the hotel to meet them. We spent the morning together. We had breakfast, then we went to the Atlanta Zoo to see the pandas that everyone was talking about. Jay really liked that. Then we went back to the hotel to just hang out for a while. I had to be at Phillips Arena at 4 o'clock, so I asked her to come with me. Dani took Jay to the Georgia Aquarium, and she's going to come back here for our 8 o'clock show.

Looking down at my phone, I see that we still have over an hour before we can leave to go to sound check. I put a fake smile on my face and look up at the next person in line, she's like the majority of the fans that come to meet us. She's in her early twenties and she's pretty enough, with her blonde hair and her blue eyes. She has a nice, curvy figure, too. And I like what she's done with one of our Tour shirts, with the sleeves cut off and cinched at the back, showing off the Residue tattoo on her hip just about the waist band of her low cut jeans.

I give her a more genuine smile, compliment her on her tattoo and sign the front of her shirt, just above her left breast. She asks for a hug, so I lean in and give her one, keeping my hands high on her back. I watch as she moves over to talk to Shane and Tommy. Glancing over at Angela, I see that she's busy on her blackberry and not even paying attention to me. Maybe I should just relax and enjoy myself.

A few more fans move through the line, laughing and joking with us. As the line for autographs dwindles down, the last few people standing in front of us, I hear someone call my name. Looking up, I see the familiar face of Cynthia Hargrove looking back at me. She still looks the same, maybe a little leaner, wearing a tight top and short skirt, just like in high school.

"Hey, Catalano. Long time, no see." She leans in for a hug.

"Hey, Cyn. What you been up to? I haven't seen you since I left Three Rivers." I like Cynthia. She'd been a good friend to me. I slept with her on and off for a while, but we never had anything serious. And it was way before me and Angela got together.

"I live in Atlanta now. I moved here a few years ago with my ex husband. After our divorce, I decided to stay." Realizing that my hand is still on her arm, I drop it to my side. I glance over at Angela, seeing that her head is still down.

Cynthia stands there chatting with me for a little while. I hear her say something else, but before I can answer her, my phone vibrates on the table beside me. Looking down, I see that Angela, who is sitting across the room, has sent me a text.

"_Is that CYNTHIA HARGROVE?" _Rolling my eyes, I ask Cynthia to excuse me for a minute. I text her back. "_Yeah, so?" _Looking back to her, I see her look up at me then back down to her blackberry, typing away. "_So, you have other fans waiting. Wrap it up."_

Chuckling, I move back over to Cynthia. "Sorry about that, Cyn. Just something I needed to take care of." Reaching up, I touch her on the arm again. "It was nice seeing you. Hang around for a bit and I'll have them sit you on the side stage, if you want." I don't know why I did that. I know Angela is going to bitch about it later.

"Yeah, that would be great Jordan. My friend Amy is with me, is that ok?" She smiles at me and motions over to her friend.

Glancing back at Angela, then to Cynthia, I say, "No problem. Let me finish up here and I'll talk to the stage manager." Pointing to Angela I say. "You remember Angela, don't you?"

Cynthia looks over to her, frowning ever so slightly, before hiding it. "I remember her. I thought you guys were divorced."

"Yeah, well, we're back together now. She and Jay, our son, are here for the show tonight. I'm going to have them sit you with her. Why don't you go over and say hi." Watching what looks like disappointment cross her face, I move over to the next person in line. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her walk up to Angela, her friend in tow.

Angela stands, giving me a dirty look before greeting Cynthia. They stand talking while we finish up. We don't stop until the last person has an autograph. Making our way over to the line for pictures, Shane says. "Jay, is that Cynthia Hargrove?"

Laughing, I say, "Yep, that's Cynthia." And Angela isn't liking it one bit.

"Dude, why did you send her over to Angela? You do know that she's going to kill you, right? See how she keeps looking at you?" Yeah, I see it. But she shouldn't have said anything in the first place. I'd been on my best behavior before that.

"Whatever. I was being good. She sent me a text message while I was talking to Cyn. She told me to 'wrap it up', so I asked Cyn to hang around and I sent her over to say hi." I haven't seen that girl in years. Why would that bother her?

After we pose for pictures with everyone in line and the room is clear, I head over to Angela, Cynthia and her friend. Slipping an arm around Angela's waist, I give her a squeeze. The look she's giving me would have normally scared the shit out of me, but I know she won't stay mad for long.

"So, Jordan, Cynthia says she and Amy will be sitting with us on the side stage." Biting her lip, she looks up at me and waits for my reply.

"Yeah, It wouldn't be right to make her sit out there, you know. She's a friend and we take care of our friends." I can feel her tense up. Smiling at Cynthia, I say, "It's been a long time. Maybe you guys can hang around for a little while after the show so we can catch up."

"We can stick around. Can't we, Amy?" Cynthia says as Shane and Tommy walk up.

While Cynthia is greeting the guys and introducing Amy, Angela is pulling me aside. "Jordan, what the hell? Do you think I want to hang out with one of your ex girlfriends all night?"

Yeah, I knew this was coming. "She's not one of my ex girlfriends. She was just a friend and what's it going to hurt for her to sit with you? I haven't seen her since high school. Do you want me to be rude to her?"

"Yeah, she wasn't your girlfriend, just your fu..." I pull her to me and kiss her so that she doesn't finish the sentence. For several seconds, I hold her against me, moving my tongue against hers. Remembering that there are others in the room, I let her go.

When I pull back she slugs me in the chest. "God, I hate when you do that." Tucking her hair behind her ear, she rolls her eyes. "Ok, I'll suffer through it, but you owe me for this."

Grinning down at her, I say, "Yeah, and I'll pay up later." With my arm around her shoulder, we move back to stand with the others. After talking for several more minutes, Janet comes in to tell us they're ready for us on stage. Kissing her cheek, I whisper to her. "I gotta get to sound check. Just be nice to her, ok?"

Leaving her with Cynthia and Amy, we head out the door.

* * *

><p>As we make our way backstage after the show, I'm not sure what to expect when I get to the dressing room. I mean, I never expected Angela to become buddies with Cynthia, but I didn't expect the two of them to be openly hostile to each other either.<p>

At one point during the show, I looked over and Angela was sitting beside Cynthia. A little while later, I looked over and she was standing against the wall, looking at Cynthia like she wanted to kill her. Cynthia had her arms crossed and her friend Amy was saying something to her. Jay and Danielle looked like they were having a good time, oblivious to the tension between the two women.

When we walk into the dressing room, Angela is sitting on the counter in front of the mirror and Cynthia and Amy are sitting on the sofa together. Danielle and Jay are no where in sight. No one is saying anything, but everyone is frowning.

Walking up to Angela, I say, "What's wrong, Red?" Leaning against the counter beside her, I look over at the other two women. I know this isn't going to be good.

"Why don't you ask her what's wrong? She's _your _guest, so she should tell you what she said to me, in front of your 8 year old son, no less." Her voice gets louder as she goes. Oh, shit.

Laying my hand on her leg, I give it a squeeze. "Hey, calm down."

Shane, who had walked over to sit at the table says, "What'd you say, Cyn?"

Looking a little sheepish, she glances over to Angela and says, "I wasn't thinking about your kid, ok? I'm sorry. You just pissed me off."

Angela smirks, "Yeah, well same here. You still crossed the line."

This is just great. Shane says, "Will one of you please just tell me what was said? I think we all get that you're pissed off at each other."

Sighing in frustration, Angela jumps down off the counter. "You know what, forget it. She's not worth it. I'm going back to the hotel and forget I ever had to spend any time with her."

As she starts to walk by me, I take her hand and pull her to a stop. "Don't leave. Let's talk about it. I don't want it to ruin our night."

"Look, Angela, I'm sorry. What I said was uncalled for. We're just going to get out of here. Thanks for upgrading us, Jordan." Cynthia gets up and heads to the door, Amy following behind.

After they leave, Shane and Tommy look at each other and start laughing. Tommy shakes his head. Walking over to Angela, he bends to kiss her on the cheek. "Hey, Angela. It's good to see you." Turning to Jordan, he says, "I'll see you in the morning, bro." He walks out the door.

Shane doesn't budge. "Tell us what she said, Angela."

"I heard her telling her friend about all the trips to the boiler room with Jordan. I tried to ignore her, but she was telling her, in vivid detail, about a trip with him to a certain house on Cloverdale. You know, _the _house. When I told her to shut the fuck up, she laughed at me and mentioned the time I went to that god damn house." Angela turns to look at me. "She asked me if you were as good as you used to be. I may have called her a slut or something like that." Wow.

Shane, now laughing, says, "Come on, Angela. You know she was just pushing your buttons. Don't let that shit get to you."

"Well, having her tell me that Jordan was the 'best fuck she'd ever had' in front of my 8 year old wasn't cool." Oh, really? She said that? Oh, yeah, she said that in front of Jay.

"Babe, let it go. It's not worth wasting your time over. She's gone and you probably won't ever see her again. What did Jay say? Did he even understand what she said?" I'm trying not to laugh, but it's really hard. And Shane isn't helping with his perpetual smirk.

"God, Jordan. That is so not the point. No, I don't think he did understand what she said, but just the fact that she said it should be enough." Rolling her eyes, she says to me, "Thank you for inviting her to sit with me. I really, really enjoyed it."

Wrapping my arms around her, still trying not to laugh, I press my lips to hers. "I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me. I didn't know she was going to do something like that."

"I'm not mad at you. She just pissed me off, ok? And I didn't need to know that you took her to that fucking house after what I did. That made me feel real good." Leaning her head against my chin, she says, "I know it was a long time ago. I'm not even mad about it. I just didn't want to hear your _friend _saying shit like that."

Shane, walking over to us, says, "I'm heading back to the bus. It's been real fun, Angela. Later, Jay." as he's walking out the door.

"Let's go. I need a shower and I want to see Jay before he goes to bed. Then I'll make you forget all about the stupid shit I did as a teenager." Taking her by the hand, we walk out the door, leaving Cynthia Hargrove behind.

**Don't forget to review...I know this isn't the best chapter. I blame it on this stupid summer cold that's taken hold of me...Thanks for continuing to read! ~gagirl29**


	11. Be Patient

**Be patient**

**I own nothing...I'll probably be alternating between the two stories for a while. Since I usually update everyday, you won't have to wait too long for either of them. :) Remember to review...**

They always say "Patience is a virtue." They say "Good things come to those who wait." Well, I've never been good at waiting. And I'm a very impatient person. That probably comes from me getting my way most of the time.

But I am waiting. And I'm trying to be patient. Because Angela is worth it. I'm waiting for her to tell me she's ready for more. I'm waiting for her to tell me I can come home. All she has to do is say the words.

We've been back together for four months now. Things have been great. We've been spending a lot of time together. I go to stay with her and Jay in Three Rivers during the first part of the week and when we're playing close to Pennsylvania they come to be with me.

I'm happier than I've been in a really long time. I love my family and I love being with them. I don't feel so empty anymore. It's like I'm whole again, or something.

I've been walking around for weeks with a ring in my pocket. Not the ring I gave her the first time, with the huge 3 carat square diamond, but a new one. I made her keep the other one. I told her that I didn't care what she did with it. I know she didn't get rid of it, though. I saw it laying on top of her dresser a few weeks ago. She doesn't know I saw it.

This ring, the new one, is simple. Nothing flashy, just a simple band with small diamonds all the way around it. The lady at the jewelry store told me it was called an infinity band. I think she said it was called that because it means forever. This time, it will be forever.

So here I am, early on a Wednesday morning in late June, watching Angela sleep. I'm debating with myself on whether I should just wake her up and ask her to marry me again. I've been thinking about nothing else but this for days. I want to just go for it, just do it.

But I can't. I can't because I'm scared to death she'll tell me no. So, I'll wait. I'll wait for her to say, "Jordan, you can come home," or "Jordan, I'm ready." Whatever it is, she has to be the one to say it. I told her we'd take it slow, so now I have to be patient.

Sighing, I slide back down in the bed beside her. She doesn't know it, but I hardly ever sleep. I guess life on the road has done that to me. I try to sleep, but my body just won't let me. I mean, I do sleep, just not a lot. So when I'm with her, I spend a lot of time just watching her. If she knew, she wouldn't like it. She told me once that it creeps her out for someone to stare at her.

She turns over on her side facing me. Her hair is laying across her face and I can't help but brush it back. When my hand touches her, she slowly opens her eyes and gives me a sleepy smile. That smile that makes me want to be with her like this every morning. The one that makes me never want to leave.

"Hey," she says, in the husky early morning voice.

"Hey. I didn't mean to wake you. You still have a while before Jay gets up." She's so fucking beautiful. She literally steals my breath.

"You can't sleep, can you?" She sleepily rubs her eyes and yawns. "Were you watching me sleep again?"

Instead of answering, I lean over and softly kiss her lips. "Go back to sleep."

She rolls toward the edge of the bed and sits up. Reaching for her shirt, my shirt, she pulls it over her head and gets up. "I'm going to get some water, want something?"

Watching her walk to the bedroom door, I say, "No, just hurry back."

She gives me a smile before heading down the hall. Propping myself up on the pillows, I wait for her to get back. When she walks back in, she climbs over the covers to sit beside me. "Why haven't you been sleeping?"

Taking her hand in mine, I say to her, "I don't know. I haven't slept much lately. I guess my mind won't go to sleep or something." It's really not a big deal.

"Jordan, you have to sleep." I wish it were that easy.

"I do sleep, just not long." If she only knew what was keeping me up.

Snuggling into my side, she lays her head against my shoulder. I slip my arm around her and hold her close. For a few minutes, neither of us say anything. Just when I think she may have dozed off, she says, "I was thinking. What if you just moved the rest of your things here? You know, all the stuff you have in the apartment? I just think it would be easier on you."

She doesn't lift her head, she just stays pressed against me. "You mean like come home? Like move back in with you?"

"Well, yeah. You're here all the time now, anyway. We could make it official or whatever." Wait, make it official? What does she mean?

"What do you mean, make it official? Like tell everyone I'm living here? I think they pretty much know that. Or do you mean, we can get married?" Just stay calm, Jordan.

"What? No, I don't mean get married again. We're not ready for that." I shifted my body away from her just a little. She must have felt me tense up because she says, "What, you want to get married? Jordan, we just got back together. Things are going good. Why mess that up?"

God damn it. "How would that be messing things up? I want to be with you. With you and no one else. I thought that's what you wanted, too."

"That is what I want, but I still don't think we need to rush to get married again." I'm glad I didn't pull out the ring.

"Yeah, because I'm such a fuck up. You're waiting for me to screw up again. That's why you don't want to marry me, isn't it?" Moving away from her, I sit on the side of the bed with my back to her.

"Jordan, that's not what I meant. Don't do this. Why are we even talking about marriage? I just asked you to move back in with us. I thought you'd be happy." Yeah, me, too.

"I can live with you, but we can't get married? I thought that's what _you_ would want." Shoving my hands through my hair, I look around on the floor for my boxers. When I find them, I bend to pick them up, pulling them on. Grabbing my jeans, I shove my legs into them. Snatching a shirt from the closet, I pull it over my head.

Angela watches as I pull my sneakers on. As I'm heading for the door, she says, "Where are you going?"

"Out. Go back to sleep." I get to the garage before she catches up to me.

"Come on, Jordan. It's barely daylight. Please don't leave." With her hand on my arm, she says, "Why are you even mad?"

"I'm not mad." With my arms crossed and my jaw locked, I look at her. "I'll be back in a little while. I'm just going to take a drive. I'll bring breakfast back." Turning from her, I grab the keys to Red from the hook by the door and walk out.

After driving around for a few hours, I find myself sitting in front of the loft where we used to practice. I'm sitting here, and I don't know why I'm even pissed off. I just am. I mean, I was just laying there thinking about how much I wanted her to say those words and she did. Shouldn't I be happy?

I guess I was a little disappointed at the thought that she doesn't want to marry me. What, I'm good enough to sleep with, to live with, but she doesn't want to marry me? Our marriage wasn't that bad, was it? I mean, we did get back together. Things have been good lately, too. Aside from that Cynthia Hargove stunt I pulled a few weeks ago, I've bent over backward to make sure she was happy.

I just don't understand. I guess I should just be happy with whatever she's willing to give me. I do love her, and I will be with her, however she wants me. If I have to wait, I'll wait. Nothing's changed.

Starting the car, I back out and head toward the nearest McDonald's. I order Jay pancakes and orange juice, and I order sausage McMuffins and coffee for me and Angela before heading home.

I pull Red into the garage and head into the house. Angela is sitting on the sofa, fully dressed, with her arms crossed when I walk in. "Is Jay still sleeping? I got him pancakes."

"Yep, he's still sleeping. I'll get him up in a minute. First, you need to tell me what that was all about. Why did you run out like that?" Just tell her.

"I needed to think. So I went for a drive." Placing the McDonald's bag and tray with drinks on the coffee table, I sit down in the recliner facing her.

"It was more than that. I thought I was giving you what you wanted. What happened?" Why _do_ I run away like that?

Not really knowing what to say, I just sit there staring at her for a minute. What should I say? I've had this ring for weeks, just waiting on you to give me a sign? Or, I want to marry you and be with you forever. Or maybe, you said "official" and I thought you were saying what I wanted to hear.

Taking the ring box from my pocket, I get up and hand it to her before sitting back in my seat. Biting on my thumb, I watch as she looks at the box, then up at me.

"Oh my god. Jordan?" There, I didn't have to say anything. That says it all.

"What?" I know I shouldn't be mad anymore, but it still stings a little. It's different. This time, it's me putting it all out there. She's the one calling the shots and I'm not liking it very much.

"How long have you had this?" She gets up and comes over to me, climbing in my lap.

"I dunno," I mumble. This is hard enough already.

When I look away, she takes my chin in her hand turning my face back to hers. "Yes, you do. How long have you had this?"

"A couple weeks, I guess." I try to turn my face away again, but she won't let me. I'm just ready for this conversation to be over. This is a little embarrassing.

"So you've had this," she holds the box up, "for a couple of weeks? And when I asked if you wanted to "make it official" you thought I was talking about getting married. And that's why you got up and ran out at the crack of dawn."

I shrug my shoulders. How the hell does she know me so well? See, we belong together.

"Jordan, I wasn't saying that we'll never get remarried. I just meant that I didn't want to run out tomorrow and get married. We have time. You still have a few more months left on the tour. When we do plan our wedding, I don't want it to be rushed." Leaning her forehead against mine, she sighs. "We don't ever seem to be on the same page, do we?"

Wrapping my arms around her waist, I close my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I say, "It's ok. You want to wait, we'll wait. I told you, I will do whatever you want me to do. I just want to be with you." Squeezing her to me, I kiss her cheek.

Pulling back, she looks at me. "Jordan, ask me."

What? "Ask you what?" She takes my hand and puts the box in it, the box she has yet to open.

"Ask. Me." She looks at me expectantly.

"Babe, we don't have to do this. Don't feel bad because you didn't act how I wanted you to." Gripping the box in my hand, I'm sorry I even got it out. I don't want her to feel like she's got to say yes, or something. "It's ok."

"Jordan, stop pouting and ask me." God, she's so freakin' pushy sometimes.

"Maybe I don't want to. Let's just wait until you're ready." There.

"Stop it. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to. I thought you thought I was pushing you to marry me again." Putting her hands on either side of my face, she kisses me. Against my lips, she whispers, "Ask me."

I don't want it to be this way. I want to know that she will say yes because she wants it as much as I do. I don't want her to say it unless she means it. Looking into her eyes, I start to believe that maybe she really does want this. Maybe she isn't just doing this because I stormed out. Maybe this will work.

"Get up." I nudge her up from my lap.

"What?" She looks baffled.

When she's standing in front of me, I get up and push her down into the chair. Kneeling at her feet, I take her left hand in mine. Opening the box, I hold it up to her. "Angela, I love you. I've always, always loved you. I've known that I was madly, hopelessly in love with you since that day in the hallway when you yelled at me because I said I wanted to get kicked out of school. No one has ever cared about me the way that you do."

Taking a deep breath, trying to hide my nervousness, I continue, "I want to be with you. I want to spend the rest of my life telling you how much you mean to me. Angela, will you please marry me? Again. Forever this time?"

Now holding my breath, I wait for her to tell me, to give me that one word that makes all the difference.

With tears in her eyes and a smile on her face, she says, "Yes. Yes, Jordan, I'll marry you again. Forever this time."

Taking the ring from the box, I slide it on her finger before pulling her to the floor with me. Wrapping her in my arms, I kiss the tears from her face. "I love you, Red. I promise you won't regret it. I promise to spend the rest of my life making you happy."

We sit on the floor, holding each other for a while. When we hear a door open down the hall, we pull apart. Jay walks into the room scratching his head. "What are you doing on the floor?"

Giggling like a little kid, Angela gets up pulling me up behind her. She holds out her hand to Jay so he can see her ring. "Look what your dad gave me, Jay."

"Cool, he gave you a ring. Does that mean he's coming home?" That's my boy.

Ruffling his hair, I say, "Yeah, I'm coming home. But it also means your mom and I are gonna get married again. Is that ok with you?"

"Uh, yeah. Are you kidding? It's fun having a famous dad who travels the world, but I'd rather have you here." He spots the McDonald's bag on the table. "Is that breakfast? I'm starving."

Jay grabs the bag up and starts emptying it on the table. He doesn't seem to mind that his pancakes are cold, he pours syrup on them and starts to eat. Me and Angela sit on either side of him, eating our sandwiches and drinking our warm coffee.

Jay drinks the last of his orange juice and turns to me. "Dad, when you guys get married, do I have to be the ring bearer or whatever it's called?"

"Well, Jay, your mom and I haven't really talked about it, but I was kinda hoping you could stand up with me. Be my best man, you know?" I'm sure Shane and Tommy wouldn't mind.

"Yeah, I think that would be cool." Collecting our trash, Jay heads to the kitchen and throws it out. He's such a good kid. Coming back in the room, he sits between me and Angela again. He has a huge smile on his face. "Dad, I'm glad you and mom are getting married again."

You and me both, kid. Hugging him to me, sharing a smile with Angela over his head, I can't help but think how blessed I am.

**Awww...A little Jordan and Angela mush is good for my soul! ;) I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to my faithfuls. I love you guys! Thanks to the new peeps who have started to review, as well. It makes me happy. ~gagirl29**


	12. Out in the open

**Out in the open**

**I own nothing...**

Being in the spotlight doesn't bother me. I like being the center of attention. I like having everyone watch me. With what I do, that's a good thing.

I know that every time I go out all eyes are on me. The Paparazzi seek us out, hoping to snap a picture. They try to catch us in a compromising position, doing something we shouldn't. They follow us, they wait for us. For someone who isn't used to it, it can be unnerving.

I've always tried to shield Angela and Jay from the media. I never wanted their lives to be under a microscope like mine is. I mean, when we were married before, it wasn't a secret. I just didn't talk about it much in interviews and stuff. It was personal. Even through our divorce, I kept quiet about it.

Now that we're back together, like really together, I don't want the media attacking her. Because, honestly, I've been known for flaunting myself in front of the camera. I haven't been very discreet with my women _friends _when it comes to the photogs. But I don't want that for Angela. That's too personal, too private.

That's why I thought this was a bad idea. Well, that, and the fact that I would rather be doing anything but this. I want to spend time with her, without Jay, so that's why I agreed. Here we are, _shopping_ in New York City. We've been going from store to store for the last few hours. And I didn't bring my hat or my sunglasses, so it's easy for everyone to recognize me.

We haven't bought much, just a few things. She bought some shoes, a book for Danielle, a scarf for her mom. She got her dad a cookbook. We bought Jay a new video game. I bought a hat and some new sunglasses, both to add to my arsenal of disguises.

We had stopped at the coffee shop on the corner when I noticed the first photographer. After we got our coffee and made our way back onto the sidewalk, the guy started snapping pictures. Pretending not to notice him, I take Angela's hand and continue walking. After we had walked a few blocks, I noticed another guy snapping pictures.

"Hey, Angela, lets head back. These guys have noticed us and they're starting to take pictures." I don't mind it, I just don't want them to start bothering her.

"Oh, it's ok. They aren't bothering me. We don't have to go back unless you want to." She smiles up at me. I love that smile.

Unable to resist, I bend to kiss her. "No, we're doing whatever you want today."

We continue on, browsing from shop to shop. Holding hands, we just enjoy being together.

Later that afternoon, back at the apartment, Angela is helping me to pack up what little stuff I have. We plan to head back to Three Rivers in the morning. She drove her new car, the car I insisted on buying her, to New York so we could take all my stuff back with us.

We had packed up everything from my bathroom. We'd boxed what few books and cds I had and my guitar was in its case. The framed pictures of Angela and Jay that had been hanging on my wall were in another box, as well as the stuff from my nightstand. As I was removing clothes from the hangers, she was folding them into my suitcase. Jay was sitting on the bed, eating oreos and watching TV.

Shane popped his head in the door to remind me that we had to leave in a few minutes. "Hey, the car is here. We need to leave soon."

I almost forgot that we were supposed to do an interview for MTV2 at their studios. Handing Angela the shirt in my hand, I head into the bathroom to wash my face and hands and brush my teeth. When I walk back into the room, Angela has finished with the clothes and it sitting on the bed with Jay.

"Hey, Dad. You're gonna be on TV?" Jay asks before he shoves another cookie in his mouth.

"Yeah, we're gonna be on MTV2. It's just an interview. They'll play our new video after." We were proud of the new video. We shot Closer to the Edge while we were on tour and our fans played a big part of it.

"I won't be gone long. We should be on in an hour." Leaning over Angela, I press my lips to hers. Ruffling Jay's hair, I say, "I'll be back in a couple hours."

Grabbing my phone from the table I stick it in my pocket and head out. The car ride over is short, it takes us less than 5 minutes to get there. As we get out, I notice that there are quite a few fans gathered on the street outside. We all take a few minutes to talk to them and sign a few autographs before heading up to the studio. They sit us in the green room to wait until it's time for the interview.

As we're sitting here waiting, Tommy says, "Hey, Catalano, I see you gave Angela the ring."

Hearing this, Shane jerks his head around to look at me. "What ring? What's he talking about?"

"Yeah, I asked Angela to marry me again. I bought her a ring a few weeks ago and I asked her Wednesday morning before I flew back." I don't know why I haven't said anything. Probably because I didn't want to hear Shane's mouth.

"Dude, so much for taking it slow. So, what? You're gonna run off and get married? Why couldn't you have just moved back in with her?" Here we go. Shane scowls at me, shaking his head.

"We're gonna wait until after the tour is over. We have less than 4 more months to go. We're due a break anyway." Closing my eyes, I lean my head back on the seat.

"Were you going to tell us?" Shane, being my best friend, thinks I should tell him every time I sneeze or something.

"I wasn't keeping it from you, if that's what you mean. It just never came up. Now you know." Pulling out my phone, I turn away from Shane, ending the discussion.

Shane starts talking to Tommy and I tune them out while I check my messages. I return a few emails and then decide to kill some time on Twitter. As soon as I log on, I notice that my timeline is full of questions about the woman I was seen with in New York.

"_jordancatalano Who is she, I've never seen her before?"_

"_Who is this blonde woman with jordancatalano? Anyone know?"_

"_Must be serious... jordancatalano is holding her hand and her bags."_

"_Lucky girl. I wish jordancatalano would kiss me like that."_

"_Is this jordancatalano's latest squeeze? Wonder how long until he moves on..."_

"_Is that a RING on her left hand? Is jordancatalano engaged?"_

"_She looks familiar...wonder where jordancatalano met her."_

"_Hey, jordancatalano...who is she. Is it serious?"_

"_Wasn't jordancatalano married before? Is that his ex?"_

I guess the pictures are already circulating on the internet. It doesn't take long, not with digital cameras and social media. Hell, I've taken pictures with fans before, walked to the car, got in and pulled out my blackberry to see that they've already tweeted it. It doesn't surprise me that they're out there. It doesn't surprise me that the fans have questions about it, either.

Smiling to myself, I text Angela. "_Get the laptop and check my twitter feed. The fans have so many questions about my __**new**__ lady love. Gotta go... ILY. ~J"_

I stick my phone back in my pocket just as they're coming in to tell us it's time. We follow Janet out to the studio and take our seats. Taking my mic, I sit between Shane and Tommy. When they come back from commercial, they play a few lines of Closer to the Edge.

The VJ welcomes the TV audience back and then turns to us. "Today our special guests are the guys from Residue. Welcome Jordan Catalano, Shane Jones and Tommy Miller." The studio audience cheers and claps.

"Tell us what you've been up to since the last time you were here." He looks at me to answer.

"We've just been busy touring around the country. We've played over 150 shows in the last 8 and half months. It's nice being able to get out and meet so many of our fans." Wetting my lips, I continue, "Every city, every venue is different. We've played to a crowd of over 20,000 and we've also played to a crowd of just 100 people."

"So, you guys have been on tour for a while now. You're done with your West coast tour and now you're touring up and down the East coast. Where's your next show?" He looks to Shane.

Shane, holding his mic in front of his face, says, "We're headed to Florida for the next couple of days. We play Jacksonville on Thursday, Tampa on Friday, then back to Orlando for two shows, one on Saturday night and one on Sunday afternoon. We've been staying busy."

"What's one of your favorite places that you've played so far?" The VJ looks to Tommy.

"Well, for me, it was definitely playing in DC. That's really close to where we grew up and a lot of our friends and family got to come out. We've got a stretch coming up where we play Philadelphia, Harrisburg and Pittsburgh all in the same week. Since we're all from Pennsylvania, we're excited to be going home for a little while." Tommy looks over to me and gives me a small smile.

"Yeah, no matter where we go, Pennsylvania will always be home." Shane agrees.

"Ok, guys. Let's get to the reason you're really here. Your latest album, A Time to Fight, has been on the charts for 36 weeks. Staying at the top for 9 of those weeks. Your latest single, Closer to the Edge debuted at number 3 this week. Tell us about making this video." The VJ leaves it open for any of us to answer.

Shane says, "Our fans mean so much to us. We wanted to find a way to say thank you to them for all their support. We wouldn't be where we were today without them."

Tommy says, "We shot this one during our shows. Jordan would pull out his camera while he was singing and film the fans. We had stage hands film us while we played. We wanted an informal feel to it."

"We had a lot of fans participate, too. We let them tell us what our music and music in general meant to them. We wanted them to be very much a part of it. This video is a tribute to them." We did have a lot of fun making it.

"Ok, folks, you heard it straight from them. Here it is. This is Residue, Closer to the Edge." As they go to the video, we start to get up. The VJ stops us. "Hey, why don't you guys stick around for a few questions from the fans? If you aren't in a hurry."

Looking around at the guys, they shrug. I hadn't planned on answering any questions, but what can it hurt. It's only a few minutes. We return to our seats and wait for the video to wrap up.

When they feed comes back to us, the VJ says, "We're here with the guys from Residue. You just saw their video, Closer to the Edge. I have to say, it's a pretty powerful video. You guys did a great job."

"Thanks. We love what we do and we appreciate our fans. It's just a way of kinda giving back to them I guess." I give a small shrug. "Like Shane said earlier, they mean a lot to us."

"Since you guys have been so kind to stick around, we're going to let you answer some fan questions. The audience has a mic, they'll pass it around. Ok, ask away." The VJ sits back in his seat, looking toward the audience.

"Hi, I'm Tabitha. I've listened to your music from the beginning. I can't pick a favorite. What's yours?" Tommy and I let Shane answer this one.

Shane says, "We don't really have a favorite. Jordan writes all of our stuff, so all of it's his favorite. Tommy and I have a lot of fun playing it all. I like the faster songs myself. I think if I had to pick, it would be Battle of One." He looks over to us and we both agree.

The mic is passed to a guy a few seats over. "Hi, guys. My name is Josh. I was wondering, do you enjoy traveling on the tour bus? Do you get tired of being so close to each other all the time?"

"Being on the bus isn't so bad. It's almost like an apartment with wheels. We each have a sleeping bunk, about this size of a twin bed. There's a kitchen and a living area. We have a bathroom and there's even an office area. We're like brothers, and we're best friends so it doesn't bother us. Besides, when we aren't on the bus, we share an apartment anyway." Tommy answers for all of us.

The next question comes from a teenage girl. "Hi, I'm Becky. Are any of you single?" This draws a few laughs from the audience.

Laughing, I say, "Yeah, that comes up a lot. Well, Shane and Tommy here are both single, but I'm not."

The VJ says, "Ok, we have time for one more question before we have to go."

A woman who looks to be in her early 20's stands up with the mic. "Hi, My name is Julie. Jordan, will you tell us who the woman was that you were out with this morning? Is that your new girlfriend?"

I kinda figured this would come up. Shifting in my seat, I can't stop the grin from spreading across my face. Before I can say anything, Shane speaks up. "That's Angela Chase. She was Jordan's high school sweetheart. They were just hanging out."

Giving him an odd look, I say, "Yes, that was Angela. She isn't just my high school sweetheart, she's my fiance. And her name is Angela Catalano, not Chase. She and I were married before. We have an 8 year old son whose name is Jay. We started dating again a few months ago. I asked her to marry me again and she said yes."

Putting his hand on my shoulder, Tommy says, "They've been in love since we were kids. I always knew they'd get back together."

The VJ says, "So, there's going to be a wedding in the near future?"

"Yes, after the tour is over." A little pissed at Shane, I smile and say, "Right now, the band and the tour are my main focus. Angela and I don't want to rush anything, so we're going to wait."

"Well, Congratulations, Jordan. Thanks for coming out, you guys." Turning to the camera, the VJ says, "Folks, that's all the time we have for today. You can catch Residue's video Closer to the Edge on MTV and MTV2. And look for these guys to be playing a town near you very soon."

Once the cameras are off, I lay my mic down and walk off the set, leaving Shane and Tommy behind. I seriously can't understand why Shane said what he did. Does he not want anyone to know about me and Angela? Did he want me to keep it a secret? It's really none of his business.

As I walk down the hall toward the exit door, Shane catches up to me. "Jordan, I wasn't trying to downplay your relationship with Angela. I just thought maybe you didn't want to put it all out there. You know, in case something happens."

Stopping, I turn to him. "What do you think is gonna happen, Shane? Do you think we're gonna split up again? Do you think we're not serious about this? I don't care if everyone knows that we're back together. I never put it out there before because I was trying to protect her and Jay."

Shaking my head, I turn and walk out the door and climb into the car waiting for us at the curb. Tommy, who had been right behind us, climbs in beside me. Shane gets in and sits across from me.

"Jay, I just don't want to see you hurt again. Why couldn't you wait to tell everyone? Now all anyone is going to talk about is you and Angela." Crossing his arms over his chest, Shane looks like he's pouting.

"Seriously? Shane, it's none of your business. It's no secret that you've never liked her, but I would appreciate it if you just accept it. It's my life. And anyway, I already told you and I just said it in front of the whole world, this band and the tour have my full attention. That doesn't mean that I have to stop living my life because of it." Returning his stare, I bite my lip to keep from saying anything else.

When we get back to the apartment, Angela is in the kitchen making dinner. Shane goes straight to his room. Tommy plops down on the sofa beside Jay. I walk up to Angela, who has her back to me and put my arms around her.

Leaning back, she tilts her head up to look at me. "So, I'm your high school sweetheart?"

Rolling my eyes, I bend down to kiss her upturned cheek. "Yeah, and then some. You know you're so much more than that. I don't know what his problem is. Now he's in his room pouting."

"It's ok, I know how he feels about me. He's just looking out for you. At least Tommy is on our side." I let her go so that she can take the meatloaf she made from the oven.

"I don't need him to look out for me." As Angela is busy making mashed potatoes, I set the table. When dinner is ready, I say, "Hey, Jay, go tell Shane dinner is ready, will ya'?"

Jay goes for Shane and Tommy helps carry everything to the table in the dining room. When we all sit down for dinner, Shane sits across from Angela. Looking up at her, he says, "Angela, I'm sorry about earlier. I was outta line."

Smiling at him, she says, "Don't worry about it, Shane. It's not like you lied or anything."

"Yeah, but I'm still sorry." He starts shoving food in his mouth. After a few minutes of silence, everyone seems to relax. Before long, we're all talking and laughing.

As I look around the table, I realize that the four people sitting with me mean the world to me. It feels good having them all together. And I'm glad that everyone knows, that it's all out in the open. Yeah, life is good.

**Review please...**


	13. Keeping quiet

**Keeping quiet**

**I own nothing...**

There was a time that I looked forward to being on the road. I looked forward to the time on the bus, traveling from one show to another, one city to another. I didn't mind sleeping in my bunk, letting the hum of the wheels lull me to sleep.

I looked forward to losing myself in the music, the performance, the fans. I needed an escape. I needed something to take my mind off my problems. My failings. My mistakes. Before, I would count the days until we set out to the next city, the next show. Now, I find myself counting the days until I can head home to Three Rivers.

For weeks now, I've been going home every Monday and leaving every Thursday morning. It's a lot of extra traveling for me, but I don't mind. And it's not like I can't afford it. It's worth every dime I spend to be able to see my family, to be with them.

Jay is on Summer break right now. I've really enjoyed spending time with him. I know I missed a lot of his early childhood, but it means so much to me to just be with him. I've noticed that he's a lot like his mom. He's smart. He's funny. In a word, he's amazing. I sometimes wonder how I ended up with a child like him. I've enjoyed every minute that we've spent together.

As much as I love Jay and love being with him, I need some time with Angela by myself. Just the two of us. When we're together, Jay is always there. When I go home, when they meet me on the road, he's with us. I need to get her alone. And I told her that. That's why Jay is at Patty and Graham's for the rest of the week, and Angela and I are on the way to meet the guys at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago.

At first, Angela didn't want to leave Jay. She hasn't been away from him for more than a day or two, ever. Anytime she ever came to meet me, he was with her. When he would spend the night away from home, it was only with Sharon or Patty. And they both live a few blocks away.

She had a hard time leaving him. She kept stalling. We ended up taking a later flight out and now we're getting to the venue just in time for the meet and greet. The fans are already lined up. I know this because Janet, Shane and everyone else has been texting me for the last hour.

Pulling up, I have to leave Angela with our bags and head straight to the meet and greet. She decides to go to the bus instead of tagging along. She said that last time wasn't very much fun, so she was going to sit it out.

When I walk in the room, Shane and Tommy are already at the table. As soon as I sit, Janet opens the door and lets the fans start filing in. I glance over at Shane who's sitting next to me and he just shakes his head. Tommy chuckles, "Glad you could join us, Catalano."

For the next two hours, we're busy with the fans. We do the usual, sign autographs and take photos. When we're done, we have to head straight to sound check. I don't see Angela again until we head to the dressing room to get ready for the show. She and Janet are sitting together talking. Since Shane and Tommy have to change, she steps outside to let us get ready.

I only have time to give her a quick kiss in passing as we head to the stage. When I look over to the side stage, she's sitting in the front row. Giving her a wink and a smile, I turn to the mic to greet the audience.

For the next two and a half hours, Shane, Tommy and I perform all of our most popular songs. When we start to wind down, bringing the show to a close, I thank the audience and we make our way backstage. Janet tells me that Angela is already on the bus.

After we all shower and change, me in sweats and a t shirt, the guys in their street clothes, Shane and Tommy decide to hit the town and I head to the bus. It's been a long day and I'm looking forward to curling up with Angela in my bunk and catching a few hours of sleep. Some how, I don't think I'm going to have any problem getting to sleep tonight.

When I board the bus, all the lights are off and it's quiet. Apparently Angela had the same idea as me, because when I pull the curtain back on my bunk, she is curled up in my blankets, sound asleep. For a minute, I just stand beside her watching her sleep, which seems to be a habit I've acquired lately. Nudging her over, I kick my shoes off and climb in beside her. Pulling the covers over both of us, I go right to sleep.

A few hours later, I wake to the sound of the bus moving in the night. I'm not sure exactly how long I slept, but I definitely feel better. Angela, still sound asleep, is now draped over me. Her arm is over my chest and one of her legs is over both of mine. The covers are bunched at our feet. Our bunks on the bus really aren't big enough for two people, but we're both slender. And sleeping the way we are, it's definitely doable.

My arm, the one that's trapped under her, is asleep. I'm afraid that if I move it she'll wake up, so for a few more minutes, I lay with her on me. When the tingling in my arm becomes almost unbearable, I shift and try to pull it from under her. She wraps herself more tightly around my body. The only thing I can do is lift her off of it. When I place my other hand on her side to move her, all I feel is skin.

My t shirt, being two sizes too big, has ridden up as she tossed around in her sleep. With her pressed up against me and my hand touching her skin, I instantly get hard. Even sound asleep, she turns me on.

Grasping her hip in my free hand, I pull her all the way on top of me. When I finally have my arm free and I can move it again, I let it come to rest on her other hip. Angela is stirring on top of me. She moves her body in a sensual kind of stretch that brings her lower body in direct contact with the erection that is straining against my sweatpants.

Slowly opening her eyes, she gives me that sleepy smile that I adore. "Mmmm, what are you doing to me, Catalano?" she whispers. I can feel her breath, still minty from her toothpaste, feather across my lips.

Grinning up into her face, which is right above mine, I say, "Well, my arm was asleep. Since you were already laying on top of me, I just moved you over a little so I could get it free. I was trying not to wake you."

"Yeah, well, now I'm awake. And so are you." Moving her hips against me, she says, "And it feels like you have a slight problem." More than a slight problem.

"Uh, yeah. He's got a mind of his own. I guess waking up having you plastered to me got his attention." But we so can't do anything about it right now.

Moaning, she rubs against me again. She moves her hands up to either side of my head and props herself up, pushing her heat against me. "Let's do something about it, then."

Oh, god. If only we could. Shane's bunk is right above mine. "Angela, we can't. Shane is right above us." I've lain is this bunk many nights thinking about her. Fantasizing about her and this, but there's no way we could get away with it.

"Yes, we can. You just have to be really quiet. You can do that." She closes the distance between our lips, pushing her tongue into my mouth. Moving her body against mine, she knows exactly what she's doing. I'm sure she can feel my reaction to her.

"Angela." Her names leaves my lips sounding more like a plea than a warning. "Shane will have a fit if we wake him. He'll never let me hear the end of it." With my hands still on her hips, I hold her against me, stopping her movement. "Babe, you don't know how much I want to, but we can't."

Chuckling softly, she bends her head and starts kissing my neck just below my ear. When I feel her wet mouth moving along my skin, my body swells even more. When she starts to nip at the exposed skin on my shoulder, I find myself slipping my hands under the back of her shirt.

"You are evil. You've got to stop." I really don't want her to, but I don't want Shane giving us shit, either.

Instead of stopping, she lifts herself up just enough to grab the edge of my shirt and pull it up. When she has is bunched around my shoulders, she starts sucking and biting across my chest. Her hands are now roaming over my body, anywhere she can reach skin.

"We can be quiet. Come on, Jordan. You don't want me to stop anymore than I want to." Shifting over to the back of the bunk, she pulls at my sweats, getting them down past my hips. Leaving her shirt on, she sheds her sweatpants and rolls back on top of me. With her hot wet heat pressed firmly against my aching erection, I can't deny her.

Moving her mouth back to mine, she lifts herself up and sinks all the way down on my dick. Stifling her moan as well as one of my own, I push my tongue deep in her mouth. My hands are back on her hips, gripping tight. She starts to slowly rock back and forth, moving herself up and down on me.

When she starts to move a little faster, her moans start to get louder. She has her hands on my shoulders, rubbing her body on mine as she moves. When she pushes herself up for better leverage, she looks down at me and smiles. Biting her lip to stop herself from crying out, she digs her fingers into my skin and tilts her hips so that she can take me deeper inside.

After a few minutes, she's being rather loud, whimpering and moaning. I'm sure I'm probably making just as much noise as she is. At some point, she stops trying to be quiet and gets lost in her pleasure. Grinning, I have to remind her to be quiet. "Shhh, baby, quieten down."

Either she didn't hear me or she's just ignoring me. Her head is tilted back and her eyes are closed. When she starts to moan my name, I reach up and put my hand over her mouth. Her eyes pop open and she looks down at me, but she doesn't slow her body. She continues to ride me, sliding her hot wet pussy up and down on cock.

When I feel her body shudder and her muscles tighten around me and I know she's about to come apart, I pull her down to me and replace my hand with my mouth. When the first waves of her climax hit, my mouth, still on hers, swallows her cries. I put one hand in her hair and move the other one to her hip.

Holding her head to mine, I thrust up into her body. As her inner muscles are contracting around my shaft, as she's crying out into my mouth, I let go. I stroke into her a few more times, before my body stills. Her body, now spent, is draped over mine again.

Lifting her head, she smiles down at me again. Reaching up, I brush her hair back from her face. As I lean up to kiss her, Shane yells down from his bunk. "Are you done? Can we all go back to sleep now?"

Angela starts giggling. I try not to laugh, but I can't hold it in. We can hear Tommy laughing from his bunk across the aisle. Shane is the only one who doesn't think it's funny.

"Sorry, Shane. Didn't mean to wake you." Angela says, not sounding sorry at all.

"Damn, Angela. What happened to the shy little girl you used to be?" Shane growls down at us. "I thought Tommy was watching porn over there."

Tommy, still laughing, says, "That was before Catalano got his hands on her."

"Really, guys. I'm sorry. I guess I got carried away. Go back to sleep." Angela giggles again, but I can tell she's a little embarrassed.

Hugging her to me, I can't help but tease her a little. "See, I told you. Next time we'll wait."

Shane, still not done, says, "Next time, put your hand over her mouth before she gets started."

All four of us start laughing. Tommy has to get in one last comment. "You don't have to be quiet on my account. Remember, I'm single. It's been a while since I've seen any action. That was kinda nice to wake up to."

"Oh, god. Both of you stop it. We're getting a room tonight." Angela moves off me and pulls her pants back on.

She waits for me to fix my clothes before curling into my side. Pulling the blankets back over us, we both go back to sleep.

When I wake, the bus has stopped. Angela isn't beside me anymore. Throwing back the covers, I pull the curtain back and sit up on the side of the bunk. I can hear voices coming from the front. I stop by the bathroom before making my way toward the voices. I find Shane and Angela sitting across from each other, both sipping on coffee. Pouring myself a cup, I sit down beside Angela and listen to their conversation.

As I listen to them talk, I watch the two of them. They seem to be relaxed around each other. There's none of the tension from the past lingering. It's nice. For years and years, they couldn't be in the same room together without trying to tear strips from each other. Slipping my arm around Angela, I lean in to nuzzle her cheek. Whispering in her ear, I say, "Looks like you got a new friend." Before I pull back, I lick the skin on her neck, right below her ear.

Shane must have heard me because he smirks and says, "Well, after you've had the pleasure of hearing your best friend having hot sex with his ex, the awkwardness kind of goes away. If she makes you this happy all the time, then I don't guess I have a problem with it."

Rolling her eyes, Angela looks across at Shane. "Jones, I don't give a damn if you have a problem with it or not. I'm gonna say this to you, then we aren't going to talk about it again. What happens between Jordan and I is between us. We've both made mistakes, but we love each other. We want to be together and we don't give a damn what anyone thinks about it."

Not bothering to hide my smile, I look over at Shane. He's grinning back at me. "Damn, Jay. I guess she told me, didn't she?" He takes a sip of his coffee before saying to Angela. "Red, I never had a problem with you. Just with the way you always tied my boy up in knots. I know how much he loves you. Be gentle with him, ok?"

"I will, Shane. Don't worry. This time, I'm not letting him go." Laying her head against my shoulder, she squeezes my leg.

As we all sit at the table finishing our coffee, Shane smiles across at us. Tommy gets up from his bunk and joins us. It's a nice start to a wonderful day.

**Nevermind...forget I said anything. For the 6 or so people that review out of the HUNDRED or so that are reading my stories, Thanks . =/ ~gagirl29 **


	14. Rubbing it in

**Rubbing it in**

**I own nothing...**

Some times I say things, do things, stupid things that I immediately regret. My mouth gets away from me and before I know it, I've got my foot firmly planted in it. I create these situations and then I have no idea how to get out of them. Some times, I confuse myself.

I can't ever just stop and think about it before I start spouting off nonsense. I do it, even though I know I'll hate myself for it later. It's like I just can't help it. It's a curse. Now, I'm kicking myself for it.

I couldn't leave well enough alone, I had to go and offer for Danielle and her new boyfriend to come to Detroit with us. Like fly with us, sitting across the aisle from us on the plane. And I reserved a room for them right across the hall from me and Angela. And they are not only coming to the show, they are going to sit in on the meet and greet, too.

So what's wrong with this? Why do I wish I'd just kept my fucking mouth shut? Because Dani's new boyfriend, this guy she thinks she's madly in love with, is Matt. Angela's ex boyfriend, Matt. The same guy that, just over four months ago, asked Angela to marry him.

Ok, I admit it. When I offered, I was a little bit more than pissed. We were at the Krakow's house for dinner. Not my idea, by the way. And Dani and Matt were there. Apparently, Brian is the one who had introduced Angela to Matt in the first place. Matt is one of Brain's colleagues, they work in the same office or something.

I was already irritated because, to be honest, the last thing I wanted to do was go to dinner at her friend Sharon's house. Then you throw in Brain Krakow and it only gets worse. And much to our surprise, Dani and Matt were there when we got there.

I sat there, all through dinner, with a scowl on my face. Angela kept giving me dirty looks. Sharon ignored me and Matt and Brian talked to each other most of the time. Dani just stared at Matt. Jay and Patrick scarfed down their food and went outside to play.

Once dinner was over, we all went into the den for _conversation_. It was more like the women were gossiping and Matt and Brian were talking about some convention they were attending in a few weeks. I just sat beside Angela, pretending to listen, nodding every now and then.

After about 20 minutes of torture, I excused myself and went out to the backyard where Jay and Patrick were playing catch. I leaned against the porch rail and watched them throw the ball back and forth, discussing the batting averages for the Phillies players. It kinda reminded me of when I was little, how me and Shane used to play catch. 'Cause Jay does look just like I did at that age, but Patrick was Brian Krakow made over. Curly blond hair and all. Luckily for him, he was a little more athletic than Brian the Brain, he must have got that from Sharon.

With it being warm out, I had worn shorts and sneakers. Mostly because I refused to dress up for an informal dinner that I didn't even want to go to, so I offered to play catch with the boys. We took turns throwing the ball to each other, just talking about baseball and stuff. I even offered to take the boys to see the Phillies play the Pirates in a few weeks. It made them happy.

We stayed in the yard so long that it had started to get dark. Patrick was thirsty so we all headed back inside. Everyone was still in the den talking when I entered the room. Dani, who was sitting beside Matt on the loveseat, was talking about going to see us play in Atlanta. She was telling them about me jumping into the crowd during The Kill.

She said, "I thought the girls were going to attack him. They were pulling on his shirt and grabbing at him. I don't know how Angela kept herself calm. I think it would drive me crazy, to have all those hands all over my boyfriend."

Angela just laughs. "It's not a big deal. I know he's just performing. Those fangirls don't bother me."

Sitting back down beside her on the sofa, I watched Matt as I put my arm around her shoulders and drew her into my side. He didn't look too pleased. Good. "That's just it, they're fans. She knows who I come home to." She knows it means nothing.

"Well, Jordan, when you jumped off the stage and onto the guardrail, I thought you were going to break your neck. And it's crazy how you just walk over the top of the crowd. Do they like hold you up or something?" asks Dani. She seems to be fascinated with the whole rockstar thing.

Chuckling, I say, "I've done it so many times that I don't even think about it. The security guards know when I'm about to do it, so they kinda watch for it. They'll catch me if I fall. And when I tell the crowd to move closer, it's so that when I do go out, there's more than one person holding me up. I'm not really walking over them as much as they're passing me around."

Brian looks at me like I'm crazy. "Jordan, you're nuts. Why would you put yourself at risk like that. Anything could happen. You could get hurt, like break a leg or something. Have you ever hurt one of the fans with that stupid stunt?"

"Not that I know of. But if that were to happen, I'd gladly take care of them. I'm sure all our fans know what to expect by now." Leave it to a doctor to point that out to me.

"Well, I think it's just crazy. You're a 34 year old man. Why would you get up on stage and act like that? Screaming and jumping around. Stage diving. Jumping in the crowd. I don't see the appeal of it. The fans actually like that kind of thing?" Matt says. Asshole.

"Matt! Jordan is awesome. Obviously you've never seen Residue perform. They put on a great show. And really, does it matter how old he is? He looks like he's 25. You're his age and you look a lot older than him. Besides, the fans love it." Dani was the first one to speak up.

"Brian and I have seen them perform since we were kids. They've always done stuff like that. It's not that bad, Matt." Sharon says. "Jordan's done it so long, he knows what he's doing."

"Jordan is a good singer. He doesn't just get up there and scream. And he plays the guitar and the keyboard, too. He's really a good musician." Brian jumps in. I'm actually a little surprised that they're sticking up for me.

"I guess I'm not a fan of his type of music. Why would I want to go and cram myself up against all those lunatics, jumping around and acting crazy? Just so I could listen to someone scream out the words to songs that I didn't really like? It used to drive me crazy when I would ride with Angela. She always had their music on in the car." Matt sits back on the sofa, crossing his arms. I guess he was trying to needle me or something. It worked.

"Whatever. You don't have to like us. I know that everyone is different. So you like to listen to elevator music or something?" He doesn't have to be an ass on purpose.

"No, but I do like classical music and Jazz. I've never been a fan of Rock N' Roll, so don't take it personal." He continues to stare at me and Angela. "I listened to it when I was with Angela because that's what she wanted. I tried to get her to listen to other stuff, but she wouldn't."

"She's always been one of our biggest fans. And our songs have a deeper meaning for her than most because they're her songs." He's a real dick.

"What do you mean, her songs?" Is he that stupid?

Sharon speaks up. "Jordan writes all their songs. He's been writing songs for Angela since we were in high school."

"I never understood why Angela was so stuck on you like that." Matt smirks, saying, "I'm glad Dani doesn't have a crazy rockstar ex husband who acts half his age."

Everyone in the room picks up on his last comment and it's intention. Dani turns to frown at Matt and he just shrugs. Angela shakes her head, sighing loudly. Brian and Sharon share a strained look.

I can tell they were all waiting for me to say something to him. And I did, just not what they expected.

"Matt, we're playing Detroit on Friday. Why don't you and Dani tag along with us?" What the hell?

Dani lets out a squeal. I can't help but laugh. "Really, Jordan? You guys are so awesome. I was telling Angela yesterday that she should bring me. It's not fair that she gets to go to any show she wants."

"Yeah, I'll get you a room and everything. That way Matt can see exactly what it is that I do." God, why did I do that? "He can see first hand what the appeal is or whatever. Maybe then he'll understand why Angela _likes_ it so much." Shrugging, I pretend that I'm not bothered by it at all.

Not long after, we make our excuses and leave. By the end of the evening, Angela was just as ready to leave as I was. To say that it was getting uncomfortable was putting it lightly.

So, in a nutshell, that's how I came to be sitting in the tour van with Angela, her sister and her ex boyfriend. Matt hadn't said too much since we got to the airport back in Pennsylvania. He looks like he would rather be anywhere else at the moment. Dani and Angela are talking and laughing. I'm pretending to be busy on my blackberry.

I have no interest in having any kind of conversation with him. I've never liked him and it's obvious that he still has a thing for Angela. She doesn't see it, though. I hate the thought that he's using Danielle like that. She and I have never been close, but she is like a kid sister to me. I mean, I'd been around her since she was 12 years old.

When we get to the hotel, we all pile out of the van. Grabbing our bags, we head inside. Janet had already checked us in and she was waiting with our room keys. Normally we would have gotten a suite, but there was not a chance in hell that I was staying with Matt, so I reserved two rooms down the hall from Shane and Tommy. After being in his presence for hours, watching him watch Angela when he thought no one else was looking, I just wanted to get away from him.

After we check into our rooms, Janet rushes us back to the van so that we can get to the stadium for the meet and greet. Once again, I'm running a little behind, so when I get there Shane and Tommy are already waiting for me.

As I'm signing for the fans, talking to them, I watch Angela and Danielle try to draw Matt out of his shell. He seems to be miserable. He looks sullen and withdrawn. Almost like he's sulking. Dani's enthusiasm is obviously getting on his nerves, too. I see Angela shrug and turn away from him to talk to Janet. Dani turns her back to him, too.

After a while, some of the fans notice Angela and go over to talk to her. In the beginning this would have bothered her, but she doesn't seem to have a problem with it today. She's laughing with them and she even lets them take a picture with her. For the rest of the meet and greet, Angela talks with the fans. Dani and Matt both sit quietly watching her.

After we wrap up, we immediately head to sound check, leaving Angela and the happy couple behind. The next time I see them is when we're walking out on stage. They're sitting on the side of the stage, just behind the curtain. Angela was sitting between Matt and Danielle. I know something must have happened, but I don't have time to worry about it now. Pushing them from my thoughts, I greet the audience.

"Well, hello, Detroit! How the hell are you?" As the crowd cheers, I glance over toward them again. Angela is frowning at Matt, shaking her head. I can't let them distract me. I'll just have to deal with it after the show. Turning back to the audience, I say, "Let's get this thing started!"

Shane starts to beat out Battle of One and I lose myself in the song. We work our way through the first set, then Shane and Tommy take a break. Grabbing my guitar, I pull a stool up to the mic and sit down. I play a few songs, talk to the crowd and then I signal to Tommy who is standing just off stage. He comes out to sit beside me with his guitar.

I say to the crowd, "We're going to play a new song for you guys tonight. We've never played it on stage before. I wrote this a while back, when things weren't going so well for me. Since that time, things have turned around. I guess you could say that I got back up again."

With Tommy sitting beside me, we start to play Alibi. As I sing the words, I glance over to Angela. She's smiling at me. She mouths "I love you." Smiling back at her, I continue to sing, turning back to the crowd.

After we finish, Shane comes back out and we wrap up the show. "Thank you, Detroit! You guys were awesome. Good night!" Laying my guitar down, I walk toward Angela. When I get to her, she wraps her arms around me, hugging me.

Looking over her shoulder, I see Matt frown. Dani must have seen it to, because she says, "Damn it, Matt. What the hell is your problem? Why did you even bother to come if you're going to act like this the whole time?"

"I didn't want to come. The only reason I did was because you kept on about." Crossing his arms over his chest, Matt says, "I told you I didn't even like Jordan. You thought I actually wanted to come to one of his concerts?"

Angela pulls away and turns back to Matt and Dani. "Matt! God, that was totally uncalled for." I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

"Well, you know I don't like him. I've never liked him. And then you and your sister made me come and sit through this." Matt frowns at Angela. "It's bad enough that you were carrying on with him the whole time we were together, you don't have to rub it in my face that you're with him again."

Danielle grabs his arm to make him look at her. "That's not what she's doing at all. She's not rubbing it in your face. She's happy. You can't get mad at her for that. I thought you were over her anyway."

"What? It's not supposed to bother me that the woman I spent the past three years in love with, the one who was always in love with her ex husband, is now back with him and flaunting it in my face." Matt turns to scowl at me. "If you had just left her alone, she would have gotten over you and she'd be wearing my ring now instead of yours."

"Hold on a minute. We're not _flaunting_ anything in your face. You're with Dani now, right? And Angela and I were together long before you ever came into the picture. We have history together. We have a child together. And we love each other." I know Angela can tell I'm getting pissed because she slips her arm around my waist, kinda putting herself between us.

"Matt, just stop, ok. My sister doesn't deserve this from you." Angela says to him, looking at Dani who looks like she's about to cry.

"It's ok, Angela. I thought maybe after a while he would get over you. I guess I was wrong." Danielle walks off the stage and heads for the dressing room.

Matt doesn't even try to go after her. "Why did you ask me to come here, Jordan? Was it really so that I could see the show? Or were you trying to prove to me that you have her and I never will?"

"I wasn't trying to prove anything. I don't have to. I hate to point it out, but she broke up with you long before we got back together." I seriously want to punch him in the face, but we're still standing on the side of the stage and I really don't want to deal with the fall out if someone takes pictures. "And just for the record, you're a real ass for treating Danielle this way."

Angela puts both of her arms around my waist. I'm guessing she thinks I might charge him or something. "Matt, I think it would be best if you just got your things from the hotel and headed back to Three Rivers. Your return ticket is already taken care of. Just leave Danielle alone, ok?"

"Fine. But your sister is the one who pursued me, not the other way around. I never really liked her that much anyway." Matt turns to go.

Before I can stop myself, I reach out and put my hand on his shoulder. "Matt, leave Angela alone, too. We are back together and nothing is going to come between us."

Matt never turns around, he just pulls away and starts walking down the hall toward the exit door.

"Oh my god. How weird was that?" With a total look of disbelief on her face, Angela lays her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah, well, I saw it coming a mile away. I'm just sorry that Dani had to be the one to get hurt. Maybe we should go check on her." Taking her hand, we walk backstage toward the dressing room.

Shane and Danielle are the only ones in the room when we get there. The first thing I notice is how close they're sitting on the sofa. The second thing? Shane can't seem to stop looking at Dani. What surprises me most is that Dani is laughing and joking around with Shane. She doesn't seem that upset at all.

I gotta say, I'm just glad that we got the whole Matt thing done and over with. Maybe now he'll realize that he never really had a chance with Angela because she's been mine the whole time.

**Review please!**


	15. All in the family

**All in the family**

**I own nothing...I missed these guys. **

Some times, I seriously wonder how I ended up with these two guys that I call my best friends. I love them like family. Hell, other than Angela and Jay, they are the closet thing to family that I have. I would lay my life on the line for either of them. Really, they are the brothers that I never had.

So when one of them does stupid shit, I don't feel bad about calling them on it. That's like my job, or something. Tommy never really does anything too stupid. Shane, on the other hand, does epic shit.

"Danielle Chase?" I shoot a speculative glance at Shane. We're sitting together on the bus as it's headed to Milwaukee. Tommy is still in his bunk. I'm holding my guitar, which I had been mindlessly strumming until Shane made his declaration. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Why would I joke about that?" Shane, playing with his phone, looks up at me.

"You've been talking to Danielle Chase? As in, like _talking_ to her?" Holy shit.

"That's what I said, isn't it?" Shane shakes his head. "Why? Do you have a problem with it?"

"No, why would I have a problem with it?" Do I? I start strumming my fingers over the guitar strings again.

"Well, you don't sound too happy about it." Shane's phone beeps and he looks down to read the display. His face breaks out into a huge grin. He busily pushes the buttons on his phone. After he hits send, he laughs to himself.

Snatching Shane's phone out of his hand, I look at the display. I read half the text message before Shane grabs for it. I'm holding it over my head, away from Shane, not believing what I just read. "Shane Jones! What the hell are you doing? Are you SEXTING little Dani Chase? You sick bastard!"

"Damn it, Jay! Give me my fucking phone back!" Shane launches himself at me, knocking the guitar to the floor in the process.

We're rolling around on the sofa when Tommy walks down the hall. Shaking his head at us, he rescues my guitar and sits at the table, watching as we thrash back and forth. I have the phone just out of Shane's reach.

"I'm not playing, Jordan. Give me my phone." Shane grabs the arm holding the phone and snatches on it. It beeps again.

I toss the phone toward Tommy just as Shane's about to take hold of it. Tommy looks down at the phone, his eyes going wide. "Holy shit, Shane." Tommy's expression is somewhere between curious and appalled. "What exactly did you do with Angela's little sister in Detroit?"

Shane moves off me to sit beside me on the seat. Tommy tosses his phone back to him. Before Shane answers, he taps out another text before sticking his phone in his pocket. Shooting a glance at me, he says, "Nothing."

"Bull shit. If you didn't do anything, then why is she describing how..." Tommy doesn't get to finish because Shane kicks him from across the aisle, hard. "What the fuck, man?"

"Yeah, what the fuck, Shane? Why are you fucking around with Danielle?" I'm once again frowning at him.

"It's none of your business, Jay," Shane says, scratching his head.

It's none of my business? "That's it? That's all you're going to say?" I shove Shane sideways in his seat.

"Yeah, so? You can fuck the older sister, but the little sister is off limits?" Shane doesn't even flinch at the murderous look he receives from me.

Did he really just say that? Pointing at Shane, I say, "I'm gonna pretend that those words didn't even pass through your lips."

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Shane turns in his seat to face me. "Sorry. Look, I like her. And I didn't start this, she did. I didn't think you'd care."

"I don't. But she just broke up with her boyfriend, like last week. A guy who obviously used her, and I think she may be jumping into this a little soon." I just don't want this to blow up in my face. "And she does have all the classic rockstar groupie symptoms."

"What do you even care? She's a big girl." Shane doesn't seem to understand.

"What happened to her being that pesky little kid who used to annoy the hell out of you?" I question him.

Shrugging, Shane says, "Everybody grows up."

I get up from my spot on the sofa and start to move down the hall. Stopping, I turn to look at Shane. "Well, just remember that this is Angela's little sister we're talking about. If this shit goes wrong, then I'm the one who has to deal with it. She is my sister in law."

"_Was_ your sister in law," Shane says.

"No, she _is _my sister in law. As far as I'm concerned, Angela and I are married. All we have to do is make it legal." Why does he do this shit? "So you better watch it."

As I turn away from him again, he mumbles, "Yes, Dad." I can hear Tommy laughing, then Shane's, "Shut the fuck up, Tommy."

I guess I should have seen this coming. I did see all the looks they were passing back and forth that night in the dressing room. And Dani did seem to be fascinated with the whole rockstar thing. If I hadn't been so wrapped up in Angela and being alone with her, then maybe I would have.

I wonder if Angela knows? Should I call and tell her? What am I thinking? Of course I should call and tell her. If she finds out that I knew and didn't tell her, all hell will break loose. Well, that may happen anyway, but at least it won't be me she's mad at.

Shutting myself in the office, I pull out the desk chair and take my blackberry from my pocket. Instead of calling her, I decide that a text would be better, easier.

"_Hey, Red. Did you know that your sister is fooling around with Shane?"_

After a minute, I get, "_WHAT? How do you know that?"_

Chuckling, I reply, "_He told me. And I saw some of the...um...text message she sent him."_

Within seconds, "_Define 'fooling around' for me."_

How am I supposed to reply to that? _"They hooked up in Detroit and now they are texting each other."_

"_OH MY GOD! TTYL, I'm calling her. ILY." _Oh, boy.

"_I love you, too. Go easy on her..." _I know Dani is about to get an earful from Angela. Sitting back in the chair, I throw my head back and laugh.

* * *

><p>Later that afternoon, we were done with sound check when I decided to play around with one of the new songs I'd been working on. I'd been playing around with it on the bus, but I hadn't really sang it. Shane and Tommy were walking off stage when I started strumming my guitar. Closing my eyes, I start to sing.<p>

_I was born of the womb of a poisonous man_  
><em>Beaten and broken and chased from the land<em>  
><em>But I rise up above it, high up above it and see<em>

_I was hung from the tree made of tongues of the weak_  
><em>The branches, the bones of the liars and thieves<em>  
><em>Rise up above it, high up above it and see<em>

_Pray to your god, open your heart_  
><em>Whatever you do, don't be afraid of the dark<em>  
><em>Cover your eyes, the devil's inside<em>

_One night of the hunter_  
><em>One day I will get revenge<em>  
><em>One night to remember<em>  
><em>One day it'll all just end, oh<em>

_Blessed by a bitch from a bastard's seed_  
><em>Pleasure to meet you, but better to bleed<em>  
><em>Rise, I'll rise, I'll rise<em>

_Skinned her alive, ripped her apart_  
><em>Scattered her ashes, buried her heart<em>  
><em>Rise up above it, high up above it and see<em>

_Pray to your god, open your heart_  
><em>Whatever you do, don't be afraid of the dark<em>  
><em>Cover your eyes, the devil's inside<em>

_One night of the hunter_  
><em>One day I will get revenge<em>  
><em>One night to remember<em>  
><em>One day it'll all just end, oh<em>

_Honest to God I'll break your heart_  
><em>Tear you to pieces and rip you apart<em>  
><em>Honest to God I'll break your heart<em>  
><em>Tear you to pieces and rip you apart<em>  
><em>Honest to God I'll break your heart<em>  
><em>Tear you to pieces and rip you apart<em>  
><em>Honest to God I'll break your heart<em>  
><em>Tear you to pieces and rip you apart<em>

_One night of the hunter_  
><em>One day I will get revenge<em>  
><em>One night to remember<em>  
><em>One day it'll all just end, oh<em>

When I opened my eyes, Shane, Tommy, Janet and all of the stage hands were standing around watching me. I was so lost in the song that I had no idea everyone had stopped what they were doing to listen.

Shane says, "How long have you been sitting on that song? I've never even heard you sing it before."

"I dunno. A few years, at least." I don't have to explain it to him, he knows that the song is about. He'd been there with me through it all.

"Cool. I think you should play it tonight during your set. We can start working on the music later if you want." Tommy suggests.

Once we get the lyrics down, the three of us usually work out the music quickly. That's why we work so well together. We all like the same sounds. Nodding to them both, I set my guitar aside and jump down to where they're standing.

"Yeah, ok. I hadn't planned to sing it yet. But if you think it's good enough, I will. I was just playing around." Some times when I get it all in my head, I have to sing it to get it out.

Shane laughs, smacking me on the back, "That's how all of our songs happen. You start out by playing around and then we end up with a hit on our hands."

Tommy says, "If we keep playing all these new songs during the show, the record company is gonna throw a fit."

"So, I'll just tell them that we're playing around with it. They may not end up on the album anyway." I know that the songs are good, but I don't want us to get ahead of ourselves.

"You're kidding, right? Jay, you know as well as I do that the song you just sang is one of the best you've written in a while. And the one you and Tommy pulled out in Detroit? That song was awesome." Shane and Tommy share a look.

"How many more songs do you have hidden away? That are ready for music?" Tommy asks.

"Just a few. But I'm not pulling anymore of them out. I'm not going to even think about a new album or recording anything else right now. This album is still on the charts and I want to take a break after this tour is over." I owe it to Angela and Jay to actually be there for them. I've spent too much time away.

"Ok. Point taken. Let's go get ready for this show." Shane, standing between us, throws an arm around both Tommy and me. We walk toward the dressing room, mentally preparing ourselves for the show to come.

* * *

><p>That night, lying alone in my bunk, I started to think about things I hadn't thought about in years. I thought about my dad. I thought about my mom. I thought about how I grew up. I thought about everything I'd been through with Angela. I thought all the things that really made me who I am.<p>

As I'm laying here, analyzing my life, my phone vibrates beside me. Seeing her name on the display changes my whole mood. There hadn't been many late night calls between me and Angela lately. Mostly because we're always together these days. With her having decided to stay home with Jay, I hadn't seen her for three days, though.

Smiling to myself, I answer. "Hey, Red."

"Hey. I didn't know if you'd still be up." Yeah, right. She knew I'd be up.

"I'm in my bunk, but I wasn't sleeping." I bet she's been thinking about Dani and Shane.

"Oh. Well, I was just thinking about Dani and what you told me earlier." She doesn't seem mad or anything.

"Yeah? That was a shocker, huh?" Now that I've thought about it, it doesn't seem so bad.

"Totally. I talked to her about it. She said that she really likes Shane." Laughing softly, she says, "When she was little, she used to have a thing for musicians. I remember that she used to have a crush on Krakow."

"What? Krakow is not a musician. He's a doctor that can play a few musical instruments." Seriously, Brain is not a musician.

"Well, you know what I mean. She liked him because he could play. And now she has a thing for Shane, who is a drummer in a rock band. It's just crazy!" Why is that crazy?

"So, you were married to the lead singer of a rock band who can play the guitar and the piano. And you're about to marry him again. Why is it crazy that she likes Shane?" Where is she going with this?

"I wasn't talking about you or about Shane. I wasn't saying that it's crazy that she likes Shane. I was just saying that Dani has always had this thing about her." Oh. "After I thought about it, it really didn't bother me. You know, the fact that it's Shane."

That's a relief. I thought she was going to blow up because it _is_ Shane. "Good. I don't think it's so bad, either. But you do know that she's gonna want to tag along with you now, right? How do you feel about that? Having your kid sister underfoot all the time?"

"It'll be fine. She's not so annoying now that she's older. Just tell Shane I'll kick his ass if her hurts her." No doubt she'd try to, anyway.

"We've had a talk along those lines." Covering a yawn, I say, "Hey, I miss you."

"I miss you, too. This bed is big and cold without you in it." I'll be home in two days.

"Just close your eyes and think of me. Imagine that I'm there with you." Rolling to my side, I pull the covers up around me and snuggle down. "I love you," I say to her.

"I love you, too." I lay with the phone against my ear until I hear her breathing slowly relax into sleep.

Whispering softly, "Good night, Red. Sweet dreams." I hear her sigh softly before I switch the phone off and close my eyes as sleep takes over.

**I woke up this morning and decided I wanted to write for this story. It's been almost two weeks since I spent any time on it. I hope you enjoyed it!**

**The song was NOTH by 30stm. It's my FAVORITE song at the moment. :) ~gagirl29**


	16. Sleeping Arrangements

**Sleeping arrangements**

**I own nothing...**

I think I've spent over half of my adult life traveling in one way or another. Whether it's on the tour bus, on a plane, even a train. As a national touring band, we're always on the go. We're always packing up everything and moving on. The thing about being in the band is that we're always traveling together.

Until recently, almost every flight I took, every trip I'd been on, Shane and Tommy were right there with me. When I started coming home to Three Rivers, I had started traveling by myself. But not tonight.

Here I am, after midnight on a Sunday night. I'm in a cab, with all my luggage and Shane is right here with me. When I told him I was flying straight from Minneapolis to Pittsburgh, he asked if he could tag along. I said, "Sure, bud. No problem." Thinking maybe he just wanted to come home for a few days. You know, go see his family, maybe visit with Dani. But, no. That's not how it's going at all.

"Jay, you don't mind if I crash at your place, do you?" Now why didn't he ask me this in Minneapolis? That way I could have given Angela a heads up.

"Why? Aren't you going to visit your mom and dad?" He always does when he comes home.

Looking sheepish, he says, "Well, I didn't actually tell them that I was coming home. I probably won't see them this trip."

"Why the hell not?" Ok, now I know something's going on. "If you aren't going home, then what are you doing here?"

"I'm going to see my family when we play down here in a few weeks." Turning to look out the window, Shane avoids looking at me.

"Yeah. So why are you here now?" I already know the answer.

He mumbles, "Because I wanted to come see Danielle." I knew it.

"Ok, so go stay with Danielle at her apartment." Why is he trying to crowd in on us?

"No. I can't do that." Huh?

"Why can't you?" This is getting better by the minute.

"She doesn't want her parents to know that we're seeing each other." Oh, really?

"For real? Why wouldn't she want them to know? It's not like you're a serial killer or anything." And they know Shane.

"It's not like I'm a doctor, either," he sneers. "She just broke up with _Dr. Matt_, who her parents are crazy about. She doesn't think they'd take it too well that she is dating someone in a band. And apparently, they already have one Rock Star son in law."

"First off, I don't see how they can like _Dr. Matt _so much when he walked all over her. And there is nothing at all wrong with what we do. Just because Angela and I are together, it doesn't mean that you and Dani can't be together." This is ridiculous.

"Well, can I stay with you guys or not? I don't want to go to a hotel and I don't feel like calling my mom." Shane gets that pouty look on his face.

Angela is going to kill me, but I can't not let him stay. He's my best friend. "I guess you can stay."

We ride the rest of the way in silence. When the cab pulls up to the curb, it's just after one o'clock in the morning. Pulling some bills from my wallet, I pay the cabbie as Shane grabs our bags from the trunk. Reaching into my bag, I pull out my house key and let us in. The house is dark.

Not bothering to turn on any lights, we make our way down the hall. "G'night, Shane."

"Good night, Jordan. Thanks, man." Shane slips in the guest room and shuts the door behind him.

Making my way into our bedroom, I drop my bags on the floor and strip down to my boxers. Angela is facing away from the door, sound asleep. Sliding in bed behind her, I wrap my arms around her sleeping body and push them under her t shirt, pulling her against me. It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep.

* * *

><p>Before I even open my eyes, I know that I'm home. I can feel Angela's warmth beside me, I feel her breath on my face. I can smell her shampoo on my pillow. I feel relaxed and refreshed. I slept most of the night, which is something that only happens in my bed at home these days.<p>

With a smile on my face, I slowly open my eyes. Angela is laying beside me wide awake, smiling back at me. "Hey," she says.

"Hey, babe." I love being with her like this. Her face is what I want to see every morning when I open my eyes.

Her hand moves up over my arm, over my shoulder, to rest on my neck. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming home early?"

I love listening to her husky early morning voice. I know that I'm the only one that gets to hear her like this, see her like this. "I dunno. I was just in a hurry to get here, I guess."

With her hand tangled in the hair at the back of my neck, she says, "I'm glad you're home."

"I've been away from you for too long." Sliding over to her, I move my lips over hers, kissing her softly. After a few minutes of tasting her, drinking her in, I pull away. All I want to do is roll her over and bury myself in her, but I really have to go to the bathroom.

I push myself up from the bed and head into the bathroom. When I come back, Angela isn't in the bed anymore. Grabbing my sweats from the floor, I slip them on before heading down the hall toward the kitchen. I can smell coffee.

Angela is on her toes, reaching into cabinet for the coffee mugs. She's still in her t shirt, which is now riding high enough that I can see her panties peeking out. I can't help but grin at the sight before me.

Walking up behind her, I run my hands up the back of her legs. Pressing her against the counter, I move my hands under her shirt and cup her breasts. Her head falls to the side as my mouth latches onto her neck. Her hands move up to tangle in my hair, holding my head in place.

Neither one of us hear the door open down the hall or the footsteps that follow. At the sound of someone clearing their throat, I lift my head. Pulling my hands from under her shirt, I take a small step back, but continue to shield her body. I tug her shirt down over her. Shit, I forgot all about Shane.

Shane chuckles and says, "Don't stop on my account. I just came to get a cup of the coffee I smell."

Reaching around Angela, I snag a cup and hand it to Shane. While he pours himself a cup of coffee, I try to get my body under control. Kissing Angela's cheek, I step back from her. "Uh, Ang, Shane's gonna stay with us for a few days."

She turns to look between me and Shane. "Ok. Why?"

Since it's Shane's problem, I let him explain. "Well, I didn't tell my mom I was coming and I don't want to drop in unannounced."

"And why did you come, if you aren't going to see your mom and dad? I know it wasn't because you couldn't wait to see me. And Jordan will be back with you in a few days, so it's not like you would really miss him that much." It's funny seeing Angela grill Shane like this. She knows good and well what he's doing here. She just likes giving him a hard time.

Shane looks to me for support, but I shake my head. He's on his own with this one. "Come on, Angela. You know why I came. Jay said he told you. And Dani said you talked to her."

"That still doesn't tell me why you're staying here, in my house. Why aren't you going to stay with her?" Now we're getting to the fun part.

"Because she doesn't want your mom and dad giving her shit about me staying over there." Shane moves his coffee cup to his lips.

"Why should they care? She's almost 30 years old." Angela frowns.

"I guess she thinks your parents aren't crazy about what we do, or something." Shane looks down at the floor. "She thinks they'll judge me by what's happened with you and Jay in the past."

"Oh good god!" Angela crosses her arms over her chest. "What happened with Jordan and I has nothing to do with it. Our problem is that we couldn't communicate. It had nothing to do with what you guys do for a living. If you want to be with my sister, you're going to have to man up and tell her that." She's so cute when she gets riled up.

"I hear you, but this is all new. I don't want to push the issue, yet. Especially not by asking her to do something she's not ready to. She doesn't want me to stay there, so I won't." He looks up at Angela. "You gonna kick me out?"

I watch as Angela takes a step closer to Shane and reaches for his hand. It's the first time I can ever remember her actually touching him on purpose. "Do you really like my sister? Or is this something to fill your time until you move on?"

I look on as my best friend stands toe to toe with my girl, as they're staring each other down. "I do like her. But I can't tell you where this is going to lead. I haven't really been around her that much in the last few years. We need to spend some time together so that we can get to know each other."

Squeezing his hand, she says, "You can stay. But you guys aren't going to do _anything _in this house with my son across the hall. I mean it, Shane."

Shane leans down to kiss Angela on the forehead. She looks a little puzzled at the gesture. "Thanks, Ang. I won't make you regret it."

She lets his hand drop and says, "You better not. Besides, if this thing works out, you'll be my brother in law. Won't that be fun." She grins as he starts to cough up the coffee he'd just tried to swallow.

Laughing out loud, I grab her hand and pull her to me, wrapping my arms around her. We watch together as Shane catches his breath and glances at us, a horrified look on his face. "Whoa. Why the hell are you bringing that up? No one said anything about marriage."

Angela laughs at Shane. "I was joking, Shane. It doesn't matter if you're married into the family or not, you're already my brother in law ."

Angela turns in my arms and lifts her face up to mine for a kiss. She says, "I'm going to take a shower. Make sure you guys save me some coffee."

Shane and I watch as Angela walks out of the kitchen. She makes it as far as the hallway before Shane calls, "Hey Ang, I like those purple panties."

"Shut up, Shane!" Angela yells, as she continues down the hall.

I smack him on his naked stomach. "Don't even think about her panties or what color they are. Forget what you saw."

He snickers, "Yeah, right. If I hadn't made a sound, I would have gotten to witness some of what I heard on the bus."

"That's not funny, Jones." Taking my empty cup from the counter, I walk around Shane and fill it with coffee. After adding sugar, I take a sip. "She's serious, Shane. You and Danielle can't mess around here. Jay notices everything and I'm not ready to explain that to him. And if he sees you and Dani together, he's going to tell Graham and Patty."

Shane and I are still standing in the kitchen when the doorbell rings. I walk out of the kitchen, down the hallway toward the door. Pulling it open, I'm almost overrun by Danielle.

She says, "Hey, Jordan," before rushing past me and throwing herself against Shane.

All I can do is look on as she and Shane practically devour each other. I hear Jay's door open and then his soft steps padding down the hallway. His face lights up and her rushes toward me. "Hey, Dad!" Before he reaches me, he notices Shane and Danielle wrapped in a tight embrace, still kissing. "Whoa, what's Aunt Danielle doing kissing Shane like that?"

Now it's my turn to clear my throat. Scrubbing my hand over my face, I say, "Excuse me. Could you two please cut it out?"

They break apart and look over to me and Jay. Danielle blushes deep red. "Uh, hey squirt."

Shane looks at Jay and says, "Sorry, little man. Your Aunt Dani was just saying hi because she hasn't seen me in a while."

"Wow. She must have really missed you. My mom doesn't even kiss my dad like that when they've been apart." Not in front of him, anyway.

Shane steps around Danielle and sits on the sofa, sitting his coffee cup on the table. Danielle moves to the other end of the sofa. She says, "I was a little excited to see him, that's all."

"Oh. Ok." Jay turns back to me and throws his arms around me. "I missed you, Dad. Me and Patrick have been waiting and waiting for you to get home. You're still going to take us to the game, aren't you?" The kiss he witnessed already forgotten.

Hugging him back, I say, " Yes, we can go today if you want. Aren't the Phillies still in town?"

Excitedly, he lets go of me and bounces up and down. "Yes, they are." He takes off down the hall toward his room.

"Where are you going?" I watch as he disappears into his bedroom, returning with his cell phone.

"I had to get my phone. I'm calling Patrick. His dad wants to go with us, too." Crap.

"I didn't know that Brian liked baseball." I'm not going to hang out with him.

"Yeah, he does. He said it will be fun, all of us guys hanging out or whatever." Jay waits for Patrick to come to the phone, then starts rambling about the game. He heads into the kitchen still talking. Mother Fucker.

Looking to where Shane and Danielle are sitting on the sofa, quietly talking, I say, "Guess what, Shane. You're going to a baseball game with us this afternoon."

He looks up at me and frowns. "What? I was gonna hang out with Danielle tonight."

Oh, well. "So. Now you're not. You're going with me."

The look that he and Danielle share is priceless. "Come on, Jordan," Shane whines.

Shrugging, I say, "If Dani wants to spend some time with you, then I guess she'll let you stay at her place. Right, Dani? That's where you should be anyway."

Not waiting for either of them to reply, I head off to our bedroom to ask Angela how in the hell I got stuck hanging out with Krakow.

**Review please...**


	17. All for love

**All for love**

**I own nothing...I feel better after spending a little while with these guys.**

We all have to do things we don't want to from time to time. We do them for different reasons. We do them because it's expected. We do them because it's required. We do things for the sake of others. We do things for love. In this case, I'm doing it for my son, because I love him. Well, that and I know it'll make Angela happy, too.

It's not that I minded taking Jay and Patrick to the Pirates/Phillies game. I don't mind sitting here in the sun, watching the game. I don't mind the attention that Shane and I are getting, even though we're wearing hats and sunglasses. I don't mind signing autographs and taking pictures with our fans.

And the game isn't so bad. The Phillies are up by 3 in the 7th inning. The boys are having a great time. Everything is great. Except I'm sitting right beside Brian the Brain, and have been for the whole game. Now I'm trying to explain what a ground rule double is to him. Wanting to poke my own eye out.

See, it's not even that I don't like Brian. I do like him. He helped me more than I can say. I'll be forever grateful to him. But, as much as I hate to admit it, if only to myself, he intimidates me. I know he shouldn't, but he does. And I would never, ever tell that to a soul.

He's smart, he's talented, he's successful. But most of all, it's his relationship with my girl that bothers me the most. He grew up with Angela, like right across the street from her. He was one of her best friends growing up, and still is. When I tried to use him to help me win her back, she ended up with him instead, if only for a little while.

He's everything that Angela should have, but she ended up married to me. Don't get me wrong, I know that I'm talented and successful, but in a different way. I won't even say that I'm not smart, because really, how could I have come this far if I wasn't? What I am is a selfish ass. One that, until recently, always put myself first. He would have been so much better for her. Thank god she chose me.

Anyway, so that's why I'm sitting here, saying to Brian, "Don't you know anything about baseball?"

"Well, I know some. I was never a jock or anything like that, but I know the basics." He scratches his head. "So, if the ball lands on the field and then bounces over the wall, it's a ground rule double?"

"Yes, or if the outfielder touches it and it goes over. It just means the batter automatically gets to go to second base and the other players advance." He looks totally lost.

"So it's like they get two free bases?" Does he really not understand?

"It's not _free _bases. He just gets to advance without them throwing him out. He would have probably gotten a double anyway." Only two more innings of this.

"How do you know all this stuff? Do you even have time to watch baseball while being on the road?" Brian asks.

Shane, who is sitting on the other side of me, is being no help at all. The whole time we've been here, he's either been talking to the fans or playing around with his phone. I thought he would at least share the conversation, but I think he's mad because I made him come along. This is his way of punishing me.

"I'm a guy. Guys know about sports. No, we don't watch it on TV. We don't even have a TV on the bus." Rolling my eyes behind my sunglasses, I say, "We don't have much free time on the road. When we do, it's usually spent resting. When I'm not resting, I write songs and stuff."

"Oh, really? What kind of songs have you written lately?" I know he's only trying to make conversation. "Anything like that one you wrote in English class that time? What was it called?" He's talking about The Kill. It started off as a class assignment, and turned out to be our biggest hit to date.

Katimski had made our final exam that year into whatever work of literature we wanted to write. I was so fucked up over Angela in those days. She's all I could think about. Seeing her, knowing that I, what I did, was the reason we weren't together was driving me crazy. When I was finally ready to stop running from her and my feelings for her, she turned to someone else. So I chose to write a poem about it, one that helped me pass English. The poem eventually turned into a song.

"The Kill? No, I haven't had much reason to write any songs like that lately." I'm not going to talk about my writing with him. Mainly because it's so personal.

Tugging my hat down over my head, I look toward the field, halting our discussion. The players were changing positions. The Phillies were 6 outs away from winning the game. Jay and Patrick were sitting in the seats directly in front of us, chatting away. Shane was now talking on his phone, to who I can only assume is Dani.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I watch the rest of the game in silence. As the Phillies outfielder makes the last catch to win the game, we make our way out of the stadium. Jay and Patrick are running just ahead of us. Shane is to my left and Brian is to my right as we head to the parking lot.

Brian says, "Hey, this was really fun. Thanks for allowing me to tag along." Shane makes some sort of strangled sound, which makes me think he's trying not to laugh. "Maybe we should do it again some time."

Shooting Shane a dirtly look, I say, "It was. We'll see. I'll let you know when we're free."

We all pile into the Krakow's minivan, Brian driving with Shane in the passenger seat. Me and the boys climb in the back. There was no way I was going to sit beside him for another minute. Without asking, Shane reaches over to turn up the radio making any attempt at conversation impossible. It was a long ride back to Three Rivers.

It's just after 10 pm when we get home. Since Jay was staying the night with Patrick, Brian and the boys don't even get out of the van. Shane and I make our way up the front path, waving to the boys as they drive off. Inside, Angela and Danielle are sitting in the living room watching America's Got Talent on TV, laughing at the auditions.

Shane immediately goes over to Danielle and they snuggle together on the sofa. Shaking my head at them, I walk to the kitchen, grabbing a soda from the refrigerator. With my back to the door, I didn't know that Angela had gotten up to follow me. When she placed her hand on my back, it made me jump.

She says quietly, "Hey, are you ok?" I didn't even speak to her when we came in, so I know she's wondering what's wrong.

Trying hard to wipe the scowl from my face, I lean down and chastely kiss her lips. "Yeah, I'm ok."

"You don't look ok. What's up?" I knew she wouldn't leave it alone.

"Nothing." Leaning back against the counter, I take a swig of my soda.

"I can tell something is bothering you." She stands in front of me, looking all sweet and worried, but I know if I don't tell her she'll turn into a seasoned interrogator. It's better for both of us if I just come clean.

"I didn't have the best time, that's all." Sitting my can on the counter beside me, I cross my arms over my chest. "Next time, it'll be just me and the boys, like I planned to start with."

"What? Why? I don't understand. Did you and Brian argue or something?" She's gonna pick and pick until she gets it all out of me.

"No, we didn't argue. I just don't enjoy hanging out with Brain." At all. "And Shane stayed on the phone with your sister, texting her, so I was stuck talking to him the whole time."

"It couldn't have been that bad. The boys were there. And I'm sure you guys didn't go unnoticed, right?" I hate it when she looks at me like that.. It's like she's looking into me or something. "You didn't spend the whole time talking to him."

"How do you know? You weren't there." Drop it, please.

"It's more than that." She turns to lean on the counter beside me. "Tell me."

"It's nothing, really." Picking up my soda can, I drain it and toss it in the trash. "I let him tag along, I did my good deed for the day. Don't ask me to do it again."

See? There I go, being an ass. Because I want her to leave it alone. I don't want to admit how I really feel about him. I don't want her to know. If she gets mad, then she'll drop it.

She doesn't say anything, just stands there looking at me. I look right back at her, raising my brow. "What? Would you stop doing that?"

"Doing what? I'm just looking at you." She purses her lips and tilts her head to one side. "I know what it is."

"No, you don't. Because I told you what it was and you don't believe me." Pushing away from the counter, I start across the room.

Her hand shoots out to stop me. "Jordan, you know that Brian wasn't ever a threat to you, don't you?"

Turning back to her, I meet her searching gaze. "Don't," I say to her.

"Don't what?" Her eyes narrow and she bites on her bottom lip.

"Don't start." I'm not ready to lay all my insecurities out for her to see.

"I'm not starting anything. I'm just trying to tell you that you have nothing to worry about where Brian is concerned. You never did." Yeah, whatever.

"Why are we talking about this? I'm not worried about Brian. If you wanted to be with him, you could have." That's not even the issue.

"Then tell me what's bugging you." She continues to probe.

"Damn it, Angela." Moving my thumb up to my mouth, I start chewing on it. "Why won't you leave it alone?"

"Because something's got you acting like this and whatever it is has to do with Brian Krakow." With her hands on her hips, her head tilted to the side, she says, "Just tell me what's bothering you."

"I don't want to. And besides, it's stupid." Pulling my thumb away from my face, I cross my arms over my chest. Maybe if I stand here, just staring back at her, she'll stop. "Really, it's not a big deal."

"Fine, you don't have to tell me tonight. But you will have to tell me. Because Brian and Sharon are two of my closest friends and you'll be seeing a lot of them when you come home for good." That's just great.

"Ok! He makes me uncomfortable." I watch as her brows knit together.

"How does he make you uncomfortable? Has he done something? Said something?" I may as well just tell her. She isn't gonna let it rest until I do.

"No. It's not something he's done or said. It's just that he's Brian Krakow. When I see him, all I see is the kid who lived across the street from you your whole life. Brian, your best friend. Brian, the kid who was hopelessly in love with you for years. Brian, the smart, successful doctor." There. I said it.

Shaking her head in confusion, she says, "Jordan, he and Sharon are married. They're happy together. But even if they weren't, I still wouldn't be with him. I'm with you. You're the one I want to be with."

"I told you that it wasn't about that. I don't think you want him or anything. It's just that he's everything that I'm not. You should have ended up with someone like him, instead you got me." And I'm still not good enough for her.

"Jordan, that's just crazy. I ended up with who I want to be with. I don't want someone like Brian. If I did, I would still be with Matt." She walks over to me and unfolds my arms from my chest, pulling them around her. She settles herself against me as my arms tighten around her.

"Matt's a dumbass. He never deserved you anyway." He's an idiot.

"Look, it may have taken us a while to get to where we are, but I wouldn't have it any other way. Brian Krakow could never hold a candle to you. You are smart, talented and successful. You're, kind, caring and generous. You're gorgeous, funny and sexy. Do you want me to keep going?" God, I love her.

"Well, since you're already on a roll." Smiling for the first time in hours, I lay my forehead against hers. "See, I told you it was stupid. All those old feelings came back and it made me mad."

"It's not stupid. You just have to learn to talk to me when something is bothering you." Standing on her toes, she presses her lips to mine. "I had no idea that you felt that way, though. You really have no reason to. Guess I should spend some time reminding you who I want."

"What's stopping you?" Grinning now, my arms still around her, I pull her out of the kitchen with me.

When we round the corner, neither one of us are prepared for what we find. Shane and Dani are still sitting on the sofa, except Dani is on top of Shane, straddling his lap. She is grinding herself against him and his hands are all over her ass. Their mouths are locked together.

Angela and I share a look, then we both start to laugh. Angela says, "Ok, guys. You aren't gonna do that in my living room. Why don't you take it to Danielle's apartment?"

They break apart, both of them looking thoroughly embarrassed. Shane says, "Sorry, Ang." Nudging Danielle up, he stands and pulls her up with him. "We're just gonna grab my stuff. Thanks for letting me stay the night."

We watch as they make their way to the guest room and collect Shane's bags. When they return, Dani says, "We're going by Mom and Dad's tomorrow. I'll call you after and let you know how it went."

I watch on as Angela shares a hug with Dani and then Shane walks over to her and kisses her cheek. "Good luck, you guys. Shane, don't let my dad scare you. He's really not that bad."

After everyone says good night, and Shane and Dani are out the door, I turn to Angela and ask, "What was that all about? 'Good luck. Don't let my dad scare you.' He's already worried about what they'll think."

With a mischievous twinkle in her eye, she says, "He'll be fine. I just wanted him to sweat a little." She takes my hand and pulls me down the hall with her toward our bedroom. "I called Mom earlier and talked to her about it. They're fine with everything. For some strange reason, they've always liked Shane."

Once inside the bedroom, I push her against the wall and press my body to hers. "Oh, so they like Shane. What about me?"

Grinning, she says, "They love you. How could they not? You're irresistible."

"Oh, am I? Is that why you're with me, because I'm irresistible?" I watch as her face turns serious.

"No, I'm with you because I love you." Her arms go around my neck and she fuses her mouth with mine. There are no words spoken for quite some time.

**Hope you enjoyed the last few chapters. I know I won't get to write for this story for a few days...I'll probably update one of the other two. Review and let me know what you think! ~gagirl29**


	18. Proper Persuasion

**Proper Persuasion**

**I own nothing...Had to bring my favorite bad boy back for a minute. **

I would do anything for Angela Chase Catalano, but there's no way in hell I'm doing this. I swear, it's like she knows exactly what to do to make me give in. But this time, I won't. I don't care what she does, it ain't happening. She can cry. She can plead. She can beg. I'm still not doing it.

When she first suggested it, I immediately said no. Then she casually brought it up again. I said no. She had even had Jay bring it up. When I shot him down, she huffed and left the room. This has been going on all week. Now she's mad at me and pouting. I don't care. I do things for her all the time. I'm not doing this.

Since she's decided to lock herself in the bedroom, I'm laying on the sofa pretending to watch late night TV. There's never anything on. I don't know why I we have to pay for 347 channels of nothing. Picking up my blackberry, I start messing around on Twitter. I like scrolling through the fan comments, seeing what they're all saying about Residue.

Since we're playing close to home for the next week, I get to be home all week. Shane's at Dani's and Tommy is staying with his sister and brother in law in Pittsburgh. Me and Shane drive up to meet Tommy and we leave from there. Everyone is enjoying this home time. Well, at least I was until Angela started.

I had just retweeted one of Shane's stupid ass comments when Angela came down the hall. Looking up, I say, "What, you aren't pouting anymore?" Instead of her normal t shirt and panties, she's wearing a pair of Spongebob pajamas. Trying to let me know she's off limits because she's mad, by covering herself up.

She doesn't even respond. She walks through the living room and into the kitchen. Getting up, I follow behind and lean against the counter as she pours herself a glass of orange juice. "You aren't talking to me now?"

"What's there to say?" This is going to be a long night.

"Why are you so mad? You knew I'd say no." And I'll keep saying no.

She sits the glass down on the counter a little too forcefully. Some of the juice sloshes out on the counter. I find myself reaching for a paper towel to clean up the spill. "Hey, watch it."

She's standing in front of me, her hair pulled up on top of her head. Her face scrubbed clean. Her forehead is creased in an angry frown. Her vibrant green eyes, shooting daggers at me. Her full kissable lips pursed together in an adorable pout.

I can't stop the grin from spreading across my face as she crosses her arms and tries to stare me down. That definitely doesn't improve her mood. "God, you make me so mad." She all but stomps her foot.

"Why? Why are you mad? I don't get it." I know why she's mad. Because I won't give in.

"Jordan Catalano. You do know why I'm mad. Stop pretending that you don't." Her face is starting to get redder by the second.

"Ok. So I know what made you mad earlier. Why are you mad now?" Sometimes playing dumb is the best way to go. It's always gotten me out of just about anything. I don't think it works on Angela anymore.

"All I asked is that we take a vacation. A real vacation, not just a day or two wherever you're playing. You have all next week off, so you can't use that as an excuse." I guess she's ready for us to _talk_ about this.

"I don't have a problem with us going on vacation. Jay only has a few weeks left before school starts, so we need to go ahead and do it." I told her that already.

She visibly relaxes a little. "Good. I'll call Sharon and Rayanne and we'll start making plans."

See, there in lies the problem. "No. I said I didn't have a problem going on vacation. However, I do have a problem going on vacation with them."

"Come on, Jordan. What's the big deal? You're going with me and Jay. As a family." The thing is, she's already made these plans. I know it. But instead of asking me first, she assumed I'd be ok with it.

"We won't be going as a family. Not if Sharon and Brian and Rayanne and Jonah are going, too." She doesn't think I'm that clueless, does she? I heard her on the phone with Rayanne Monday night.

"So. Then Jay will have Patrick and Emily with him instead of just being by himself." Her face, working that pouty frown, is so cute. But so not gonna do it.

"Angela, I said no. We can go alone, or not go." With my arms crossed over my chest, I stare her down.

"Baby, please. I don't ever ask you for anything. Just do this for me." She steps closer to me and lays her hand on my arm. "I knew you wouldn't want to go with just Brian and Sharon, so I asked Rayanne if she and Jonah wanted to go. You like Jonah, don't you?"

"I guess I like Jonah. I haven't been around him all that much. But you know how I feel about Rayanne. That's never been a secret. I only put up with her because she was your friend. Don't go making me hang out with her or whatever." That chic is crazy.

"You don't have to _hang out_ with her. I'll be the one hanging out with her, not you." I can't help but roll my eyes. "You'll be hanging out with Brian and Jonah."

"That's the thing. I don't want to hang out with any of them. If you want to go on a family vacation, just make the plans and I'll be there. But just our family, not us and your friends and their families." Turning from her, I head out of the kitchen and straight to the bedroom.

As far as I'm concerned the conversation is over. I use the bathroom. I brush my teeth, wash my face and run my hairbrush through my hair before stripping down to my boxers and climbing into bed. Laying on my back, I throw my arm over my face.

Just as I'm about to doze off, Angela comes back in the room. Going into the bathroom, she slams the door behind her. Successfully chasing away the dreams about to overtake me. With a loud sigh, I roll over to my side, facing the bedroom door, and pull the covers up around me. The best thing for me to do is pretend to sleep so she'll let the subject go.

Yeah, that doesn't work. She comes back into the bedroom and climbs on the bed on top of the covers. Leaning against the headboard, she says, "Jordan, I know you aren't asleep. Roll back over and talk to me."

Exhaling loudly, I flop onto my back and look up at her. "Red, I'm done talking about this. I don't want to go on vacation with Brian Krakow or Rayanne Graff. You know how I feel about both of them." She's always known.

"I understand about Brian. We talked about that. But I don't get this thing with Rayanne." Her brow scrunches in a frown. "I know _why_ you didn't want anything to do with her then. But things are different now, aren't they? I mean, we were all kids. I've let go of all the hurt and anger I felt back then. Why can't you forget about it?"

"It's not that. I never think about that. It was a drunken one night stand. It's everything that happened after. All the lies she told you. How she painted me out to be this male whore because she didn't want us together." Pushing myself up on the bed, I lean beside her against the headboard. "If she hadn't said half the shit she did, maybe you would have trusted me more. I don't know, maybe not split up so many times."

"Babe, it wasn't like that. You did sleep around when we were in high school, didn't you? She didn't lie about that." Fuck. I don't want to get into this with her.

"I didn't _sleep around, _Angela. There were girls, long before you ever came into the picture, that I had sex with. It wasn't a lot of different girls. Just girls that I was friends with, or whatever." Here it comes. I can see it on her face.

"Yeah, I know. Girls like Cynthia Hargrove. Or Debbie Mitchell. Or Patricia Samuels. I know all about that." Damn. She's getting pissed off again. "Why was it ok for me to _hang out _with one of your fuck buddies from high school, but you can't hang out with one of my best friends?"

"Dammit, the only reason I asked Cynthia to hang around that night was because you were being a jealous bitch. I was pissed so I showed my ass a little. This is different." Son of a bitch. I knew I would end up sticking my fucking foot right into my mouth. As the words were coming out, I knew I fucked up.

Her eyes wide, a humorless smirk on her face, she says, "A jealous bitch? Really? So it's not supposed to bother me when my guy is standing there touching and flirting with his, uh, friend with whom he just happened to fuck around with all through high school?"

Counting to ten, I take a deep breath and say, "Look, that didn't come out right."

"Oh, yes, it did. It came out just the way you meant it. So what if I act like a jealous bitch sometimes? I have that right. I have to share you with millions of people everyday. I think I've handled all this pretty well, don't you?" She really has.

How the fuck did we even get on this subject? "Look, let's get back to what the real issue is, ok? I don't like Graff."

"I know. That's what you keep saying. I get." Reaching over, she turns her bedside lamp off and slides under the covers. Turning her back to me, she says, "Good night."

Staring at her Spongebob covered back, all I can do is shake my head. So we're right back to where we were before she came into the living room, except this time she really is pissed off at me. Sliding down beside her, I wrap my arms around her from behind.

Whispering in her ear, I say, "Babe, don't be like this."

Pushing my arm away, she says, "I'm not being like nothing."

Turning her to her back, I lean over her. "Yes, you are. I'm not giving you your way so first you pout, then pick a fight with me. Next you'll cry, then comes the pleading. It's how you always do it."

"But Jordan," she whines, "I don't ever ask you for anything. I just wanted to get away for a little while and spend some time with my friends."

"Does it even matter what I want?" Apparently not.

"Well, yeah." Here comes the pouty face again. "It matters. But can't you do this for me? Just this once?"

With a loud sigh, I roll over onto my back, throwing my arm over my face again. I'm not sure how long we laid there in the dark, neither one of us willing to give in. Every now and then, I could hear her huff in frustration. I continued to lay with my face covered, trying to go to sleep.

At the first touch of her hand, I jumped. I wasn't expecting it, not with her mad at me and everything. Feeling the shift in the bed, I know she's closer to me. Moving my arm, I look up to find her leaning over me.

Running her hand over my chest. Lower. Over my stomach. Toying with the waistband of my boxers, she leans forward placing a kiss on my chest. Practically purring, she says, "Baby, please."

So. She's gonna try this now? "Please what, Red?"

In her sexiest voice, she says, "Please do this for me. I'll make it up to you."

"Really? How are you gonna do that?" And can you please just start now?

"You want me to show you?" she questions with a raise of her brow.

"Now? What if I don't like it?" Doubtful.

With a cocky grin, she says, "Oh, you'll like it. I promise."

Putting my hands behind my head, I tell her, daring her, "Give it your best shot."

Closing my eyes, I lay there as her hands and mouth go to work on my body. Her mouth. God, her mouth, leaving a hot moist trail over my chest. Licking her way to my stomach. Her hands, so smooth and soft, pushing at my boxers.

She stops only long enough to push my shorts down over my hips and pull them off before returning both her hands and mouth to my body. Sliding down on the bed, she runs both hands down over my thighs and back up again. One hand encircling my shaft as the other rubs across my stomach.

Leaning over, she runs her tongue over the length of my already throbbing erection. When she places her lips over the tip, I have to grip the sheet under my head to keep from reaching for her. She starts to slowly move her mouth up and down my rigid length, making me bite back a moan.

As her mouth is caressing me, she starts to slowly stroke me with her hand at the same time. I want so bad to touch her. To wrap my hands in her hair, but I won't. Because this is all her. She's running the show. They way she's licking me, sucking on me, stroking me. Man, I'm getting so close, I don't know how much more I can take.

After a few minutes of her beautiful torture, I finally reach over and push on her shoulders. "Babe, stop."

Pulling her mouth away from my body, she looks up at me from under her lashes. "Why? You don't like it?"

"You know damn well I do." Nudging her up, I say, "Take your clothes off."

She slowly climbs from the bed and strips of her pajama bottoms and panties. One torturous button at a time, she takes off her top. Letting it slide to the floor, she slowly climbs back onto the bed. The witch. She knows exactly what she's doing.

Grabbing her by the shoulders, I flip her onto her back and cover her body with mine. "You think you're funny, don't you?"

Smirking, she says, "No not at all. Just trying to show you."

Yeah, I know what she's trying to show me. She thinks she can use this to get her way. We'll see. With my lips twitching, I say, "Show me what? How fucking hot you are? I already know that."

Covering her mouth with mine, I kiss her none too gently. Right now, I'm not in the mood for slow and gentle. Settling myself between her open thighs, I pull my head back to look into her eyes. "Prepare yourself."

With a moan, she says, "Unhhh, for what?" A look of unbridled passion on her face.

"For this." I push myself into her. This time, I can only pray that she enjoys it, because this is all for me. This time, I want it fast and hard and a little dirty.

Propped on one elbow, I push my free hand into her hair. Lowering my head to hers, I ravage her mouth as I pound into her hot, wet body. Her legs go around my waist and her hands move to my back. I'm not sure if she's holding on for the ride, or urging me on. I can feel her moaning into my mouth, her tongue dancing with mine.

As my hand tangles in her hair, pulling her head back so I can taste her skin, her body lifts to meet mine. Riding it out with me. Her hips finding perfect rhythm with mine. I bite down on her shoulder as her nails scrape down my back. As she cries out my name, I tug her head back to mine and take her mouth in a hungry kiss. As her body tightens, clenching around me, I empty myself inside of her.

Sliding from her body, I kiss her one last time before rolling onto my back. Both of us winded, breathing hard. I lay listening to her breathing slow. Just when I think she may be asleep, she moves up to one elbow and leans over me.

"Well?" She says, a hopeful look on her face. When I pretend to sleep, she says, "Jordan."

"OKAY! Fine." I watch her face, bathed in moonlight break out into a beautiful smile. "As long as Shane and Dani can come, too." What the fuck was that? No, Angela, no, no, no. That's what I should have said.

Kissing me softly, she snuggles against my side as my arm goes around her, holding her to me. "Thank you, Jordan. I love you."

"I love you, too. Now go to sleep before I change my mind." Pulling the covers up over us, I snuggle down, closing my eyes.

Just when I'm about to drift off, she says, "Jordan, I don't care who you've slept with before me. Or who you slept with while we were apart. As long as you're faithful to me when we're together, that's all that matters."

"Always, Red. Always." She's the only one I want.

Listening to her contented sigh, I hold her tighter as we both finally drift off to sleep.

**There...that one was for all my perverted hussies. You know who you are...Now I'm going back to my sweet innocent teenage Jordan. Don't forget to review...**


	19. Getting away

**Getting away**

**I own nothing... Bringing my favorite bad boy back...**

When you tell yourself you aren't going to do something, when you know you shouldn't do it, when you go against your better judgment and do it anyway, you can't help but kick yourself for it. Take my advice, just don't do it. No matter what.

See, I knew this family vacation, that really wasn't a family vacation, was going to go badly. I knew it. That's why I fought so hard against it. But I'm such a pushover when it comes to Angela. I just want her to be happy.

That's why I'm sitting here watching Jay, Patrick and Emily while all the other adults are out doing God knows what. I think I heard one of them say something about going site-seeing. I really don't even care.

If Angela would rather run around with her _friends _on our family vacation, then she can go right ahead. Even Shane ditched me so that he could stay stuck up Dani's ass all week. It's ok, really. I'll just hang out with the kids. At least I like them.

When we first got here, everything was fine. I mean, we're in Hawaii. It's beautiful here. Everyone was in a good mood, we were all getting along great. Then I had to sit through one dinner, just one, with Rayanne Graff-Matthews across from me. That's all it took.

Her husband, Jonah, really was a nice guy. How he ended up with Rayanne will always be a mystery to me, though. Jonah, much like Brain, is the academic type. You couldn't call him shy. It was more like he was reserved, always thinking things over before he spoke. I like that about him.

Even being around Brian and Sharon wasn't so bad. When there were other people for Brian to talk to he was ok. I just don't like how he always questions me about everything. Like he's trying to figure me out or something.

Sharon stayed out of my way. She spoke to me when necessary. She was always polite. Sometimes she was almost friendly. Even though she isn't my friend, we both care about Angela. I like that she gets me. We understand each other.

Shane and Danielle were off in their own little world. They only had eyes for each other. One couldn't be without the other, either. If one was doing, then the other one was there, too. It was almost sickening. It had been like that all week.

Then there was Rayanne. From the moment she sat down in the chair directly across from me at dinner, I tried to ignore her. I really did. But it's very hard to do. She always has to be the center of attention. She has to make sure everyone is looking at her.

When she realized that I was intentionally blocking her out, she started in on me. She wasn't blatant about it, but I knew what she was doing. First she asked about the tour. Then she started asking about groupies. Then the whole fangirl thing came up.

I'm really surprised I held on to my temper as long as I did. If Shane hadn't stepped in and diffused the situation, it would have gotten out of control. I don't even understand why she does it, either. What does she have to gain by continuously making me look bad?

That dinner set the tone for the rest of the week. For four days, she has poked and poked at me. Any time I snapped at her, it made me look like the jackass. Angela would say, "You know how she is. Just ignore her." But that was hard as hell to do when she was always underfoot.

The four girls were glued to the hip or something, too. The only time I got to be alone with Angela was at night, when she was so tired from enjoying her vacation that all she wanted to do was sleep. If I had known this is how things were going to be, I would have stayed home and let them come.

Every morning, we'd all meet downstairs at the resort for breakfast. The girls would make plans, either with or without the guys. Whatever they wanted to do, the other three guys were all for it. All three of them were nothing but a bunch of ass kissers. "Yes, dear. Whatever you want, honey."

At least I had the balls to stand up to them and say I wasn't doing it. I have to follow a strict schedule all the time. I'm on vacation. They can do whatever the hell they want, but I'm not doing it.

So as the others set out to do what they planned, I offered to stay with the kids. No one seemed to mind. The adults didn't. It meant they were free to do what they wanted. The kids didn't. They were just happy to hang out together, playing. I don't mind, not really. It keeps me from having to deal with them. Apparently, it had become my job to babysit.

It's the principle of it that pisses me off. At first, it was, "We want to do this. You don't want to? Ok, you can stay with them if you want." Now it was, "We're going here, watch the kids."

So that's how I've come to sit here in a lounge chair, beside a swimming pool at a resort in Hawaii, watching my kid horse around with his buddies. I guess, if nothing else, I'll have a good tan for the last few weeks of our tour. Hell, it's not all bad.

"Dad, come get in the pool with us," Jay called out.

What the hell? It's not like I have anything else to do. I dropped my sunglasses on the chair and dived into the deep end. I swam over to the kids. "What's up, buddy?" I asked when I was beside him.

"Nothing," he said. "I just don't like seeing you sit over there by yourself. You look lonely."

My kid is so perceptive. "I'm not lonely, Jay. Just bored."

"But, Dad, this is supposed to be your vacation, too. You haven't done anything you wanted to do. You get stuck watching us while everyone else goes off to have fun." How old is he again?

"Who said I'm not having fun? I like hanging out with you guys." Or not hanging out with your mom's friends.

Jay looked at me skeptically, his little face looking so much like Angela's in that moment. "But you've been doing what we want to do, not what you want to do." That's just great. Even my son can tell how miserable I am.

"Jay, don't worry about me. I'm here with you and Patrick and Emily because that's where I want to be." Chucking him on the shoulder, I continued, "As long as you're having a good time, that's all that matters."

Six year old Emily, a miniature version of her mother, piped up, "My mommy said that you stay with us because you don't like her."

At least she knows. "When did she say that, Em?"

"Last night. She told Miss Angela that." I watched as Jay tried to shush her. It didn't work. "She said if you didn't want to be a grown up then you could just stay with the kids."

Jay rushed to smooth things over. "Dad, they were joking. Mom laughed about it."

Little did Jay know, that was the one thing I didn't need to hear. So I'm acting like a kid? Because I don't want to run around with her friends? Because I'm not a pussy like all the other guys, going along with whatever the girls said?

Pushing it from my head, at least for the time being, I grabbed Jay and tossed him in the water. He came up laughing and swam back to me. Emily asked that I toss her, too. Then Patrick. So for the next hour, the kids and I had a blast in the pool, dunking and splashing each other. It wasn't until I rounded them up, wrapped them in towels and herded them up to our suite that I thought about what Jay and Emily had said.

They thought I was acting like a kid? Really? I'd show them. This was my vacation, too. Hell, I was paying for all of it anyway. I was footing the bill for everyone. Wonderful idea, huh? The more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got.

I ordered lunch, watched as the kids ate and then settled them in front of the TV while I took a shower. After I dressed, I dug my Blackberry from the bottom of my bag, where it had been all week and texted Angela.

_"I'm done babysitting. Tell your friends they need to come take care of their kids. -J"  
><em>  
>Almost immediately, she sent back, <em>"What's wrong?"<em>

_"Nothing. Just tell them."_

_"Jordan, did something happen?"_she replied.

_"No."_

I dropped my phone onto the dresser rounded up the rest of my things. When it rang a few minutes later, I ignored it. This time, I'm going to do what I want. I'm going by myself and to hell with everybody else. Angela included.

Exactly 20 minutes after I sent the first text, everyone walked in. I stood up from my spot on the sofa and walked toward the same door they had just came through. The guys were eying me curiosly, Sharon and Rayanne were frowning at me. Danielle was ignoring me. Angela was the only one who even seemed concerned that I was obviously pissed.

Ignoring them all, I walked out the door and shut it behind me. They didn't need to know anything. I'd made it almost to the elevator when Angela caught up to me, taking my arm.

"Jordan, what's going on?" she asked.

"I'm going out. And I'm not spending another minute of what's left of my vacation watching their kids, either." I continued on down the hall and stopped in front of the elevators, reaching out to push the down arrow.

"You're mad?" She looked shocked. Like she couldn't believe I had the nerve to be angry.

"No, I'm fed up. If you want to spend every second of your time with you friends, go right ahead. I won't stop you. But make sure whatever plans you make include the children." How long did it take for the elevator to reach the 19th floor anyway?

"Jordan, I thought you wanted to stay with the children. That's why we left them." She seemed confused, like it was my idea or something.

I want to be ignored? I want to be excluded? "What I wanted was for my family to get away for a little while. I don't want to run around with your friends all the time. If you don't want to include Jay, I'll find something for us to do. But only Jay, not Patrick and Emily, too."

As the elevator doors opened, I stepped inside. Ignoring her protests, I pushed the button for the ground floor. The last thing I saw as the doors closed was Angela's shocked face, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

It was after 10 PM when I finally made it back to the resort. When I left, I had no idea where I was even going. I was just so pissed off that I had to get the hell out of there.

I had headed down to the beach first. Not to swim, just to walk on the sand, look at the water and calm myself down. I think I walked halfway around the island just staring out across the ocean. It was soothing. It made me feel better.

I don't even know how long I walked before I turned and headed back the way I came. I was stopped a few times along the way. By wayward fans, all the way in Hawaii, who recognized me. Not because of my face, always covered by my hat and sunglasses, but by the trademark tattoos on both of my arms. Something I hadn't bothered to hide.

Hell, it didn't bother me. At least somebody wanted my company, right? I let them all take pictures with me. I answered questions, took a few pictures of my own. It made me feel more like _me_. Like Jordan Catalano.

I even shut the ringer off on my Blackberry, something I never do. It wouldn't stop ringing. Angela was calling. Shane was calling, even Jay called a few times. I just wanted to be left alone.

When I got back to the resort, I rented a bicycle and set out inland. I rode aimlessly, not stopping in any place for too long. It was good exercise and a good way to burn out the anger that continued to stew inside of me.

I rode for miles and miles, then turned back and rode some more. When I was almost back to our hotel, the sun was setting. I stopped my rented bike outside of a bistro, the sound of the music blaring through the speakers on the patio drew me inside.

The first thing I did was walk to the bar and order a long-neck Budweiser. As I took a swig from the familiar brown bottle, I realized that it was the first drink I'd had since we landed. I hadn't wanted to drink in front of the kids. And I'd been with the kids all week.

With a self-deprecating snort, I ordered up another and then made my way to a table in the corner. It was loud, the band sucked, and the air inside seemed stale, but at least I was doing what I wanted. When the waitress passed by, I flagged her down.

As I sat and ate my steak, drank my beer and listened to the god awful music, I made up my mind. No matter how much I loved Angela, I wasn't going to take this shit. Ever since we got back together, everything has been her way. What she wants, when she wants it.

At first, I hadn't minded. I told myself I'd do it her way. I felt like that's what it would take to make sure we stayed together this time. But the longer we've been together, the more she's pushed.

This is where I draw the line. I'll be damned if I left her make a fool of me in front of her friends. So this is all funny? She wants to be with Rayanne more than she wants to be with me? Fine. She can have what she wants.

I sat at that table long after my dishes were taken away. Yeah, maybe I'd had one too many beers. Maybe things would seem different in the morning. Right then, all I knew was she wasn't going to play me like this anymore.

I paid my tab, climbed onto the bike and pedaled my way back to the resort. After dropping the bike by the rental kiosk, I rode the elevator up to the suite we were sharing with Shane and Dani and used my key to let myself in.

Angela, sitting on the sofa with Satan herself, looked up. She looked at me like she was trying to gauge my mood. Wouldn't you know, the she-devil had to be the first to get a word in.

"Damn, Catalano, you couldn't wait to take off, could ya'? I'm not surprised, though. That's always been your m.o., hasn't it?" What the fuck does she know?

"Fuck off, Rayanne," I snapped on my way past, heading toward our room.

"Yep, Angela, I told you he was still a kid. _Fuck off, Rayanne_," she mocked. God she's such a bitch!

Stopping mid stride, I spun on her. "Why don't you go away? Back to that fancy suite across the hall that I'm paying for." I'm seriously about to lose what's left of my patience. Angela sitting quietly beside her friend as she runs her mouth isn't helping. "If I'd known you wanted to be with Angela so fucking bad I could have saved myself some money."

"Jordan, don't be rude. Just because you're mad at me doesn't mean you have to take it out on her," said Angela, frowning at me. What the fuck is she talking about?

I'm not mad at her. Well, that's not entirely true. I _am_mad at her because of exactly what's happening right now. Rayanne Graff, once again, is coming between us and Angela is just sitting there allowing it to happen. It's funny how I'm always the bad guy in this situation.

"I'm not taking anything out on her. And I'm not mad at you." Fighting the urge to scream, I turned to make my escape. I didn't get far.

"What is your problem with me, Catalano? What is it about me that you can't deal with?" Rayanne pushed.

"I can't stand you. I don't want to be in the same room with you. I damn sure didn't want to come on vacation with you. The only reason I did was because that's what Angela wanted." I really need to get out of here. If I don't, I won't be able to control my mouth.

"But why? What did I do to you?" Rayanne really didn't know when to quit, did she?

"Oh, well, let's see. Where should I start?" Smirking, I threw my hands up. "We could be here all night."

"Jordan, just stop." Angela turned to Rayanne. "Could you leave? I think me and Jordan need to talk."

Rayanne laughed, getting up. "Good luck."

I seriously hated that woman. "Jesus fucking Christ! What did _I_ do to _you_, Rayanne? Why do you have to keep doing this same shit all the time?"

"It's got nothing to do with me, Jordan. It's what you do to Angela time and again." Rayanne ignored Angela's halting glare and walked toward me. "She thinks you've changed. She says you're what she needs now, but I know different. Guys like you never change. It'll only be a matter of time before you fuck around on her again."

I swear I'm hearing things, because I know she didn't just say I'd fuck around on her _again. _"What the hell are you talking about? I've never fucked around on her."

"You haven't? Hmmm." If she wasn't a woman, I would have hit her.

Ignoring Rayanne, I looked at Angela. "What is she talking about?"

"I don't know, Jordan. I'm just so tired of always feeling like I have to choose between the two of you." Angela sighed and rubbed her hand over her forehead.

"Angela, I've never cheated on you. Ever." I watched as she cut her eyes over to Rayanne, no words coming out of her mouth. "God dammit!"

I stood there and watched her looking at Rayanne and I knew she'd been running her mouth again. I didn't know about what, but I knew she'd said something. "Rayanne, I don't know what the fuck you've been going on about, but you know nothing about me. You never did. Just because we both ran around with Tino back in the day doesn't make you an expert on my life."

Rayanne shook her head, her smirk still in place. "I know that Angela is too good for you. I know that she could do better. Just because you come around and give her what she wants, showering her with gifts and spending money on her, doesn't mean you're right for her."

"Rayanne, please just stop it," is all Angela said.

"I've kept up with you over the years, Catalano. I've read the tabloids, seen the pictures. I know you still like that ladies just as much as you always did. People like you don't change." What's it gonna take for her to shut the hell up?

"Seriously, Rayanne? I seem to recall that Angela _divorced _me. Not the other way around. And I've always been faithful to her while we were together. That's never changed." I'm so done talking about this. And why isn't Angela saying anything?

"Whatever, Jordan."

"This is just fucking great!" I wasn't going to stand there and take this shit. Apparently, Angela put more stock in what her friend was saying than she had faith in me. "Angela, are you just gonna listen to this shit? You don't have anything to say?"

"What do you want me to say, Jordan? The two of you don't like each other. There's nothing I can do to change it." So that's it?

"You could at least tell her to shut the hell up. She has no business butting in our relationship." And you should be defending me, I wanted to scream at her. "This is ridiculous. Why are we even talking about this?"

"Because you stormed out of here like the spoiled little boy you've always been because you weren't getting your way." Is she still talking? "You just proved that you'll never change."

"No, that's not why I left. I left because I wanted to do something that _I_ wanted to do. This is supposed to be a _family_ vacation but I haven't spent any time with my family. Just because I didn't want to go with you the first day, didn't mean I wanted to be excluded." Sneering angrily, I told them, "I was informed, however innocently, that if I wanted to act like a kid I could stay with the kids. It wasn't my choice to be stuck with them all the time."

"Why didn't you just say that, Jordan?" Angela asked.

"When exactly did you give me the chance to say that? Every time we're in the same room, everyone else is, too." I really don't want to talk to her about this in front of Rayanne, but she isn't leaving me a choice. "You and Rayanne and Sharon make the plans and expect everyone to just go along with them. I can't help it that the other guys let you run all over them, but I won't."

"That's a bunch of bull," Rayanne exclaimed. "The other guys don't mind. They go along with us because they want to."

Laughing humorlessly, I tell her, "No, they don't. They're just too afraid of what will happen if they speak up."

"Is what we've been doing really so bad? Couldn't you have just went out with us?" asked Angela.

"Sure, I could have. But how do you think it would have turned out? Me, wanting to spend time with you and Jay. Rayanne, being her charming self, would have continuously poked and poked at me, like she's been doing since we got here. You telling me what an ass I'm being when I finally get fed up with her shit." At least Angela had the decency to blush. She knew I was telling the truth. "So what it really comes down to is, you don't want to chose between me and Rayanne, but you're happy letting me stay here and babysit while you and everyone else go out and have a good time because you know we don't get along. Am I right?"

"It's not like that," she said, but we both knew it was. "I just wanted to get away from everything for a little while. So what if I wanted my friends to be with me. Me and you are together all the time now."

Wow. What am I supposed to say to that? "You should have just told me that. I would have let you and Jay come on your own."

"Jordan, don't be like this." How does she want me to be?

"Whatever. It's fine. Next time, just let me know that rules up front. Tell me how you expect things to be and I'll go along with it." This time I did leave the room.

I didn't know what else to say. She obviously wanted to be with her friends more than she wanted to be with me. She didn't deny it. We were together all the time? So that made it ok to ignore me?

And she'd just stood there and let Rayanne bad mouth me. Couldn't she have at least defended me a little? Did she really think I'd fuck around on her? After everything we'd been through?

I stripped down and headed into the bathroom to shower. I climbed into bed, more hurt than angry. I have no idea what time she finally came to bed because I went to sleep.

For the next two days, I got up, got dressed and left. I did exactly what I wanted to do, not having to worry about anyone or anything. I swam in the ocean, I biked around the island, I went hiking in the mountains. I did it alone. All by myself.

The only person I talked to was Jay. He called me throughout the day to make sure I was ok, to tell me that he missed me. He told me what they were up to, where they went. I wanted to go back and get him, but I didn't want to be the one taking him away from his friends.

He told me that his mom was sad. He said he could tell that she wasn't having very much fun. He said she got mad at Rayanne and told her to just shut up. But then they made up and were friends again. I listened as he relayed all this, but the only thing I could think about was how funny it was. She and Rayanne fought, but then they made up. Angela hadn't even tried to _make up_ with me.

The morning we left, it was raining. I got up and packed, ignoring Angela who was still sleeping on her side of the bed. I helped Jay pack his things and we put our bags beside the door. We were sitting at the table eating cereal when Shane came out the room he and Dani were sharing. He sat down with us and fixed himself a bowl and started eating.

I could feel Shane looking at me, but I refused to acknowledge it. He'd been ignoring me, too. The whole reason I'd insisted he come was because I knew I'd be the odd man out. Little good that did me.

When Jay got up to go to the bathroom, Shane asked, "Jordan, what the hell is going on?"

Picking up my coffee cup, I took a sip and shrugged. "I don't know what you mean."

"Don't give me that shit. You haven't said two words to anyone since you stormed out of here the other day." I don't plan on it now, either.

"I don't talk much, you know that." Take the hint, buddy. I don't want to talk about it.

"What happened? And don't tell me nothing because Angela's been moping around, too." Shane laid his spoon on the table beside his bowl, giving me that look he always gives when he knows I'm not being straight forward. He doesn't give in until I tell him. "Did you guys fight or something?"

"I guess you could say that. But it wasn't me and Angela. It was me and Rayanne. She started spouting off all this shit about how I wasn't good enough for Angela. She said I would go back to my old ways."

"Why are you mad at Angela, then? If it was Rayanne?" Am I going to have to tell him everything?

"She just stood there, Shane. She didn't defend me or anything." Shrugging, I acted like it didn't bother me.

"That's why you ran out the other day?"

"No, I left the other day because Rayanne's clone told me her mother said if I was going to act like a kid, I could just stay with the kids. Like it didn't matter what I wanted. I'd suddenly became the babysitter or something. Then Jay said Angela just laughed when Rayanne was running her mouth about me." Draining my coffee cup, I got up to pour myself some more. "Since I'm the one paying for every damn thing, I decided I was going to go do what I wanted. When I got back that night, Rayanne was here with Angela. She started in on me, not the other way around."

"That's when you guys got into it?" Isn't that what I said?

"Yes. She started again about how I'd never change and I'd end up screwing around on Angela again. Shane, you know I've never screwed around on her. You've been with me the whole time, through everything." I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned. "Angela didn't say anything. She just stood there. When we finally got to why I left out, Angela said that she just wanted to spend some time with her friends. She said that she was with me all the time. Like what I wanted didn't matter. As long as she was doing what she wanted, she was happy."

"Man, don't sweat this shit. Rayanne will head back to Pittsburgh. We're going home in a little while. When you get to Three Rivers, everything will be fine. It'll all be back to normal. Wait and see." Shane was so sure of himself. He thought he knew me so well.

I think I may have shocked the shit out of him when I said, "See, that's where you're wrong. I'm not going to Three Rivers. I'm going to New York."

I still have my key to the apartment there. My name is still on the lease and we still have it for another month. Maybe some time away from Angela is what I need. Maybe it will be good for both of us. Maybe it will give her time to decide what she really wants. Because right now, it doesn't feel like she wants me at all.

**I think I need to spend some time wrapping this one up...I've left them in limbo too long. Thanks for sticking with me on this crazy ride. :) ~gagirl29**


	20. Making a statement

**Making a statement.**

**I own nothing...Guess you guys love this Jordan as much as I do, huh? To be honest, I wanted to shake some sense into Angela. ;) The last chapter was super long. I got carried away and probably should have made it two, but after such a long break from this story, I left it alone. This one is a bit shorter. I've already started the next so you won't have to wait too long to find out what happens.**

How many times are we going to do this? How many times are we going to screw it up before we get it right? Those are the questions I've asked myself over and over again through the years. The question now is if it's too late.

Is it too late to fix this, whatever it is? Is it her fault this time? Is it mine? Are we both to blame? Hell, I don't even know anymore. All I know is that I'm miserable. Again. Because of Angela. It's the story of my fucking life. A never ending story, so it would seem.

It's been two weeks since we flew home from Hawaii. Two long, lonely weeks. I've talked to her exactly three times in those two weeks. Once to ask if she'd send some of my clothes with Shane. Once to bitch because she didn't send any of my clothes with Shane.

The last time was two nights ago after our show in Memphis. I locked myself in the hotel room, drank everything in the minibar and called her. I only remember half of it to be honest, but I do remember telling her that I love her and I don't want to spend the rest of my life without her.

Her whispered, "I love you, too," before she hung up is stuck in my head on repeat at the moment. We do love each other, that's not the issue. It's the always letting something or someone else come between us that's the problem.

Whether it's my stupidity, her stubbornness, my career or her friends, we're both guilty of it. This time, it's her friends, or one friend, that's coming between us. And I can't even blame it all on Rayanne, as much as I'd like to. This is between me and Angela.

Seriously, I don't know what else to do. I've done my best to put her first. I've bent over backward to accommodate her, her family, her friends. I've traveled nonstop for weeks just to be with her and Jay. I've given her everything she wants, without question. That's what got us here in the first place.

Yeah, I got pissed in Hawaii when she ignored me. I was angry because I didn't even want to go. I did, though, because she asked me to. No, she persuaded me to. She played all the right cards, pushed all the right buttons. She knew in the end she'd get what she wanted. Because I couldn't deny her anything.

She really hadn't wanted our family to go away. She and her friends had gotten together and made these plans. It was never about us. It was about them. It was going to be a girl party and the rest of us were along for the ride. She wanted to go hang out and she used my money to do it.

Which was fine. I wouldn't have minded if she'd been up front with me. I would have gladly paid for Angela, Sharon, Rayanne and Danielle to go away together. Hell, it's just money. Since we're together, it's her money, too. I would have stayed home with Jay and everyone would have been happy.

Now, we're miserable. Well, I am, anyway. I don't know about her. She isn't saying much. She listened to me go on and on to her on the phone the other night. The only thing she said was that she was waiting for me to get over it and come home. Like it was all me.

That's why I'm here, in New York City, instead of at home with my family. Because she's waiting for me to _get over it_. I don't know if I can get over it. Not with her acting like it's my fault.

It's not just about the way she treated me in Hawaii, either. Like I was no better than a fucking babysitter for her and her friends. It's knowing that she found Rayanne's attitude acceptable. She thought it was funny. I'm pissed about that.

I'm hurt because she just sat there and let Rayanne go on about me and how she thought I am and she didn't say a word to defend me. Is that how she feels? Does she think I'd do that to her? If she does, then we don't need to be together.

Not only did she not defend me, she never even tried to apologize or work it out or anything. She just kept on ignoring me. It was like she did choose Rayanne over me. That's funny because that's the one thing she said she didn't want to do, right?

So as I sit here on my bed in the apartment I used to share with Shane and Tommy, now just Tommy, I want to throw my Blackberry out the open window. For the last hour it has rang, chirped or vibrated every few minutes. What is this, let's harass Jordan night in Pennsylvania?

First, Jay called. He calls every night. He started back to school last week. He sits and talks and talks about his teachers, his friends, his homework. He tells me how sad he is without me. I can tell how upset he is that I'm here, but this isn't about Jay. I love my son to distraction, but I can't be with his mother until this is all settled.

Then Shane called. He made it to Three Rivers a few hours ago. Danielle told him how depressed Angela was. He thought I should know. He demanded that I come to my senses and put my feeling aside. He thought I should just let it go and come home.

It's the same story I've heard from him every single day since we got back. I really don't understand that, either. I thought he hated Angela. I thought he was on my side. Evidently I was wrong.

When Shane's rant didn't work, Danielle called. Why was I being an ass? Didn't I know how much I was hurting Angela? Why am I letting Rayanne come between us? Haven't I learned anything over the years?

She wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise. So I hung up on her. Then she started texting me. I finally told her to leave me alone. Yeah, that didn't work.

They just don't get it. I don't care if Angela's feelings are hurt. I don't care how pissed off she gets. I hope she is depressed and missing me. I hope she's feeling even half as shitty as I am. If the email she sent me is anything to go by, I don't think she is. I hadn't even finished reading it when she started texting me, too.

"_Jordan, please just come home."_

"_NO." _I sent back. I wasn't going to tuck my tail between my legs and go running back to her. I'm tired of being the one to always say I'm sorry. I'm tired of groveling. Pacifying. I'm tired of not standing up for myself.

"_Just come home. We can talk."_

"_We can talk on the phone. Or you can email me...oh, wait. You already did. Telling me how childish I'm acting. Isn't that how this all got started in the first place?" _She thinks we can just go back to the way things were. Like nothing happened.

"_Look, I'm sorry, ok? Why are we still fighting? Two weeks is long enough."_

Despite my better judgment, I hit the speed dial and put the phone to my ear. She answered immediately. "Jordan, please just come home."

"Why? So we can argue in person?" Because that's what would happen. She doesn't think anything is wrong.

"No, I don't want to argue with you. I just don't understand why you're still so mad." I could hear the sadness in her voice.

"Ang, I'm not mad. I was mad. And I told you why. I'm not mad anymore."

"Then why are you still there if you aren't mad?" Because!

"I think I need to stay here until the tour is over. Some time apart will be good for us." Bullshit. It has nothing to do with the tour.

"I don't want any time apart. I want you to be here with me. You still have two weeks until the tour is over." She sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

Is it wrong for me to admit that hearing her like this gives me a little bit of satisfaction? I've felt like crying ever since she stood there and kept her mouth shut while her best friend ripped me to shreds. It's not a good feeling.

"Angela, do you really want to be with me?" That's the question.

"Jordan! Of course I want to be with you. I love you. I thought we'd been through all this. That's why I agreed to marry you again. It's what I want more than anything." That's what I thought, too.

"Then why did you just stand there and let Rayanne say those things? Why didn't you tell her what you just told me?" I held my breath waiting for her answer.

"God, Jordan. She's _Rayanne. _That's what she does. I don't listen to her."

"But you didn't stop her, either. I would never stand back and let someone say that kinda shit about you. No matter who it was. Whether it was true or not." And none of it was true. That's what makes it harder to swallow.

"Is that why you're upset? Because I chose to ignore her instead of arguing with her about it?" What?

"Fuck! You don't get it! You should have put a stop to it _before _she said any of it. Unless you believe her. Is that it? You think I'll cheat on you? That's why you didn't stop her, isn't it? Because you believe her." This is unbelievable.

"No! Of course not. I believe you when you say you've never cheated on me." She sighed warily. "I thought you were mad about me spending so much time with Rayanne and Sharon. I didn't know that was why you left."

"Really? You know why? Because you didn't even bother to find out what was wrong with me. Yes, I was pissed by your attitude. By how you totally ignored me the whole time we were in Hawaii. I got even more pissed off when Emily told me that you and Rayanne were laughing about how I got stuck watching their fucking kids so you could run around and do whatever the hell you wanted." Taking a deep breath, I told her, "I got over that. I decided that I wasn't gonna babysit anymore. Then you just sat there like I meant nothing to you and let her go off about shit that she knew nothing about."

"Jordan, I didn't see the point in arguing with her about it." I think I heard her sniffle, but so what?

"You didn't see the point? I thought you were in love with me. I thought I meant something to you. So you didn't want to argue with Rayanne Graff about her trashing the man you're about to marry? The father of your child? Why? Because you didn't want to ruin your wonderful friendship? With a girl who obviously didn't give two shits about you when she climbed into the back of my fucking car." See, there it goes. My mouth getting away from me. But you know what? It's the truth.

"Why did you bring that up?" she asked.

"BECAUSE!" I yelled at her. "It's the reason for all of this! Don't you see that? It may not bother you anymore, but obviously it bothers Rayanne to the point that she has to continuously paint me that way. She's constantly accusing me of this shit and you let her. It happened then and it's happening now."

I really need to end this conversation. It's not doing either of us any good. She still doesn't see my point and I don't know how to make her. "Look, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later." I didn't even wait for her to say anything. I hung up.

I tossed my Blackberry on the nightstand beside the bed and laid back. Staring at the blank wall to my left, I thought back to all the times I went to her after we'd had one of our many arguments. All the times I swallowed my pride and apologized, even when it wasn't my fault. After what happened with Rayanne and then with Brian, I felt like that's how it needed to be if I wanted to hold on to her.

For years and years, I let her dictate our relationship. I was so afraid to lose her that I just did it. I let her call the shots. I let her set the pace. She would get pissed off about one thing or the other and I'd go crawling back on my knees like an idiot.

I tried to fool myself into thinking I was the one in control, but I never really was. From the very beginning, I was putty in her hands. That's why I didn't fight when she said she was done. When she told me she wanted a divorce, I just gave up. Because that's what she wanted.

Even at the start of this, when we got back together, it was me that went to her. I pushed the issue. I worked away at her until she gave in. I thought I was the one calling the shots. If I started it, then I couldn't get hurt again. How wrong I turned out to be.

Kicking off my shoes, I turned over onto my side and looked out the open window at the lights from the buildings across the street. In my subconscious, I could hear the cars going by, the beep of horns down the street, the sounds of people talking. But all I could think about was how crappy I was feeling.

How could I go from being on top of the world, having everything I wanted, to feeling like this? I shouldn't be surprised. It always happens. Maybe one day I'll learn not to put myself out there. Like an idiot, I thought this was it. I thought we were finally going to be happy. I'm never happy for too long at once. Something always goes wrong. I'm destined to be miserable and lonely.

My phone chirped again, letting me know I had a text message. I reached over and picked it up. I knew it was Angela before I even looked. I shouldn't have hung up on her, but I won't keep doing this. I glanced at the display, surprised to realize it had been over an hour since I hung up the phone.

She said, _"I know you're angry. When you feel like it, call me. We can work this out. I don't want to leave things this way. I love you. ~A"_

I typed out those three words, _"I love you."_ Then I turned my phone completely off. I didn't want to do it anymore. Why should I be the one to call her and work this out. I've already told her what the problem is. I'm obviously not getting through to her.

I dropped the offending device back onto my nightstand and turned to click off the lamp. Not even bothering to undress, I pulled the covers back and climbed into bed. I pulled the blanket over my head and begged for sleep. I guess someone somewhere heard me because it wasn't long before I was out.

**Poor Jordan! You know I won't let him suffer long...I love him too much to do that! :) Hope you're continuing to enjoy it... ~gagirl29**


	21. Your turn

**Your turn**

**I own nothing... Ha ha. Seems like we have a Team Jordan and a Team Angela...**

Someone, whoever it is, is going to get an earful. I hate it when people just bang and bang on the door. If you don't answer right away, it usually means one of two things. A) No one is home, or B) you need a minute. Banging on the door isn't going to make it open faster.

I had been sleeping peacefully for a change. It was the first decent night's sleep I'd gotten in weeks. No nightmares, no all night brooding, just me and my bed. That doesn't happen too often and I was enjoying it.

When the knocking first started, I rolled over and pulled the pillow over my head. It probably wasn't important anyway. When it kept on, I continued to ignore it. Tommy would get it. It kept on, louder and louder.

I finally pushed the covers back, vaguely noticing I was still fully dressed. I snatched my door open and stepped out into the hall wondering why Tommy hadn't gotten it. I pushed his bedroom door open to find his bed made, like he hadn't even slept in it. Where the hell was he?

With an angry huff, I snapped, "Alright, I'm coming, geez!" making my way down the hall toward the door of our apartment. The impatient banging was grating on my nerves. I snatched it opened, practically yelling, "What?"

Angela stood in front of me, her arm poised to continue her insistent knocking if need be. She dropped her hand, only to cross her arms over her chest. Her brow arched slightly, her lips pursed, as she took in my disheveled appearance. She pushed past me and made her way inside. All I could do was shut the door and follow her.

She dropped her keys and her purse on the table beside the sofa and rounded on me. "Jordan, you look like hell," was the first thing out of her mouth. Her face softened as she continued to look me over. "Baby, did you sleep in your clothes?"

I wanted to go to her and pull her into my arms. I wanted to bury my face in her hair and hold her tightly to me. I wanted to tell her how much I love her and how miserable I am without her.

I didn't do any of those things. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared her down. "What are you doing here?"

She never wavered. She stepped closer to me and said, "I came to you because you wouldn't come to me. And you turned your phone off."

I shook my head and walked toward the kitchen. I need coffee. I need space. I need to get my shit together so I don't end up losing what's left of my resolve. Dammit.

She followed me into the tiny kitchen and took the coffee filters from my hand. Nudging me aside, she started the coffeemaker and turned to me once more. "Jordan, I know you're pissed off. I understand why now. I didn't before, but after we talked last night and you told me it all became clear."

I snarled, "So all of a sudden it's clear to you? What I've been telling you for years? Riiiiight." I leaned against the refrigerator opposite her, trying to give myself a little distance.

She reached behind her to grip the counter she was leaning against and went on, "Look, I don't give a damn how Rayanne sees you or what she thinks about you. How she feels about you will never change how _I _feel about you. What happened between the two of you happened a very long time ago. I don't understand why she has such a problem with it if we don't. I really don't even care anymore. "

"But, Angela," I started. She held her hand up to stop me.

"Her opinion of you really doesn't matter to me. I've ignored her for so long that I tend to just block it out. I can see now that by not confronting her or just telling her to shut the hell up that I hurt you." With conviction, she says, "Jordan, I love you. I want to be with you. I don't care what anyone says. I know that you would never cheat on me."

"Why didn't you say all this in front of her that night? Why did you just stand there and let her run her mouth? And why, after everything, did you continue to hang out with her?" Pushing away from the fridge, I stalked into the living room.

She was hot on my heels. "Jordan, I thought you were just pissed off because of the kids. I was upset because I was feeling guilty about what we did. I guess I didn't yell at her because I didn't want to fight with her and ruin everyone's vacation." She admitted, "You were right. Sharon, Rayanne and I planned the whole thing. The three of us hadn't gotten to spend time together in ages. We thought it would be fun."

Pointing at her angrily, I said, "Why didn't you just tell me that upfront? You know that I wouldn't have cared."

"You wouldn't have, but the other guys would. There's no way Jonah and Brian would have let them go off like that. Not without the kids." Now we're getting somewhere. "It was wrong of me to go along with it. I should have realized that you weren't happy. I knew you didn't even want to go in the first place."

"Damn right I didn't. From the very start I told you no. I wanted it to be just us. Just me, you and Jay. But you insisted. So I gave in to you. Look where that got us." Gnashing my teeth, I turned my back to her. "See, I _told_ you that I didn't want to be around Rayanne. You acted like I was the one being irrational. Then when things turned out exactly like I predicted, you acted like it was my fault."

"Because I was being selfish. I was only thinking about what I wanted." Whoa. Is this really happening?

"You think?" I spun around to face her. "You weren't thinking about what I wanted, that's for sure."

"There's no excuse for what I did. Any of it." She walked over to stand in front of me. "I'm sorry that I didn't stand up for you. I'm sorry that I let Rayanne run wild. I don't want this to come between us."

"Ang, what happens next time? When she starts this shit again? Because she will, you know?" Yeah, she's sorry, but that really doesn't change anything. "If we're going to be together, then you will have to choose. You have to choose between being with me or your friendship with her. I can't keep doing this."

"Why? Why do I have to choose? She's been in my life just as long as you have." Just what I thought.

"She means more to you than I do?" Shrugging, despite the hurt grasping my insides, I said, "Fine. Go on back to Pennsylvania. Call your friend Rayanne. Tell her how much you want to be with her."

I pushed past her and calmly walked down the hall to my bedroom. I didn't want to be around her right now. I didn't want her to see the effect she has on me. I didn't want to do the same thing I do every single fucking time. I stopped just inside the doorway, fighting the urge to put my fist through the wall.

I stood there for a minute, breathing deeply, trying to regain control. I heard her coming down the hall. I knew she wasn't done, but I was. I kept my back to the door, determined to ignore her.

When I felt her hand on my back, I tensed. I didn't want her to touch me. I wanted her to go. I wanted to be alone. She had other ideas.

"Jordan, please don't do this. You know how much I love you. It's not a question of me choosing between you." I continued to ignore her, so she went on. "Baby, I hardly ever see her. She's not an issue."

I rounded on her so quickly that she took a step back in surprise. Her back hit the wall behind her. She looked up at me begging me to understand. I wasn't in a very understanding mood. I was angry and hurt and I was tired of hearing it.

"You aren't listening to me. I don't give a fuck whether you see her everyday or once a year. The fact of the matter is, she doesn't want you with me. She does everything she can to convince you that I'm no good for you." All the time.

She frowned and I could tell she was about to speak. I stepped forward and placed my hand over her mouth, halting any words of denial. "Don't fucking deny it, either. You heard every word she said to me and you didn't say a thing to her. If it had been Shane saying that shit to you, I promise you he would be missing a few teeth right now."

With my hand covering her mouth and most of her face, I couldn't see anything but her eyes. I could see the tears pooling there, threatening to spill over. I could see the pleading there, in the depths of her dark green eyes. It was my undoing.

I knew right then that I couldn't stay mad at her. I love her and I'm so damn miserable without her. As I stared into her eyes, seeing the pain there, my anger shifted. Oh, I was still hurt by what she had done, her refusal to admit the role her friend was playing. But the anger was now directed at myself.

I'd promised myself that I wasn't going to do this again. I wasn't going to give in to her until she did what I wanted. I said I wasn't going to fall back into this without some kind of gesture from her. I'd been lying to myself all along.

Moving my hand away from her mouth, I took a step closer. I grasped her chin in my hand and tilted her head up to look at me. My eyes dropped to her lips before moving back up to stare into hers. As pissed off as I am, I was surprised at how quickly my body responded to hers.

It had been weeks since we'd been this close. And I'd missed her like crazy. "Fuck it," I muttered, more to myself than to her, just before my lips crashed against hers.

Everything happened so fast. One minute I was standing in front of her completely pissed off, the next, I had my tongue down her throat and my hands in her pants. She was working furiously to unbutton my shirt and push it from my shoulders. I got her pants down over her hips while she was pulling her shirt over her head.

In less than a minute we were both stark naked. I picked her up, her legs wrapping around my waist. I backed her against the wall and entered her in one swift stroke. Her head fell back against the wall behind her with a thud

I grasped her hips, holding her in place, as I took her right there against the wall of my bedroom with the door standing wide open. Later, I would remember to give thanks that Tommy hadn't shown up. Right now it was the furthest thing from my mind.

As I moved against her, she arched her back. I dropped my mouth down to her chest, licking and sucking at her exposed skin. Lifting her a little higher, I took her breast into my mouth and I pushed into her over and over. I switched to the other breast as she held on tight. Her hands were gripping my shoulders tightly, her legs locked around my hips.

All the anger, the pain, the loneliness, slipped away. Having her in my arms was the only thing that mattered. I can't deny being in love with this woman. I can't be away from her. I can't _live _without her. Everything else was unimportant.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer.. She cried out my name and then she came apart in my arms. I pushed her higher up on the wall and plastered my body to hers as I continued to rush toward release. I felt her legs start to slip from around my waist and I knew we needed to move.

Never leaving her body, I picked her up and carried her to the bed. As one, we fell to the mattress. Her legs fell wide as I continued to take from her sated body. It wasn't long before she was crying out again. She shoved her hands into my hair and pulled my mouth down to hers. As I emptied myself into her, she kissed me deeply, her tongue tangling with mine.

I fell against her completely spent. She held me to her, stroking my hair over and over, as if she were comforting me. When I could move, I lifted my head and looked down into her eyes. Everything came rushing back to me. Wrenching myself away, I moved to sit on the side of the bed and dropped my head into my hands.

"God dammit," I muttered. Why the hell do I do this to myself?

She sat up and scooted over beside me, placing her hand on my naked back. "Jordan, what's wrong?"

"Everything. Nothing's changed." Snorting humorlessly, I said, "No matter how hurt or how pissed off I am, we still do this. It just makes things worse."

"What do I need to do? Tell me what you want and I'll do it." Really? I don't think so.

"I've already told you what I wanted." I got up from the bed and walked into my bathroom, not looking back. I'm not sure how long I was actually in there. Long enough to shave and shower. When I finally worked up the nerve to face her again I pulled the door open and stepped into the room wrapped in a towel.

She was laying on the bed with the covers pulled up to her shoulders looking out the window. Dammit, had it been open the whole time? It must have been because I certainly don't remember ever closing it. I was so lost in her that I forgot about everything else.

When she heard my footsteps on the hardwood, she turned to look at me. Pushing herself up, she drug the covers with her holding them against her chest. She warily watched me walk over and shove the door closed.

She softly asked, "Jordan, will you come sit with me please?"

Her in my bed without a stitch of clothing on was too much for me to handle. Especially when I was wearing nothing but a towel and the weeks we'd been apart still between us. I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of boxers. I slipped them on before walking over to the closet and pulling out a t shirt. I tossed the shirt to her and waited for her to pull it over her head before I reluctantly perched on the edge of the bed.

I tilted my head and looked at her, waiting. She said, "Jordan, I don't know what you want me to do," her voice breaking. "You say you want me to choose between the two of you, but I never see her anymore. That was the whole point of our trip."

I dropped my head down to my chest and folded my hands over the back of my head. I felt like screaming in frustration. I hated seeing her like this. I didn't want play this game.

When I lifted my face back to hers, she was crying. I reached over and brushed my fingers across her cheek. "Don't cry, babe."

"I want you to come home. I don't want you to stay here." She raised her knees, resting her bent head against them.

Sighing despondently, I said, "I don't know, Red. None of this has been resolved."

She jerked her head up, her gaze clashing with mine. Immediately, she went from crying to pissed, just like that. She still had tears in her eyes, but they weren't drowning the fire that my comment had sparked.

"What do you mean _resolved?_ If you love me and I love you then that's all that matters. Come home,"

she demanded.

"Angela, I can't just pretend that you didn't hurt me. It's not just about me being mad." I went to stand, but she grabbed my arm pulling me back down.

"I said I was sorry." She's said it a few times, but it's still not what I want.

"Yeah, I know you did. It's not that easy." She looked at me in confusion. Like she didn't understand what I was saying to her. I decided to spell it out. "Look, I'm tired of being the one to give in all the time. I'm tired of being the one to come crawling back to you. I'm tired of being the one to make all the sacrifices. Now it's your turn."

She stared at me like I'd lost my mind. She shook her head as if she couldn't comprehend what I was telling her. Then it was like something snapped. She reached past me and snatched my phone off the nightstand.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I watched her turn it on. The look she shot my way shut me up quick. I propped myself up on one arm and waited to see what she was doing.

She dialed out a number and put it to her ear. "Hey, Rayanne. No, this is Jordan's phone. Yes, I'm with him." She rolled her eyes and angrily pushed her hair back. "I'm in New York. That's none of your business."

She paused as she listened to whatever Rayanne was saying. She said, "I came to bring him home. I'm not leaving without him." If she was angry with me, she was becoming furious listening to Rayanne. "You know what? Jordan is right. You obviously have a problem with us being together. No, it doesn't matter."

She got up from the bed and walked over to sit on the windowsill. I turned, resting my knee on the bed, watching intently. "You want to talk about honest?" she scoffed. "Let's be honest for a minute. If anyone betrayed me, it was you. You were supposed to be my best friend. Jordan and I weren't even together."

She held the phone away from her ear and looked at it strangely. She moved it back, cutting her off mid-sentence. "No, I didn't. I forgave you. It took Jordan and I a lot longer to work things out. You didn't help matters, either. You lied to me over and over again about him. Save it, ok? It doesn't matter."

She got up and started pacing the room. "No. The reason I called was to tell you that Jordan and I are going to be together and nothing you or anyone else says is going to change that. Yeah, I know you thought this was going to be the end. You've told me that a hundred times."

She stopped and turned, locking eyes with me. "Stop. Rayanne, stop. Just shut up. No, you listen. I love him. I really don't want to hear it anymore. I'm not going to allow you to talk about him this way. What happened? I realized that Jordan means more to me than a friend that I never see who can't keep her negative opinions to herself."

Angela walked toward me slowly, her eyes never leaving mine. "It doesn't matter what you think. I'm done, Rayanne. Really?" she smirked, "Well, maybe I don't want you at my wedding. The only people who need to be there are me, Jordan and Jay. That's all that matters anyway."

She hit the end button and tossed my Blackberry on the bed in front of me. Arching her brow, she says, "What are you waiting on? Get your shit together, Jordan. We're going home."

I know I was grinning like an idiot, but I didn't care. I lurched toward her and grabbed her around the waist. I pulled her down onto the bed and rolled on top of her. "In a minute."

She rolled her eyes impatiently. Pushing at my chest, she demanded, "No, get your ass up and get moving. You're driving us back to Pennsylvania today."

I couldn't resist. I dropped a kiss on her lips. Smiling at her, I told her, "God, I love you. I've been so fucking miserable without you."

"Good. Because so was I. I love you, too." She pressed her lips to mine then shoved at my chest again. "Come on, Catalano. I want to get home before Jay gets off the bus."

I happily did what she told me to. We got dressed, gathered my things and then set out toward home. We made it there just minutes before my very happy little boy got there.

**I said I was going to wrap this story up...I don't think I want to... **Hope you enjoyed the last few drama-filled chapters. ** I spent some time with these guys. **** Now it's back to the newlyweds. ~gagirl29**


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